


Hellweek, Day Two

by The Raven Sennin (The_Raven_Sennin)



Series: Team Anko, Final Rev [3]
Category: Earthdawn, Naruto, One Piece, Other - Fandom
Genre: A Lot Like Canon, Action/Adventure, Except When It Isn't, Fantasy, MagiPunk, Near Full Rewrite, Ninjapunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:29:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Raven_Sennin/pseuds/The%20Raven%20Sennin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things get troublesome<br/>A nin's life is never simple<br/>Training to failure</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

##  **Kaze-bi, 2 MI, 0408 h.**

_... Anko-sensei offered him some beef jerky, and Ichi-kun was like, "yeah, sounds good, but I WAS FROZEN TODAY!" and used this trick he called Buto where he sped around Nee-sensei trying to bite her, and when she bragged about being a jounin now, he was all, "Okay, Buto Rejin, bitch!" and me and Sakura just enjoyed our chocolate._

_Actually, that Buto thing sounds kind of like that Juggernaut trick you said you were trying to learn from your auntie, a really fast attack while moving. Except yours involves a heavy weapon too._

_Natsumikan, I wish our radios had the range to reach you in Kells. I mean, letters are cool, but then we could talk whenever we wanted to! And we could call the others, too!_ _I know, I know, your aunt's mail man is a great guy, but still..._

_Write back soon, okay? And tell me if you hear from Hay!_

_Uzumaki Naruto_

_(which so means '_ **_maelstrom_ ** _' and not '_ **_fishcake_ ** _'. Bitch.)_

##

###  **0412 h.**

Naruto's room was before the stairs as she left hers, so Sakura was easily able to check on him.

His door was open, and Naruto stood by the desk. He had a little wooden box of pills in his right hand-- prescription, by the form of the label-- and a scroll in the other.

He looked up and smiled at her, tossing the pills into the open chest in the corner.

"Hey, hey, you know why Uzu and Konoha were originally allies? Well, besides the Uzumaki being formed from a branch of the Senju?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Ink."

Naruto nodded. "We have plenty of pine out here. Pine soot ink is great for work that requires really fine details. Like, say, sealing!"

Sakura smiled. "And that's what Uzushio was known for. Storage scroll?"

"Mm? Oh, no. Letter back to my friend in Kells. Wanna drop it off at the depot so her aunt's courier can pick it up today, if he's by. But, but, it does have a privacy seal on it so well meaning members of the household don't stick their nose into it."

Sakura pursed her lips. "Yeah, Ino gets like that sometimes. We're weird that way-- fight to hell and back over boys and fashion, still feel obligated to stick our nose in when we think the other one's about to be an idiot. So, first night in a house. Step up from the old apartment?"

"Eh. We don't even really have to share a bathroom. Basically the same. Bedroom's a touch smaller, but my stuff's here. And it's got that vital component." He gestured over his shoulder.

Sakura peered out the window and smirked. "Figured a view of the Monument would be a selling point for you. Hey, Ichimaru still around?"

"Naw. We're not the only ones he has to look in on, are we?"

"True. Heh. Just think. We stopped using the mountain as camouflage, cleared it off and started carving faces on it... at the exact moment in history the world started calling Konoha and Iwa the 'Great Two' and our leaders 'Kage'."

Naruto giggled. "When the hidden part becomes a metaphor, you know you're strong. It's become a way to show off, really-- Doton users with an artistic streak love to show we're still strong in one of the Shodai's better natures to maintain the damn thing, and Jii-jii loves to talk about his uncle leading the crew that put his face on there. So! Breakfast?"

"Oh, yay, more forced feeding of foreign foods," Sakura deadpanned.

Naruto gave her a thoughtful look, then turned and started rummaging in one of two step chests in the room. "You reminded me of something!" he said tossing stuff onto his bed. "See, there was one week where I actually tried to survive on nothing but ramen-- instant or Ichiraku's. I made it four days before I stumble into Jii-jii's office all sick. When he found out what I was doing, he made Rin-chan stay with me for the next week until I got better--"

"Rin?"

"An inin. One of the few I totally trust. Even if... well, I trust her, y'know? And to be an inin, you've got to be, well... Awesome. She gave me this book-- here it is!"

Sakura caught the book cleanly. It was a strong bound hardcover, and she blinked at the author's name. "Naruto... this is by Tsunade-sama..."

"Yeah. Rin told me it's the best book on the topic. Think there's a second edition out, but that just adds information on the stuff Gai-sensei and Nee-sensei have you eating. Might give you a way to build up without wanting to throw up."

Sakura read the title with some interest. "A Nin's Life, A Nin's Table."

"Speaking of... food?" Naruto gave her a fox grin.

"After the morning torture, yeah," Sakura groused.

"Oh, you had fun and you said so. If you want torture, we can go ask Iruka-sensei to do one of his _special_ lectures."

Sakura shivered.

##

###  **0413 h.**

Umino Iruka sat bolt upright in bed.

"I have a sudden urge to censure someone..."

"That's nice, dear," the lump beside him mumbled.

##

###  **0430 h.**

"See, peacetime, you're acting as a mercenary, and most often trying to build your rep and the village’s. So a personal style is a plus. Wartime, you need to tell us from them on the battlefield, so the standard uniform is... well, standard. But whether peacetime or wartime, a Konoha nin is expected to comport themselves with dignity. Whatever clothes you wear, they'd better be clean and in good condition when you start a mission. As should you. All hair groomed-- a natural mussiness like Naruto is fine, but no tangles or lice. Body clean-- what is it, Naruto?"

"Er, if I try to do laundry... things happen."

"... things?" Anko prompted.

"Once, my entire wardrobe got shredded and another the washer blew up and Jii-jii _says_ I didn't cause the power outage of 3043 but that the drier did what it did because of the power outage, but even if I didn't cause it _that_ time, but the other-- I mean, no one told me you should take explosive tags out of your pockets before drying--"

"Laundry services cleared by the tower are fine," Anko broke in.

"... so, if Jii-jii introduced me to them I should be okay?"

"Sure," Anko agreed.

"Great! I can keep using Ai-san's service."

"Ai-san, Naruto?" Anko raised her eyebrows. She knew of no service run by an Ai-san, but...

"Kimura Ai!" Naruto said. "She's done my laundry since I was nine!"

"... yes, yes. Kimura-san. She's more than acceptable," Anko agreed, smiling.

"You know her, Sensei?" Sakura prompted.

"I've worked with her," Anko said. "When she was an active nin."

Which was true enough. But Anko somehow doubted Ai of the Harshest Love was enjoying a second career as a washerwoman.

Now, helping her teammate's son as best she could... maybe.

"Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Certain soaps and deodorants are big, fat avoids. Autumnal scents tend to be okay, but save them for special occasions. Best to go unscented for active duty-- which you both, blessedly, do so."

Sakura actually chuckled, "That's one thing Ino could never convince me to wear. Perfume. Strong scents on me bug my nose."

"Ditto," Naruto said. "Oi, Nee-sensei, I was wondering..."

"No, streaking is not legal on Tuesdays, no matter what Kakashi told you."

"Haha," Naruto deadpanned. "No, I'm just... well, surely the Mitarashi have... smaller properties. I mean, it's just the three of us-- four, eventually-- so why such a big house?"

Anko smirked. No, she wasn't letting them in on her secret plan of Awesome. "Oh, just in case."

Sakura gasped. "I bet she and Gai-sensei are planning to elope and fill the house with kids!"

Naruto's mouth fell open with joy. "A dozen little Nee-Sensei/ Gai-sensei hybrids to teach pranking to! I can see it now!"

And then... Naruto produced wigs out of nowhere.

"Anko-koi, I agree-- the only Youthful course of action is to spend all our down time re-establishing the main branch of the Mitarashi!"

"Oh, Gai-kun. You are so Awesome in your passion!"

"... how come Naruto's doing me?"

"I do the voice better."

"'... That makes sense,' she said, dreading the repercussions," Anko drawled. Then she blinked. "Wait, you two took the time to figure out who could imitate each of us better?"

"Lee does a great Jii-jii," Naruto noted.

"Oh, well, yeah, I knew that."

##

**0437 h. ACADEMY. A place of learning!**

"And then she convinced me to go to bed," Kakashi said.

"Probably wise," Iruka said. "So, two years left?"

"As if Naruto's first year wasn't bad enough. He mastered henge by age eight, no wonder he was coming up with crazy variants," Suzume said, skimming Kakashi's summary. "Not that many of the others fared much better-- I am no longer abiding a 'girls will be girls' approach to fangirls. We need to stomp on that."

"Eh. If they don't get to form around one charismatic figure... " Iruka said.

"So we put forward a staff that values skills more than looks?" Kakashi suggested.

"Or make sure more girls like Tenten are shone a bright spotlight on."

Kakashi nodded to the new arrival. "Shiraishi-sensei."

"Hosensei," Mako greeted in turn.

Kakashi sighed. "Going to take awhile for me to get used to that."

"Oh, c'mon. I could see you as Hokage, Kashi-kun," Suzume said, punching his shoulder.

"You say something, Su-chan?" Kakashi said, nose deep in a book.

"Hey, why did you switch books yesterday?" Iruka asked.

"Eh?" Kakashi prompted non-committally.

"Well, you started out with Icha Icha Violence, then switched to the other one."

"'The other one'?" Kakashi pressed, turning a page. "Oh. My kind of miko."

"The... other book. The one called..." and here Iruka mumbled.

"... do you have trouble with words with love as a component of the compound, Iru-kun?~" Suzume teased.

"It's not the 'love' part of the word I have trouble with, Suzume-sensei," Iruka countered, face going red.

"It's a simple part of the female anatomy, Iruka," Kakashi said.

"Then you say it!" Iruka said.

"No, you're the one that wanted to show how smart you were. So... I had a second--"

" _Koinaka! You switched to Koinaka by Lunch, okay?_ " Iruka finally managed.

"Was that so hard?" Mako said, sounding honestly puzzled.

"Look, there's a reason--" Iruka stopped and groaned.

"A reason what?" Kakashi said, closing his book. "There's a reason what, Iruka?"

Iruka sighed. "... I let Mizuki handle the sex ed part of things."

##

###  **Uchiha Compound**

Looking for anything amongst his father's papers always caused the oddest, most painful emotions in Sasuke. It was always trying, always draining, but Sasuke seized the mood when it took him. He wanted to purge the Uchiha District of as many ghosts as he could.

Right now, in his father's office... he had to stop, as the pain of memory hit him. He kept remembering all the times he sat in this study near this desk with a book or scroll or a lap desk and papers of his own. His father half keeping an eye on him, half catching up on KeiBu paperwork.

There were burning, piercing moments when Sasuke's memories kicked him in the teeth and reminded him it was often not so simple as "Dad values Itachi and not me."

And that, rather shockingly, hurt.

And then he took a deep breath, and kept going.

##

###  **Aburame Main Kitchen, 455 Honeysuckle Avenue**

"Anko," Nara Shikaku murmured. "A good choice."

It was a sort of informal club. 'Parents with Genin.' Genin o motsu oya, Tsume mused, as she moved ever so slightly closer to Hiashi and enjoyed his sudden flush. Gemotsuya, maybe? "Mm. And if anyone can get Kiba to stop trying to Alpha Male through life..."

"He's a fine young man," Hiashi assured her. She found him handsome, and more of a man than the one she'd first married. No one commented on the way his arm often ended up across her shoulders in informal settings, or how in formal ones they were often side by side. This was Hi. This was Konoha. If you wanted really rigid social structure, you went to Mizu.

"Who occasionally needs a big damn stick to whack him and remind him we're not our ninken," Tsume shot back.

Hiashi nodded slowly. "Granted. Hinata will keep an eye on him." Because they're practically siblings, was the unspoken truth underneath. "And Shino," he noted, earning a nod from the stoic Pride of the Aburame who sat at the head of the table as a sort of chairman. That, and it was his home. The man wore the high collar and shades typical of his clan, and wasn't exactly noted for his sparkling conversation. But damn, the man put together a good breakfast.

"Shino... can be withdrawn," Aburame Shibi noted. "I hope he does not allow established friendships to atrophy."

"Gen," Hyuuga Hiashi said, and the Aburame gave a brief hum of amusement at the nickname. "Given who he is friends with...?"

"Your boy is not getting a chance to be a hermit," Nara Yoshino assured the Aburame, reaching out to pat his shoulder. Anyone who thought of Yoshino strictly as a harpy haranguing her husband had never met the woman.

Not that she wasn't good at lighting a fire under the fool's butt when needed.

Shikaku smirked. "The Hokage has chosen exceptionally well this year-- though I do believe Umino Iruka had a great deal to do with that."

Akimichi Chouza coughed, swallowed his food, and finished laughing. "Poor boy doesn't even realize what being in the Hokage's company as often as Sarutobi's old teammates means." There was a collective laugh as the redhead grinned. Chouza was a large and genial man, but as with all Akimichi you'd be an idiot to assume he was soft.

"Once Kakashi settles in, we should suggest making him a Tokujou attached to... whatever Kakashi's position gets called," Yamanaka Inoichi said in that calm way of his. "Keep him in the academy, but give the man some of the recognition he deserves."

"Already happened," Shikaku said. "He's basically Hatake's right hand now."

Inoichi frowned thoughtfully, his hand running through the blond spikes on top of his head. "What are we calling Hatake?"

"Any time I ask the Hokage, he just smirks. And then chortles," Shikaku sighed. "As he does."

"We're all doomed," Inoichi murmured.

Chouza patted his old teammate's shoulder. "Naw. With Asuma ironing the kinks out, our kids'll be a better Ino-Shika-Chou combo than we were!"

"If they don't kill each other," Yoshino agreed.

"Mm. Problematic," Shikaku noted. "Much as I'm glad Shikamaru will be part of a new Ino-Shika-Chou, I also dislike the idea of him losing touch with his friends outside the team. Kiba and Naruto were good influences, making him do things beyond just passing."

"Amusing too," Shibi noted.

"That, and you could convince your wife to make that lovely barbeque pork ramen whenever you had Uzumaki over for dinner," Inoichi shot back.

"That too," Shikaku mused, ignoring the mind-nin's eyeroll and his wife's-- actually, no. Shikaku had not once yet managed to avoid the glare of his wife. "Uh. Er. Ahem. Hmm. Shibi... perhaps you could put a bug in Kurenai's ear--"

"Pun noted and appreciated," Shibi murmured.

"Thank you, about inter-team training. This is a promising group, after all. They make chuunin, they're practically a mission pool on their own."

"Add Team Gai, and they are," Hiashi mused. "And you can mention it to Asuma, who loves team building anyway..."

"And we get a nice social and military dynamic among a promising group of genin," Shikaku agreed.

"Why, Shika-kun, it's almost as if you intended to emulate an Uzushio style Genin Pool," Tsume noted lightly.

"Imagine that," Shikaku drawled, but there was that undercurrent to his voice that made everyone stop chuckling and pay attention to the Jounin Hanchou. "Engineering things so that Minato-kun's son is being trained the way he wanted."

Tsume gamely tried to get his spirits up. "Given the size of the building she's based them in, I think little Anko's already thinking the same thing."

"Mm," was Shikaku's only reply.

Yoshino reached around her husband. "It'll make them all stronger."

"Mm."

Hiashi sighed, and leaned forward. "Shikaku--"

"He was being sabotaged. At the Academy. How'd I--" Shikaku closed his eyes.

"You are a brilliant man, my friend," Hiashi said sternly. "But you are not omniscient."

Shikaku shook his head. "One of us should have adopted him..."

"And what?" Hiashi said, leaning back-- incidentally to where Tsume's arm waited. "Subject him to Hyuuga clan politics? Have to explain why he can't bond with the kikaichuu like his brother?"

"He would have been fine with us," Shikaku said.

"Yes. He would have fit in with any of us, Hiashi's concerns notwithstanding," Shibi noted. "But we are not who Minato entrusted with his care."

Shikaku sighed. "What a drag. It's so... problematic."

##

###  **0500 h.**

"You're doing a lot better today," Naruto noted with a grin.

Sakura gave a wry little laugh. "Give me a week, and I'm sure I'll be bitching up a storm. It'll take a bit of time to make this the new normal. And Gai seems to like to mix it up. We're starting with the run today."

"Oh, well, yeah," Naruto agreed. "And I have no doubt Nee-sensei will pour it on a bit when we get better. Training to failure, I think Kakashi-nii called--"

Naruto stumbled, and Sakura grimaced as she saw his ankle twist unpleasantly. "Oh, damn, Naruto--"

"Gimme a minute," Naruto said, and kept limping along.

"Naruto, there's training to failure and then there's... being... a... stubborn..."

She blinked. It was like watching a time lapse of a man walking while recovering the feeling in a leg that fell asleep. It took maybe a minute for the limp to barely exist, and a few beats more saw it gone.

Naruto flashed her a grin and began to pick up his pace. "C'mon, Sakura! Tenten's speeding up."

Shaking her head, Sakura gamely made to catch up with her teammate.

That was no mere chakra boost.

##

Kamizuki Izumo smiled and sighed as Team Minion and Team Punishment passed the gate he and Hagane Kotetsu were posted to today.

"Really makes you think, doesn't it Kotetsu?"

"Mm?"

"Watching those kids train. It's partly 'were we ever that young', of course. But... there's more to it, isn't there?"

"Mm."

"I think... well, any one of those kids could Konoha's next great legend, right?"

"Mm. Mm hm."

"And, it's like-- somehow, this little tree the Shodai and Madara and the others planted all those years ago has become this mighty tree, Konoha. And we're all branches, and we may fall and die but the tree's roots are good. Yes. Look, my friend, see the new growth on--"

Izumo turned to his friend and scowled. What had to be a mouthful of spit was draining from the left side of a dozing Kotetsu's mouth, forming a puddle on his flak vest.

Izumo hit him with the butt of his spear.

"EE-JA!" Kotetsu exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"Being a philistine. And not paying attention when we're on duty!"

"But Izumo, gate duty's so boring..."

"It's still a job that needs to be done, dumbass-- and you're the one that volunteered us!"

##

###  **0545 h.**

Glorious summer. Hiruzen got up early on days like today, so he had a few hours to just enjoy Konoha. Barring a village level emergency, he could sit on the porch of the Hokage's residence, or take a walk through the city, or join some of his most trusted nin for a breakfast meeting more informal than any Chiaki scheduled before ascending the Tower and starting his Kage Bunshin on the day's paperwork while he handled the vital matters of state directly.

Today, Morino Ibiki, Nara Shikaku, and Taka Eiji joined him in his home for breakfast.

He loved to cook, when he got a chance-- though he always let Eiji handle the eggs. His dearly departed wife had gotten him so used to having them over hard and tromped on (so to speak) he had a hard time making them any other way.

"Hokage-sama, I have some... problematic concerns," Shikaku said, sighing.

"Is the next Ino-Shika-Chou still not gelling?" the Hokage sighed.

"More. I'm concerned about the whole lot of them. I'm not the only one," Shikaku said, sighing.

Sarutobi shared a glance with Eiji. The jounin (who was about Jiraiya's age, wasn't he?) had taught his share of teams before taking over Intelligence and Counterintelligence-- Ibiki had been on one of them, leading to a near seamless link between the Torture and Interrogation subdivision and its parent department.

"Any particular teams?" Eiji asked, sipping at his tea.

"It's more a matter of the dynamic within the Rookie Nine," Shikaku clarified.

"Already, a nickname," Sarutobi chuckled.

"Might as well be the Rookie Twelve. Konoha Twelve?" Ibiki rumbled, eyes narrowing as he weighed each potential nickname.

"Ah. Team Gai," Eiji said with a nod. "Mm. Many of us consider them with the rookies as well."

"There were... bonds formed in the Academy," Shikaku noted, pausing in his eating. "The cell structure can cause those to wither, Sarutobi-sama-- and being too insular isn't good either."

"Mm. Indeed," Hiruzen said, sighing as he thought of three promising young nin... and what his surrogate children had come to. "And did the Scheming Parents come up with any ideas...? I note you came here after eating at Gen's."

Shikaku smirked. Hiruzen was glad for the lack of surprise-- as if the Hokage wouldn't know about that little group. "The food's good, and you always give us leftovers, so... no need for a lunch."

"Lazy arse," the Hokage chided fondly. "You had some ideas?"

"We'd like to... nudge the jounin-sensei into more group training," Shikaku explained.

"Anko's already getting Gai's help with Team Minion's taijutsu," Ibiki murmured, snatching a bristling from one of the dishes and slipping the small, soft boned fish into his mouth.

"Team... Minion...?" the Hokage gasped, mirth dancing in his eyes.

"Orange-minion and Pinkie-minion," Eiji said with a smirk. "We're all wondering what Sasuke's going to be, if she passes him. Speaking of, has anyone--"

"No complaints worth speaking of," the Hokage said lightly.

"All civilians?" Eiji asked, grinning.

"As I said, Eiji-kun," the Hokage innocently confirmed.

"But as I was saying," Shikaku noted, stirring his miso soup, "it's one part ensuring established friendships continue, and another--" The Nara sighed. "Minato-sama and Kushina-sama aren't here, so we all tend to dwell an extra bit on what Naruto's missed out on. We've all seen what some citizens think is acceptable. I know you can't break out the staff for every little glare," Shikaku noted, "so we try to figure out positives to balance it out. One of the things Minato planned was to shift us closer to Uzu style genin pools, but maintain the mentor-ship Tobirama-sama instituted the cells to foster. So if we do this..."

"It neatly solves many concerns," Hiruzen mused. "Creating, in effect, a hybrid system. But I'd need a jounin to head it properly, co-ordinate things... at least a special jounin with leeway, as Ibiki has... Oh."

All three guests of the Hokage took in the look on Sarutobi's face.

"Hokage-sama?" Eiji asked. "May I enquire...?"

"Oh, I just realized someone's overdue for a promotion," The Hokage said.

"...and...?" Eiji prompted

"And he's been annoying my grandson more than actually training him."

The three men before him stared at the Hokage in open awe.

"Damn," Ibiki finally said with a smirk on his face and the slightest touch of awe in his voice. "And I thought I was expert at torture."

"Unexpected," Shikaku noted.

The Professor shook a finger at them all. "Children, children, children. You all have so much to learn, and I do so enjoy teaching." The Hokage leaned back, took a sip of his tea, and smirked. "And that's why it's good to be... me," he said smugly.

##

Naruto was feeling the Burn, and the Burn was good.

Everyone felt that when they pushed themselves, right? The Burn? He'd heard chuunin and jounin training while extolling each other to feel the Burn.

His ankle, the one he twisted earlier, burned a bit more. Which made sense, the burn seemed related to pushing yourself and he had used his Awesome healing thing (Awesome even if it was likely courtesy of Fuzzy the Terrible sealed inside him) to keep going. But he had still _hurt_ it, so of course he felt his effort a bit more.

Although he was going to have to quit with the pushups soon, even if it meant giving Lee the win today. Today's burn was a little too harsh at the moment-- and Sakura was right. It was training _to_ failure, not past it so you couldn't do anything else!

A hearty breakfast, and he'd be back at it. Yeah. Give the Burn some food to burn up instead of his muscles.

He wondered if there'd be smoked brisling today.

##

###  **0600 h.**

"Orange-minion! Pinkie-minion!" Anko declared. "Fufufufufu! Your mistress is pleased with your progress so far!"

"As if there was any doubt," Naruto said, buffing his nails on his jacket.

"And your humility," Anko added.

"That's us," Naruto agreed.

"Humble," Sakura chimed in.

Anko nodded with a grin. "Almost time for resistance seals."

"Resistance seals?" Sakura wondered.

"Oh, cool!" Naruto crowed. "I'm old enough?"

"These are...?" Sakura prompted.

"Kakashi-nii and a lot of the other nin known for strength and speed use them," Naruto explained. "You can't use them too early in life, ‘cause they can actually hurt you--"

"Naruto," Sakura said, with a slight edge of impatience, "I can make a guess, but I'm not certain what the things do, or how they're different from the sealed weights Lee uses."

Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Right, right. Okay, so Centipede Brows has weights, as well as weight seals on those. Those do exactly what it says-- he's walking around, lifting those weights every time he moves everyday. The seals add more weight through a few... complex jiggery pokery with a storage seal we don't need to get into right now."

"But whatever makes it so the scroll I've got too many swords to count on still weigh the same as a normal scroll..." Tenten offered.

"That bit is taken out of a weight scroll, right," Sakura said.

"Now, there's also gravity seals. Those make you feel heavier without affecting your mass. But it's all or nothing at whatever level you've got it set to, and it only comes from one direction--"

"The same one gravity pulls us," Sakura nodded her understanding.

"Right. Now resistance seals are exactly what they say on the tin, in a way. No matter what direction you move, the seal makes it so it's like... you're pulling on an industrial rubber band to move, or walking under water or through mud. You increase the resistance over time, and train with them on and off. On to build yourself up, and off to get used to being hella fast and strong without them."

"Ah, Anko-sensei--!" Lee said, raising a finger.

"No, Lee, you have weights as well because it's your special training menu. You're a taijutsu specialist. For Naruto and Sakura, weights and resistance seals could hurt them and for little useful gain."

"Little... useful... gain," Lee said, scrawling on a notepad.

"Make way, Make way!"

"Oh, cool, Sushi for breakfast," Naruto said.

##

###  **0605 h.**

"Hiashi-sama. Why do they still try to take our lands?"

Hiashi sighed. In some ways, serving as the Uchiha Sesshou was indeed like having another child. And the whys were no less heavy.

"Sasuke," he said, speaking calmly as was instinct to him, "near the end there, the Uchiha were tarnished. Certain Uchiha were liked, even loved as the best and brightest in the village. But others-- including I must regrettably note your father-- seemed determined to bring every negative stereotype people had about the clan to the forefront. Your father and other clan leaders, while not overstretching their effective power--" He had to wince as perhaps the perfect comparison occurred to him. "It is as happened when I acted in the wake of Hinata's kidnapping all those years ago. Was I in my rights to kill the Kumo nin that did it? Yes. Rather clearly. But you can never change one thing, and because I killed him instead of capturing him, the whole village suffered. The Raidaimyo leaned on the Raikage, Kumo leaned on us... My brother's sacrifice actually hurt our face with the other clans more, even as they agreed it was probably our only option."

"... and my father was making more than one of these errors..." Sasuke said, not quite a question.

"More. He was forcefully acting as if they weren't errors, as if he was simply exercising a given privilege." Hiashi shook his head. "And the wolves gather at your door, expecting easy prey."

Sasuke frowned. "So... to prevent this, I must help my clan recover face?"

"And there is only you to do so," Hiashi agreed with a sad nod.

"... how did you do it?"

Hiashi gave a short, barely there chuckle. "In some minds, I... and the Hyuuga as a whole-- have not. There will always be those holdouts. Odd as it is, though... your father was the one to advise me of the best first step."

Sasuke blinked. "Oh?"

"Get my own head straight so I can deal with it. If I'm not, the clan can't."

Sasuke nodded, then gave his own amused hm. "Hiashi-sama... when you noticed my father... back sliding...?"

"I and others did indeed echo his advice back to him," Hiashi said with a sad little puff of air. "But near the end... Fugaku was like a drowning man trying to get air, but unwilling to grab the life float we were tossing him out of pride."

##

"I've never had sashimi this way before," Sakura admitted, adding more of the red hot sauce sitting nearby to the bowl before her. She grabbed a bit of salmon, some of the fresh greens, and some of the sushi rice in the bowl and popped it in her mouth. She smiled even as her eyes watered.

"Hwe dub bap is from Nami, and was from Uzu, originally," Genta explained. "So's what Naruto's eating, Bibimbap."

"My... mother sometimes makes it dolsot style," Neji said, and he sounded almost uncertain at the offering.

"What's that?" Sakura asked. It was hard enough getting the Hyuuga semi-sociable.

"You have a hot earthen pot for each diner, and coat it with sesame oil," Neji said, smiling ever so slightly. "You put steamed rice in, and the rice on the edge gets golden and crispy. You pile the vegetables on top, then crack the eggs over it and stir. It's... comfort food, to me."

"It's delicious," Naruto agreed.

Neji blinked. "You've... had it that way?"

"Mm. One of my caretakers as a kid made it for me once a week. She'll still make it for me every once in a while."

Tenten looked down and pouted at her Chirashi sushi, the simple sashimi topping the rice with a bit of daikon and ginger obviously seeming a little... lacking to her now. Sakura held out her bowl. "Here, try some!"

Tenten blinked, then smiled, snapping a bit of rice and greens and fish and popping it in her mouth. Her eyes went wide, and she chewed and swallowed quick. "Whoa! Nami doesn't mess around with hot sauce, do they?"

"It's not hot sauce," Naruto said firmly. "It's Gochujang."

"No mere hot sauce," Neji agreed. The Hyuuga briefly smiled before composing himself.

"Am I early?"

The man carried a pair of woven baskets, and his wide brimmed straw hat marked him as an East Blue native as much as his slight accent and facial structure did.

"Ah! Lion!" Genta said, waving the man closer. "Now is as good a time as any. You guys, I'd like to introduce my friend Parker Lion. He owns a bakery cafe called Brave Leo that sells bakery items from around the sphere. It's actually a franchise he started, with branches in most of the minor Tenkairiku nations, my own homeland, Kells Island, Fiore, Bartertown, and... well, it's almost everywhere on the Sphere."

"Good morning, Paka-san," Sakura said, and blinked as the man winced and smirked all at once.

"Lion is fine, dear child," Parker said. "I know it's only your tongue trying to force my family name to be an common Higo word, but Paka is somewhat of a soft racial slur where I'm from-- it'd be like me saying you're an ' _Elemental',_ or from ' _Fire_ '..."

Sakura felt her mouth drop open, and then she rose and bowed deeply. "My deepest apologies... _Parker_ -san," she said. "My parents have dealt with merchants from your part of the world, and it is only sloppy speaking on my part that lead to that unintended slur. I'm very very sorry!"

"Pax, child," Parker said, patting her shoulder. "Geez, ten years here and and still this throws me... From what Genta tells me, you're... Haruno Sakura?"

"And you're who's going to be forcing delightful but far too rich sweets down my throat," Sakura said, still blushing.

Genta laughed. "You have to admit, Lion," the sushi-ya consoled the pouting baker as he elbowed in, "it does take an Hihon a while to get used to!"

"Naruto got them just fine," Parker said, jerking a thumb at Sakura's teammate.

"Naruto will eat anything," Genta deadpanned, "that he does not know to be a poison. As those of us who are willing to take his patronage know."

Tenten's eyes narrowed as Sakura shared a look with her. "'Are willing', Umemori-san?"

"I have no bias against my potential customers, thus I will readily serve Naruto. Unlike some."

"Genta-kun," Naruto whined.

"Naruto," Genta said, turning to the Uzumaki with an intensity that usually fueled his jovial attitude, "just because _you_ meet the way some shop keepers treat you as 'someone else's problem' with a grin, doesn't mean those who care feel compelled to do the same."

Lee scowled. "How un-Youthful, not to serve a young nin in the Springtime of his Youth!"

Parker shook his head. "I still don't get the animosity some have for you, Naruto. You could make friends with anyone, given half the chance, but so many won't give you the chance."

"Hehehehe," Naruto said weakly. "Not that sure myself, Lion-kun!"

 _That,_ Outer Sakura thought to herself, _gets filed away in the "stuff that doesn't make sense about Naruto" scroll._

 _Yeah,_ Inner Sakura agreed.

 _I'm on it!_ a third voice said, and suddenly Sakura had a vivid picture of herself in civilian office lady garb, sealing a file folder into a scroll and flashing a victory sign.

 _Was Inoichi-san sure it isn't multiple personalities...?_ Inner Sakura wondered.

"Maybe a sort of mental kage bunshin," Sakura muttered.

"What was that, Pinkie-minion?"

"Nothing, sensei!"


	2. 2

###  **0630 h.**

When Hatake Kakashi let loose his ki on the rowdy students of Class Willow, Gourudoko Akane froze with the rest of them.

Even as she stamped down the panic response that was trying to bloom in her chest, Akane had a sinking feeling the jounin was holding back.

Oh, sweet Shodai, he had come back for revenge for what they did to him the day he came in to demonstrate summons. That was it. She was doomed, they were all doomed, but her most of all!

"Now that I have your attention... Attend. Stand in the ready position. This will be the default when a teacher arrives before you. At desks, you will stand. On grounds as we are now, form neat rows and stand ready. Gourudoko Akane!"

"Y-yes, Hatake-sensei!" she managed.

"You bound me with my own wire to a desk by co-ordinating your classmates."

"... yes, Sensei," Akane agreed. _Mama, Michiko-ba-chan... I'm so sorry I let you down, and do not let my death shame you too--_

"Good job."

"Wha...?" Akane said intelligently.

"You subdued a 'real jounin'. Led a group of your classmates with better cohesion than many chuunin I've met, and the only thing that kept me from being set on fire was a chakra control exercise the Yondaime's wife taught me. Good job."

"... thank you? Er, thank you, Hatake-sensei!"

Kakashi's eye narrowed, and something told her he was smiling. "As a reward, you are duty officer for this class. Organize your classmates into rows."

Akane blinked, then stood up tall. She had impressed "Man Down" Kakashi! She hadn't shamed her family, and now he was entrusting her with more responsibility!

Well. Any Gourudoko worth the name knew how to respond to being entrusted with a task.

"Everyone! Stand in the same rows and files we normally sit in class!"

"Akane, I'm taller than Utamuro--"

"Switch places, Sayako," the Gourudoko said simply. "In fact, if you can not see over the person in front of you, swap places until you can. Quickly! This is Hatake Kakashi! The Yondaime's student!"

 _That_ lit a fire under some arses. In a moment, the class was lined up. "Straighten up those columns and rows! Open it up! C'mon, guys, we've done parade drills! Inspection spacing!"

In a moment, save for a few, the rows and columns were perfect. The few corrections she made were met with compliance, until she reached Iida Satoru.

"Stick it up your arse, Gourudoko, I don't have--"

"Iida Satoru, you are dismissed from this session. Do not return until the next Summer Session starts in Tori," Hatake said coldly.

The Iida blinked. "When my--"

Akane felt only the echoes of the intent Hatake-sensei directed at Satoru. "Whoever they are, I outrank them, unless it is the Jounin commander or the Hokage," Hatake replied. "Move, or be removed."

Satoru eeped as Hatake's ki lightened.

"Hatake-sensei is being nice," Akane said bluntly. "Leave."

The Iida blinked, swallowed, backed up, and then turned and ran.

Akane allowed herself a swallow, then with a few gestures, got them lined up so that the gap was at the back, to Hatake's left. She turned forward herself, and called, "Ready stance! Bow!" The others followed suit, some rather sloppily... but it was a start.

"Excellent. That is your procedure from now on when greeting a Sensei, understood?"

There was an affirmative mumble. Akane scowled. That would never do!

"He can't hear us talk to our feet, guys! Give him a proper reply!"

"Indeed," Kakashi said. "The correct response is, 'Yes, Sensei!', whether it is myself, Iruka-sensei, Mako-sensei, or any other nin sensei. Understood?"

Akane frowned at the first response. "Louder!" she barked, leading the class in a much firmer, "Yes, Hatake-sensei!"

"Thank you, Akane. Sit-- and outside, when in class, sitting means seiza unless I have a note explaining otherwise, or give permission. For example, Nakahara-kun, I can tell your knee is injured. Sit as your inin directed."

"Thank you, Hatake-sensei," the boy said. He was already showing the first signs of his clan bloodline asserting itself, shedding the fat reserves that made his clan's relationship to the Akimichi obvious in exchange for the balance of muscle and bulk powerlifters strived for. He'd been cute before then, Akane mused, and grew only more attractive.

Akane snapped herself out of it. It wouldn't do to be mooning over a boy when she had a Responsibility. After seeing all her classmates were seated, she looked to Hatake-sensei.

"Class Willow, ready for lessons, Hatake-sensei."

Kakashi then gave the whole class a long, careful look.

"As you know, I am Hatake Kakashi. As of that fun little class we had the other day, I am in charge of this academy. My official title is Hosensei. You may address me as that, Hatake-sensei, or Kakashi-sensei. Over the next month or so, I will be evaluating the entire academy. I am watching your instructors, and I am meeting every single class to get a feel for where we are. You, however, are different. You are the pilot class. Any changes I make to how the whole school works... will be tested on you, under Mako-sensei's direction."

Akane blinked. Her class were testing the changes... Hatake-hosensei was making to the Academy?

"My first impression of you all..." he said slowly, "is that you need work." He let his eye run over the class, keeping a bit of his intent up. "Akane!"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Akane said, snapping to her feet.

"Assume for a moment that I am a 'real jounin', and my first day here I was watching you all to learn as much as I can. Even then, as a 'real jounin'... I could probably kill this entire class in moments despite the fact I was holding back. Agreed?"

Akane swallowed. "I was... actually afraid that was why you came back, Sensei."

"So yes?" Kakashi asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yes, Hosensei-sama," she said, a little primly. Well, duty or not, he was pushing.

Kakashi just gave her one of those eye smiles. "Yes. So how did you, a class of cadets, take me out?"

Akane felt herself at a loss. "You-- you let us?"

"Ma. Give yourself some credit, Akane-chan," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "I don't like being set on fire, my girl. Saying I 'let you' implies I somehow gave permission. No. You did catch a real jounin off guard. Anyone else?"

Silence fell as Akane sat. Then, someone cleared their throat.

"Yes. Nakahara Haruo."

The young man slowly stood-- _bad knee and all!_ Akane squeed internally. "Sensei. Was it-- we came at you all at once and worked together?"

Kakashi gave him a pleased nod. "Indeed. Akane helped direct you, you played off each other-- and you caught your Hosensei, who has flee on sight orders up the wazoo, off guard." He turned to take them all in, gesturing Haruo to sit. "Teamwork. In Konoha, we value it so very highly. And yet..." He looked the class over and shook his head. "Somewhere between today and when you graduate, most of you will forget this fact. I have sent eight prospective genin teams back here to the Academy after they failed the same test my Jounin-sensei gave me-- one I squeaked by as a supposed prodigy, I'll add." His eye narrowed to emphasize the point. "My sensei was Namikaze Minato. And as I mentioned, Uzumaki Kushina was not a non-factor in my training."

Several gasps went out, and other expressions of shock. Akane found she couldn't stop smiling. She got to learn from the Fourth's student! A man taught by the Yellow Flash and Red Habanero!

"I nearly failed that test because I did not look underneath the underneath. I did not see, at first, the three lessons the Bell Test-- and feel free to look it up on your own time-- was supposed to test and teach. Yami, I didn't really get it until a dear friend died in the field. "

"Kakashi-sensei?"

He turned to the voice. "Yes. Rokubungi... Riina, isn't it?"

Akane watched as her friend stood. By her auburn hair and hazel eyes, anyone of Konoha could guess her clan. "Yes, sensei," she agreed in introduction, and her manner was the perfect composure that marked a true member of the Berserkers of the Hearth Flame. Riina was so cool, and Akane wondered again what such a cool girl would want a struggling Guardian like Akane as a friend for. "I... understand the teamwork part of the test, and to look underneath the underneath, but what is the third lesson?"

Kakashi smiled, and made sure it carried in his voice. "Why don't you give the class some context, Riina? Just the highlights. History first."

She nodded, calm even with all eyes on her. The clan heir Goto wasn't so composed. Akane was smiling with pride as her friend spoke. "The bell test is a matter of public record, but it's also a registered and reserved teaching method passed down through those taught by the Shodai and his brother. As such, only a select few jounin in Konoha have the right to use it. You are one because you were taught by the Yondaime, who was taught by Jiraiya the Gama Sennin, and he was taught by the Sandaime, who was taught by both of the Senju Hokage."

"Very good," Kakashi said, beginning to pace in front of the group. "Although I'll note that Jiraiya's students in Ame, including the oyabun, are as entitled to use it as the Fourth was. The set up?"

"Remarkably simple, sensei. Many people miss this in their registration papers-- itself a sort of test-- but passing the academy merely makes you a genin candidate."

"What?" someone exclaimed.

Akane snapped to her feet. "Riina is speaking! Shut it!"

"Y-yes, Akane-sempai."

Akane nodded, then briefly looked at Kakashi-- oh, thank all the Kami, he was smiling-- before sitting again. Kakashi nodded to Riina to continue even as the loudmouth slumped forward where he knelt.

Riina nodded back and pressed on. "The prospective genin teams each are tested by their sensei to be. In the case of the bell test, they are presented with a timer, and two bells attached to their possible jounin-sensei. They are told they have until the time elapsed to get a bell from their sensei to pass."

Akane gasped. "But Riina-sensei! There's only two bells!"

Riina smiled slightly, "'Ah, my little genin, that's because whoever doesn't have a bell when the timer goes off is getting sent back to the academy.'"

"But sensei!" Kakashi mock whined. "Aren't genin supposed to work in teams of three?"

"Bah, my test, my rules. For all you know, I've already passed your third teammate. Start. And come at me seriously, as if this was a mission, with killing intent!"

"Thank you, Riina," Kakashi said, gesturing for Riina to sit. "There's usually some bitching about how they could hurt you there, too, but that's a remote possibility as few of these lot are led by the devious Gourudoko Akane."

The class laughed and Akane couldn't resist giving the Hosensei a little salute. That earned another eye smile before Kakashi went on.

"Of course, jounin who do not entertain that possibility run the risk of being killed by a bunch of genin."

Those words and Kakashi's suddenly serious tone stopped the laughter, save for a few nervous titters.

"Let's assume things are going as smoothly as they can, though. Can anyone tell me how this shows me if you know how to see underneath the underneath?"

There was a moment of silence, and then Inuzuka Kanenage stood, the Shepherd's hound pup at his side rising from a reclined position to sitting at attention. "Kakashi-sensei. It's there in what you and Rii-chan said, isn't it?"

"Go on, Kanenage," the Hosensei encouraged calmly.

"Well-- genin work in teams of three assigned by the Hokage on recommendations from the chuunin-sensei. You... have to see past what the sensei is suggesting and understand you all pass or fail as a team... the second bit."

"That's a big part of it," Kakashi agreed, letting the slightest hint of approval enter his voice.

"But, Sensei... there's more and I can't quite grasp it."

Kakashi inclined his head to one side. "What do you grasp?"

"Well, I get that you're supposed to be willing to give your team mates the bells, but..."

"Konoha means more than our lives," a quiet voice said. Akane was shocked to realize it was her own.

Kakashi nodded at Kanenage to sit, and gently gestured for her to stand. "Yes, Akane? You raise an interesting point. Please, elaborate."

Akane bit her lip. "Well. Maybe it's just my upbringing as a Gourudoko... but... say it _was_ a real mission. Instead of 'one of you might not get a bell' it might be 'one of you has a high chance of... dying'. To do the mission, you have to stop thinking just of 'me'. You can't just think of the others either-- there's a chance the two bells are a trick. There's a chance all of you could survive. But... the mission is what's important. I guess."

Kakashi did not make her wait. "You are the first person to see that even in the abstract when faced with my bell test."

Akane felt herself flush at the praise. "T-thank you, Sensei."

"Sit." After Akane did so, Kakashi took the class in. "In the heat of battle, so many genin forget everything Riina, Kanenage, and Akane have just related. The Hokage has sent me here to change that. My goal is to see at least three-quarters of you on genin teams within the next three years, and see at least half of those make chuunin within a year after that."

There was a murmur, and he laughed. "Mako, are they doubting me or themselves?"

"A bit of both, Kakashi-sensei."

Akane wasn't the only one to startle at Mako's dry answer. When had she gotten here?

"Ma. Like I said, you need work." Kakashi said with an eye smile. "Now, as part of being my poor, trapped lab mice... we will be engaging in some... experimental training. It will be harsh, it will push you, and it will take a while to settle into any sort of routine. Thus, I'm going to give you a chance to skip out on it.... but that means leaving the academy until next session. I'll give you all ten minutes."

It took a bit, but Chiba Tamehide rose and gave Kakashi a barely there bow, with Nagatsuka Momo following suit. No surprise there. They were Iida's friends, and would go where he did.

Then Fuchida Yukitomo rose, scowled at Kakashi, and left the field.

That started the deluge, and eight others rose and left in rapid succession.

When Riina rose as well, with Haruo looking to follow, Akane found herself standing.

"Hosensei," Akane said, "Riina often has intense training in her clan hijutsu over the course of the week..."

"Mm? Ah, yes, it slipped my mind. Riina-chan, I have already contacted your parents and others about this. Please, make your choice assuming that we are working together to forward _all_ your training. And Haruo-kun, your injury has been taken into account as well. I'm sorry I forgot to mention it in a devious hidden test of character."

"... you do know some of those that have left are going to hear about this and come back to complain...?" Akane said, hoping she wasn't pushing her luck with her super awesome new sensei.

"Ah. Well, if they come back in the right mindset, they may earn another chance. Hopefully they'll learn the other lesson the bell test can teach. Or at least, the second chance part."

"Second chance?" Akane wondered, looking to Riina. Her friend slowly shook her head, and Akane looked back to her sensei.

"I won't bore you with details," Kakashi said, "but the thrust of it is... it is indeed insubordination to disobey, but in Konoha the greater sin is not to give your commanders the info they need and to be ready to stand against them when there is a problem. It isn't easy to know when it's right to stand on a point, but Konoha is all about, as we said, team work. And that includes communication between commanders and subordinates. So, anyone else going?"

Akane looked around, doing a quick head count.

"No? Akane-chan. Roll call of who has remained, please."

"Er, yes Hosensei. Alphabetized by kana?"

"Eh, that should work," Kakashi-sensei said offhandedly. Where had that clipboard he was perusing come from?

 _He's baiting me,_ Akane thought. "As the Therans would, Hosensei, or like we would? Or maybe by East Blue transliteration--"

"Our kana order, in reverse," Kakashi said, giving her an eye smile over his clipboard. "By family names. And then... we're off to train alongside your chuunin sensei!"

Akane swore the combined blink of her and the remains of Willow Class were audible.

"Damn, Taicho. You're good," Mako-sensei murmured.

"You say something Mako-chan? Er, Akane, you were, I think maybe... doing something duty officer-ish?"

Akane made note of that phrase. "Yes, Hosensei-sama."

"Oi, that's a little much," Kakashi groused.

"Ahem. Watari Noriko!"

"Here!"

"Miyahara Nobuhito"

"Here!"

"Hayakawa Kazuma!"

##

###  **0646 h.**

"Damn. Ino's clan don't mess around with gardening, do they?" Naruto said, looking at the now-clear back garden.

"Heh, anymore than the Nara and deer or the Akimichi and food," Sakura noted wryly. "Or you would mess around with ramen."

"I did not hear the food of the kami capitalized there," Naruto said with faux pretense, "and so you have lost face for the Haruno clan today."

"Darn," Sakura deadpanned. "Now I'll have to work to carve out my personal fiefdom when you're Hokage."

"You takes yer chances..." Anko advised. Then she pointed. "Okay, see that area they've staked out by the back door?"

"Patio?" Sakura guessed.

"Yes. And beside it, we're going to resurrect my mother's Keltic style ornamental kitchen garden. We'll plant a few select useful plants on the other side, to segregate them from food... and from here to the fence line there is ours to play with."

"Heh. Hey, that's almost as big as... training ground... 35..." Naruto's eyes grew misty.

Anko just nodded to the blond.

"Bet that's why they built it as a tounhousu," Sakura mused as Naruto glomped their sensei. "We setting this up just for us, or with an eye to the future...?"

"Mm... well, beyond us and Team Punishment, it'd be good to plan for sustainability--"

"Oh, Gai-kun, we shall take turns training our children, myself Torturing the Awesome into them while you Punish them until their Youth is eternal!"

"Anko-koi, my blossom! Surely our children will be legendary embodiments of the Will of Fire!"

Anko pursed her lips. "Me not being sure I want those wigs to become a thing is just going to help them be a thing, isn't it?"

"Maybe~," her genin said.

"Forty-five laps of the yard while I draw sketches of the layout."

"Awwww..." the duo cried.

##

###  **0748 h.**

"Yami-sama," Sai said, walking into an office that in no way existed far below the Hokage's, "Talkative-sensei is going overboard with the newest team."

A displeased look crossed Danzou's face. "Damn it. This report has to be never missing from Ibiki's personal file today so he can properly show knowledge beyond what he should have to that Kumo infiltrator. How many times is this?"

"This is the third time I have personally seen Chatty cross the line," Sai said with a dissonant smile. "And the fourteenth we have hearsay for."

"Right. Not feeling nice. Tell Cougar and Badger to watch Firefly, and should he cross the line... take care of him as they see fit."

"As you say, Yami-sama," Sai said. The dark haired teen started to withdraw, then paused, his face flickering to worry. "Light-jii... are you alright? I know I am a terrible judge of such things, but you seem-- more 'tense' than 'at the ready.'"

Danzou sighed. "Just... I let a few things build up, Sai. I need to handle them, which means a day at the desk."

Sai pursed his lips. "Would some of the Calming Autumn tea the Yamanaka make help...?"

Danzou looked up and smirked ruefully. "Something I shouldn't need you to suggest."

"I shall fetch you some."

"Such a good boy."

##

"Sensei... you're... really one for maps, aren't you?" Sakura said, blinking at the "simple sketches" Anko had made.

"How'd you figure the gradients of the yard? And is 0.04 really a notable incline?" Naruto said. "Geez, Sensei, you must be a member of the Monkey Nami Map making--"

He blinked at the produced card that pronounced

**NAMI-SAMA'S LITTLE MAP MIKANS**

**MITARASHI ANKO**

**PRESIDENT**

**KONOHA CHAPTER**

"... figures," he murmured.

"That's a... lot of training posts, and a really accessible storage-- wait, Rock Lee..." Sakura realized.

"Rock Lee," Anko agreed.

"And the target range-- Panda-chan..." Naruto noted.

"Do they sell straw dummies in bulk?" Sakura wondered.

"Plans call for just enough for the first tier discount," Anko said.

"Wow. Hey," Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Why's the sparring area got the qualifier 'Uzumaki-Proof as Possible'?"

"... your clan's got a reputation. In that area," Anko explained.

"Oh, c'mon, Sensei, I'm not that--"

"You once toppled the climbing rig on the Academy yard when you hit Kiba with that Uzumaki Variable assault," Sakura reminded him helpfully.

"Yeah, but that was an isolated--"

"Then there was the crater they had to call the chuunin in to repair after Chouji suggested you see how much chakra an exploding tag could take," Sakura added.

"Okay, maybe once or twice--"

"And then there's that 'ramen related incident' Kakashi won't go into details about--" Anko offered, only to notice Naruto huddled in a ball rocking himself.

"Please... I... the memories... so dark... my thumbs... my poor abused thumbs... and Hopper-kun still feels it when it rains... I can't..."

Anko's eyes went wide. "Not mentioning it, don't worry. Are... you..."

"Gimme a moment," Naruto said, shuddering and then swallowing back bile. "I... never heard any of the Bears... gasp or scream before that day...Poor Ocelot-nii!"

Sakura blinked. "O... kay... er... so, trees for special exercises-- won't they take a while to grow, or are we transplanting them or something?"

"Or something," Anko said with a smirk.

##

Tenzou looked up from his coffee and sighed.

"Someone plotting the abuse of your abilities again?" Parker Lion asked.

The dark-haired tokoujou held up his cup. "Keep it coming, Lion-san."

##

Anko shivered. At Sakura's blink, she waved it off. "Sorry, I just felt the echoes of future suffering at my hands."

Sakura shook her head. "And the T&I Pedigree shines through..."

"Nee-sensei," Naruto said numbingly, "tell me about the jutsu again?"

"Okay, now you're just milking it," Anko said flatly.

"Eh, worth a shot," Naruto grumbled, standing. "So... step one, clear all the non-plant stuff away that the Yamanaka decided aren't their problem?"

"Without Kage Bunshin," Anko-sensei said.

"Monster," Naruto grumbled.

"I did call this Hell Week, Orange-minion. Chop chop, get to it. I'll be doing the thing any proper sensei should do in this case."

"... You're going to find a spot to sit and watch us toil, aren't you?" Sakura asked.

An ANBU descended from-- somewhere, which was something considering the relative lack of tree cover. "Lawn chair, Sempai?"

"Oh, thank you, Hopper-kun," Anko cooed, whipping off her trench coat to reveal a bikini and pulling an East Blue straw hat from between her bust.

"Iced Sweet Tea, Anko-chan?" Kingfisher said, offering her the glass on a platter.

"Oh, my dear lady, I knew there was a reason you were my favourite trainer during my ANBU induction," Anko said, and the two exchanged a kissing noise.

"Kei-sensei thought you might like this Umbrella, Anko-sempai!"

"Harumi-chan..." Naruto gasped.

"It's not betrayal, it's Sempai's privilege," the seamstress said lightly.

"... and why aren't you working so I can bask in your pain?" Anko wondered, glancing over a pair of sunglasses her students hadn't noticed her put on.

"Sensei--" Sakura began.

"Sakura, may I?"

"Oh, go ahead."

"Nee-sensei...?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Hating you now."

"As it should be~!"

##

###  **0758 h.**

Ibiki looked up from his paperwork and met Hopper's gaze. "That... is rather ingenious," he agreed. "You are correct, Anko deserves something for this. I will take care of it."

Hopper bowed. "I leave it to you, Ibiki-sama."

Ibiki grabbed his version of T&I's emblematic trench coat. "Going on an errand," he said sternly to his secretary. "Remember, no one touches that Kumo bastard we picked up, he co-operated."

"Yes, dear," she said just as seriously. "And Mizuki?"

"Keep the rack Anko put him in tight, yes."

"Okay. Oh, and we need cat food."

"I'll pick some up," he agreed grimly.

##

Naruto looked around from picking up rocks. "Don't you guys have anything better to do than carry sensei around on a platform?"

Peacock sighed. "You know, I wondered that too... and then I remembered the time you dyed all our masks pink."

"Ah. Decided to file it under vengeance?"

"Yeah."

"Mm. Suppose I can't fault that," Naruto agreed. "Carry on, then." He then dodged the suntetsu his sensei launched at him. "Ah! Steel tipped already, Nee-sensei?" The next one hit his arm. "Alright, alright, I'm workin'!"

"The new issue of _Torture and Ruin_ , Mitarashi-san?"

Anko blinked at the man her associates boosted onto the platform. "Don't you run that newstand near the library?"

"Got caught in one of his paint bombs."

"That was an accident--OUCH! Geez, I'm workin'!"

"Then yes, thank you sir," Anko said, taking the magazine, checking the price, and handing him a 50 ryou note. "Keep the change."

"Wow. Thanks!" the man said, as he was assisted down.

##

"I require... a gift," Ibiki said, meeting the shopkeeper's eyes with his own narrowed gaze.

"Of course, Morino-san," the shopkeeper said genially with a brief bow of his head. "What's the occasion?"

"My associate Anko has finally started earnestly pushing her new genin," Ibiki said, his gaze darting around the store. "I wish a gift to properly convey the... pride I and the other members of T&I feel at this fact."

"Hm. And most of our 'Accomplishment' cards don't quite convey the right tone..."

Ibiki nodded. "I'll admit, the one with the Corgi in the jounin vest came close." He scowled. "But not close enough."

"Hm... Might I recommend a bouquet from the Yamanaka, then? They have several that use ornamental yet useful plants."

Ibiki frowned in thought, eyes narrowing as he contemplated the variables. "I... should have thought of that myself." He placed an envelope on the table. "Finder's fee. From our... special fund. So tax free and so laundered the Hidaimyo's face is chafed." He fixed the shopkeeper with a glare. "Do not spend it all in one place."

The shopkeeper gave him a sincere nod. "I would never waste T&I's generosity."

"See to it you don't," Ibiki said, and vanished.

"Lot easier to please than those Hyuuga," the shopkeep muttered.

"What branch?" Ibiki asked sharply, reappearing.

"An Man," the man said.

"Mm. Not our first complaint. I'll look into it," the interrogator said, eyes narrowing.

And he was gone again.

The shopkeeper's husband came out of the back. "Who was that, Ken-chan?"

"Ah. Morino Ibiki, Ichigo-kun."

"Ah. Good man, Ibiki."

"Yes. It was good to see him relaxing today."

##

"Ow," Sakura said. "So breaking the rocks with that taijutsu exercise Gai-sensei taught me doesn't count as clearing the yard?"

"You catch on fast~!"

##

Inoichi looked thoughtful. "Mm, I would normally recommend one of our 'bella and kunai' arrangements..."

"But she grows her own belladonna and has more kunai than any other nin in town. Even Gai's student, the Emiya," Ibiki confirmed, consulting his list with narrow lips.

"Did your secretary have any ideas?"

"I... didn't want to bug her," Ibiki said darkly. "She's already looking after the kids."

"Ah, yes, I remember my days running that place before you took over," Inoichi agreed. "Give a nin a thumbscrew..."

"... and he'll be hell bent on using it," Ibiki concurred cooly.

"I did hear Anko-chan planning a poison garden in that yard we cleared for her," Inoichi mused. "And while she's ordered the plants... I don't think she has any tools beyond what she's been using for her window box. And if she starts up an ornamental kitchen garden again she'll need at least two sets..."

Ibiki closed his eyes, and Inoichi saw his eyes flicker from side to side under the lids and his lips move slightly for a few moments before he opened them again.

"... promising..." the head torturer cautiously agreed, eyes narrow in the depths of his calculation.

##

"Done. Permission to die, Sensei?" Sakura panted.

At that, a group of nin landed before Anko's platform. "Shokunin Squad 23 reporting!" the bespectacled nin at the front of the group said, saluting. "I understand you need the grade on this yard leveled and altered for training your genin and yourself, Mitarashi-san?"

Naruto grunted and gestured. "There, cleared the rocks and all for you."

The head of the group blinked. "Well, thoughtful of you. Given we use Doton jutsus, not needed. But thoughtful nonetheless."

The two genin blinked, and slowly turned to their sensei.

"Fufufufufu~!"

##

"... Tou-san, did Mitarashi-san just run by laughing maniacally in a bikini?"

"... I... think so Ayame..."

"COME BACK HERE SO WE CAN RE-ENACT THE KUSA GENIN REVOLT!"

"SO! HATING! YOU! SENSEI!"

"... oh, that's right, Umino-san mentioned she was Naruto's sensei."

"Oh, yeah. So, the pork cutlet ramen for the special?"

"Of course, Ayame, it's Mizu-bi."


	3. 3

###  **0800 h. Konoha Hospital, Clinic Section.**

Of all the things Yamanaka Sumika expected to deal with when she was staffing the open door counselling rooms at the hospital, the last Uchiha was low on the list. Hoped for, yes-- there were ties between the Uchiha and Yamanaka that may not have been as deep as with the Nara and Akimichi, but the freshness lent them a certain compulsion to be nurtured. But was the opportunity expected to express itself? No.

Sumika wasn't one for intelligence work, but her skill with the Shinranshin and her clan's other hijutsu practically demanded she do something. So, psychology it was. She was an inin, and one that made her clan proud.

The young man was asking for help, and he would get it. They sat in one of the rooms set up for such sessions, Sumika opening a fresh new notebook. Even if the client never returned, each one got a fresh notebook.

"Uchiha-san," she began, "by order of the Inin Hanchou, I need to give you some information before we start." At the boy's "Hn," in reply, she began the usual spiel. Confidentiality, methods, expectations, where they'd go from here.

"Finally, as a Yamanaka, I have to give you a warning and a reassurance that are the same thing. I can only use my clan's hijutsu in rigidly prescribed circumstances."

The young man thought for a moment, then nodded. "So you will not impinge upon my mind unless absolutely necessary or requested as part of the treatment, and I should not expect those arts to be a quick fix."

"Exactly," Sumika agreed. "Any questions?"

Uchiha Sasuke shook his head.

"I have one, then. What brings you here now, Uchiha-san?" Sumika asked as she poised her pen to take notes and looked at the boy expectantly.

The young nin actually gave a small smile. "I failed my sensei's initial evaluation. And while waiting for my second chance, someone suggested the best place to start was getting my own head straight. So I can meet my goal. Goals."

That word switch was worth exploring. "Goals?" Sumika prompted.

"I... for the longest time, I thought I only had one."

"That was?" she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"The death of my brother," he answered simply.

"I see. I'm not trying to be facile when I ask this, but why?" Sumika asked as she made a quick note on her chart without breaking eye contact with Sasuke.

The Uchiha took a deep breath. "Because he wanted me to. I mean, yes, the clan massacre, but... the more I look at it..."

"Do you feel comfortable going into detail about that night, Sasuke-kun?"

The change in address was a risk, Sumika knew.

Sasuke took a deep breath. "I was just returning home. Something seemed off. I... found the first dead body near the store I used to buy candy at. I... remember reaching home-- my brother was there. Over my... parents..." Sasuke winced, and his face grew strained. It relaxed to his usual child-going-for-composed look. "After that, the next thing I remember clearly is the hospital..."

"That's a rather large gap," Sumika noted.

"I know. I can... get muddled bits of it-- if I force myself--"

"Don't. Not yet," Sumika said. "Sasuke. I think our best course is continued counselling. And with your permission, I'd like access to your medical records from after your brother's attack."

"It was more than--" Sasuke began.

"I am referring strictly to what he did to you," Sumika interrupted firmly. "Until we deal with whatever he did in the middle there, the before and after has no context."

Sasuke frowned. She almost thought he'd leave then.

After a long moment, he instead asked, "Do you need an official signature on anything? Hyuuga Hiashi is handling such until I'm of age..."

##

###  **0830 h.**

Naruto looked down at his chipped and worn kunai and shuriken, and Maito Gai found his own Youthful Flame flare in anger, but maintained his kind smile for the sake of Naruto's Youth and Awesome. The sole stand out was a pristine kunai with a dragon's head on the side.

"No one taught me how to take care of this stuff. Jii-jii said they'd teach us in the Academy when he got me my first set... but I guess I missed that class..." Naruto said. "So, so I just buy new stuff when I need to, y'know?"

Anyone who had spent enough time around Naruto could tell one of his earnest smiles from a forced one. Right now, his smile was forced as all hell.

The shame was how few let themselves get that close to the boy.

"I see," Gai forced himself to say before he turned to look at Sakura's more meagre and much better kept collection. She had the bare academy minimum, a dozen shuriken and a dozen kunai of varied sizes.

"Sakura, these are in good condition."

"Nice, huh? And I didn't get to attend that class either."

This time, Gai could not hold back a bit of his anger from seeping into his voice. "Explain."

"She told me I had a bye," Sakura said, and there was an edge to her voice that was not usually there. "Mio-sensei. At the academy. That bitch told me, Hinata, Shino, and a few others we could miss that class after she kicked Naruto out. Ino had to show me and Hinata how to maintain our gear. I still have a few kunai she bought me that day."

He picked up three of her selection, two small ones and one a bit larger. Not even enough to fill a standard thigh holster. "Would these be the most Youthful weapons in question...?" Gai asked, holding up the blades in question.

"Just the large one and one of the others. Bought the other a week later myself. Though they did come from the same shop-- what?" Sakura blinked.

"Because these three are duty quality... and the rest suitable only for training. In fact... one or two I'd say are only suitable for decorations. You got them... elsewhere?"

Sakura's eyes grew wide. She turned and slammed her palm into a nearby rock. It cracked, little lines radiating out from where her palm hit. No impression yet, but Sakura had just started her Zoukyouken training. "Damn it. Bastards."

Anko's hands were clenched tightly. Neji... well, yes. Seeing his rather un-Youthfully rigid worldview hit a snag was always encouraging.

That said snag involved young Hinata's instruction being compromised was not a welcome thing, of course; regardless of how his anger at the Hyuuga Clan's system made him lash out, Neji did care for his cousin.

Lee's face had grown flat and tight in a manner that reminded Gai of their mutual uncle. The taijutsu prodigy's features relaxed in a sympathetic look as he rested his hand on Sakura's shoulder and mouthed, 'me too'.

He'd need to have a word with Lee to get details later. Kakashi would want to hear this.

Tenten was turning her head between the weapons and Naruto, her eyes watering.

"That bitch," she finally said, and Naruto gave a stunned little yelp as she snagged the blond in a hug.

"On what un-Youthful pretext were you sent away?" Gai asked Sakura.

"Pretext? Certain chuunin made it very clear that certain students were not exactly welcome in their classes," Sakura said with a shrug. "They'd make up an excuse. Usually with Naruto it was some kind of prank. You really didn't steal Mio-sensei's chalk that day, did you?

"Is that what she said I...? Why would I do that?" Naruto pulled away from Tenten's Youthful comfort to stand, as irate as he had been distressed. "That's a chump prank! It's not my style, I tell you, not my style at all!" Naruto declared.

"Sit," Anko suggested gently.

Naruto looked around and smiled a bit more honestly. "Sorry, Nee-sensei."

"You can demonstrate your style on her later, I'll even give you pointers," Anko said with T&I grin #5-- a grin rather close to Naruto's returned fox grin, truth be told.

Tenten pulled out a scroll and rolled it out, and applied a dab of blood to the seal matrix there. "I want you two to put your weapons in there. Even the good ones, Sakura. My mother is a weapon-smith."

"Oh, so she can fix them?" Naruto questioned. At Anko's nod, he began piling his weapons on to the seal. Tenten held up her hand to the dragon-embossed one.

"Not that one. But the rest." Once Sakura's weapons had joined Naruto's, Tenten sealed them in. "She'll give you money for the scrap metal, anyway," the young woman noted lightly.

"Oh," Naruto said, then blinked. "What? Hey, I might not have been able to take care of them, but I bought good stuff, damn it, *good* stuff!"

Gai saw his chance to drive the lecture home. Time to stir those Youthful flames! "Naruto! Since you and Sakura have certain..." _fucking unacceptable,_ he thought silently... "un-Youthful gaps in your training regarding your gear, and have started adopting your own fighting styles... Anko has most Awesomely decided to start you with a Youthful fresh slate!"

Anko stroked Gai's shoulder. "I seem to recall someone mentioning that since he was outfitting his Awesome Punishers, the Youthful Minions might be ready for the same."

Gai knew he was blushing. "I, um. Yes. Well, yes. Tenten, your mother furnished you with the... Youthful items in question for Sakura and Lee...?" he managed as he passed Neji a scroll himself.

Tenten smirked at him as Anko ran her hands through his hair and murmured rather... distracting things in his ear. She pulled out a scroll and tossed it to Rock Lee. "You've been waiting for this."

The boy had already cut open his thumb. His eyes grew wide at the nunchaku that emerged alongside a fresh kit of kunai and shuriken, and wider still at the brass knuckles and climbing claws-- shuko for his hands and ashiko for his feet.

In keeping with time honoured tradition a round of "GAI-SENSEI!" "ROCK LEE!" followed. Some things were just done.

Neji looked about to turn his nose up at his scroll.

"That was your father's," Gai said simply. "Your grandfather entrusted it to me. You may open it in private, if you wish."

That brought silence and an odd look on Neji's face. Children always thought they hid emotion better than they did.

Sakura blinked at the staff that emerged from the scroll Tenten tossed her. It was inlaid with a simple but elegant seal set, and stood out amongst the sharp standard gear.

"Ah. Sakura. Your Zoukyouken may be a Youthful Konoha style, but influences from outside are felt. That staff is a weapon from our Youthful allies in Kusagakure no Sato, the nin village of Tanima no Kuni. The seal work is based on the sealing arts of our lost allies in Uzushiogakure no Sato."

Sakura furrowed her brow in Youthful contemplation, and must have focused a bit of chakra into it. The staff split in three, linked by chains.

Sakura blinked at it. "This is a... Kusa Sanjiegun. Based on a threshing tool."

Gai nodded. "The seals allow it to be used as a bo staff or three section staff at will. It's not suited for a Nara to extend their shadows for their hijutsu because the chain is too short. Staffs fit well with Zoukyouken, and many masters add a short chained flail like nunchaku or the sanjiegun. This Youthful tool gives you both."

Sakura smiled, and Gai could almost see her mind turning over ideas on how to use the staff in battle..

"Sakura-chan!" Rock Lee declared. "We simply *must* spar together!"

"Let me learn how to use this thing, and you're on," Sakura assured him.

Anko was the one to give Naruto a scroll. She looked at it fondly as she handed it to him. "These were given to me by a very dear friend whose family was from Uzushio. These are the traditional weapons of the Uzumaki."

Neji snorted. Gai laid a firm hand on his shoulder. Neji winced and was silent.

Naruto either didn't notice or let it slide.

Anko patted the scroll now in her student's hands. "They're old, but have been sealed since before you were born. I need you to take what Gai-sensei's going to teach you today and use it so that these last to be passed down to your grandchildren. Okay?"

Gai saw Naruto grow more serious than many would give the blond credit for. "Yes, Sensei."

Naruto unrolled the scroll a bit, until a seal was revealed. Anko laid her hand on his, and gestured to this first seal. At her nod, Naruto applied a dab of blood and... well, Gai was sure for Naruto that was a little bit of chakra.

The staff was shorter than the bo Sakura's sanjiegun could serve as, and not as large in diameter.

"This," Anko said, "is a bouwaru, the staff of Uzushio. Pick it up."

"Bou-wa-ru," Naruto said, sounding the word out carefully. Considering the new weapon carefully, his bottom lip jutted out. "It's... short," Naruto murmured, not disparagingly to Gai's ear. More thoughtful.

"Suits you, then," Sakura snarked, as she moved closer along with Lee to get a look.

"Oi..."

"It's made," Anko said, smirking, "out of rattan, the main stem of a vine that grows in the main land area that used to be Uzu no Kuni and now forms our border with Nami. It's naturally chakra conductive. In fact, it's prized for taking a lot of chakra."

Naruto grinned and Gai felt this burst of chakra in his Gates. He heard Neji curse. The boy must have activated his doujutsu.

Gai held in a sigh. Neji's assumptions were going to get him killed.

Naruto's eyes went wide as the stick resized itself-- still shorter than the good foot a bo was usually on its wielder, but still a little taller than he was. "Awesome... oi, sensei, can this do what Enma-san does in his staff form?"

"Naw, sorry kid. The seals on it are made to hold the extra mass for fitting only," Anko said, and patted his head when he pouted.

"Enma?" Tenten wondered.

"Jii-jii's walking stick is actually his summons," Naruto said with a grin. "He can resize himself at will, becoming a bo or even longer! It's in all Jii-jii's biographies!"

"Enma-sama. The monkey king," Sakura clarified. Then she shook her head as Tenten palmed her own face. "Yeah. Trust Naruto to call one of the most respected summons 'Enma-san'."

Naruto rose his pinkie to his right eye and scowled, sticking out his tongue in a Hi child's gesture of disdain. The boy's eyes settled on a seal at the centre of the staff's length, bisected by a ring around the weapon's circumference. He gave a foxy grin, and pumped chakra into that seal... and grinned as the staff split in half at the ring. "Oi! So that's the waru in the name-- it's a dividing staff!"

Anko nodded. "Now, you're holding pea yantok-- or tsuin keibou as we often called them here in Hi."

"Twin batons," Naruto repeated, waving them around. The boy blinked, and began moving again. Gai chuckled as he recognized Rasenken's second kata-- Eight Seals, Eight Trigrams: First Trigram. The wonder in the boy's eyes was clear. When he finished the eighth move for the third time-- One day, Kushina-nee-sama, Gai vowed to himself, He'll know all 64 moves.--- Naruto met Gai's eyes with wonder, and Gai nodded.

"All Rasenken kata are made to be used armed or unarmed. Some sensei will even teach the armed style first-- or as we will be doing, side by side."

"Put it back together the same way you took it apart," Anko said, and smiled as he did so. "Good. Now, remember to run your chakra through it daily for at least a week to bind it to your chakra signature." Anko tilted her head. "Ever make a container seal?" she asked and Naruto nodded.

"Iruka sensei said I was really good at it!"

"Can you... imagine one in your head, and focus on your bouwaru?"

Naruto closed his eyes, and started to nod-- then opened his eyes in time to see the last of the smoke. "What--?"

"Look at your right forearm," Anko said, grinning

Naruto rolled up his sleeve and grinned. "Oi! Self sealing weapon!" he said, showing off the small fuuinjutsu array that read *Staff Holder!* along with the mojikara that made the seal. The label faded away after a moment, and then the seal faded until it was a barely there marking. "Awesome."

Anko unrolled the scroll the rest of the way. "Now, the bouwaru is made as a multi-purpose tool. Rowing staff, planting tool, war staff. Uzu was big on that. This next item... same thing. This was in Uzu no Kuni what a tanto is here."

Naruto unsealed it, and smiled. "I got..." he said, lifting the item up, "a knife."

"No," Anko said firmly, frowning. "You have a kukri."

Naruto blinked.

The curved blade was about three of Naruto's hands long. The cutting edge, on the inside of the curve, was obviously made for chopping. The hourglass shaped handle fit nicely in his grip, and the small loop at the end was barely notable.

"It's... not that heavy," Naruto noted. "I mean, the blade's got some oomph behind it, but..."

"See the groove in the side?" Anko said. At her student's nod, she smiled. "Fullers. One on each side."

"Oh!" Naruto said, nodding. "Keiko told me about those. You shape it with hollow spots in it that let you use less material but keep the strength. What's with the notch at the blade base?"

"Makes fluid drop off the blade rather than running onto the handle," Anko said. "The handle's hardwood and it's got a rat-tail tang, understand?"

"So-- the end of the blade narrows as it enters the handle?" Naruto asked.

"Doesn't that make the connection between handle and blade weaker?" Sakura wondered.

"Poor craftsmanship does that," Tenten corrected. "Is that a seal on the handle?"

Anko grinned. "Yep. Sealed in the handle is a set of karda. It's an accessory knife that is for work that requires more fine control, like whittling and skinning. They were also used as throwing blades by some. You know, things that the kukri isn't really suited for. You'll also find a chakmak."

"Chakmak?" Naruto wondered.

"It's often called a knife," Tenten mused. "But it's more a sort of honing tool."

"Oh, so like, to deal with burrs, even out the edge, that sort of thing," Sakura noted.

Anko gave a hum of agreement. "It extends the life of the blade by making it so you don't have to sharpen the blade too often. If it's actually dulled to the point of not having a working edge, you need to use a whetstone and sharpen the blade. Which yes, Tenten, we'll let you show them the proper use of."

"Yay~!" Tenten said clapping her hands.

"It's basic clan gear," Anko continued.

"You said it wasn't just a knife," Naruto reminded her.

"It isn't. The kukri is a multipurpose tool. Farmers and nin both considered it their go-to for so many things. The heft is such you can use the flat as a hammer. It can clear a path or chop firewood. Dig a trench with it. Skin an animal. Open a tin. Slaughter our enemies." Each item was added in the same matter-of-fact tone-- as fitted the Youthful work of nin.

"Its size and shape make it equally suitable for slitting throats and full decapitation," Tenten noted. Her face scrunched up. "Don't recommend using poisons on it."

Naruto snorted. "Be hard enough to sanitize it after a kill so I can open my rations."

"Aw," Anko pouted. "Now who will I teach that to?" Her gaze fell on Sakura. A speculative gleam developed in her eyes. "Sakura... how's your thrown weapons skills? Blade handling?"

Sakura looked vaguely worried. "Uh... just Academy passing, Sensei."

"Excellent. I can teach you the right way," Anko said in a smoky tone that made Gai's blood boil.

Sakura blinked. "I've seen what your family does with poisons, and I am in awestruck wonder and fear of doing the same."

"Good girl."

Gai rose. "Anko-koi! Please give our genin a primer on how to care for these vital tools of an Awesome Ninja! I must attend to a Youthful matter briefly before we work on using these vital things! Genin! Attend Anko-chan!"

He got several "Yes, Gai-sensei"'s of various degrees of Youth as he left.

Once he was a good distance into the tree line, his smile fell. A bite of his thumb, a flash of handsigns, and a slam of his hand lead to a teeth clenched call of, "Mikee."

The summoned turtle picked up on Gai's mood. "Gai-sempai."

"I have vital messages for the Hokage, Kakashi, my cousin's mother, the Haruno family, and the Hyuuga Clan Head."

##

###  **0915 h.**

"Hiashi provided me with a list," Homura said, looking at the scroll in his hand with some distaste. "Of 23 attempts this year to purchase the Uchiha lands, Gatou's name would seem to be attached to a little over half of them. He's also made efforts via other agents for other properties in town, but thus far has only managed rental of some warehouse space. Several of the targeted land owners report a bad feeling or upsetting facts when the offers were made. There was even a stumbling attempt at Kogami-sama's property, which was soundly and politely rebuffed."

"Hence, the lack of reported beatings of uncouth civilians by yakuza. Heh."

"What?"

"I just realized this Gatou's name sounds like the Keltic word for cake and we call Kogami--"

"Cake-oyabun," Homura noted with a smirk. "And are we plotting just desserts?"  
  


The Hokage grew thoughtful. "Chiaki."

The Hokage's adjutant stepped forward. "Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Have Hinako issue a mission order for Team Yamada. They're going to Nami. I want them here for briefing within the hour."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Also, issue orders to Taka Eiji. I want all the business filings that might be related to this Gatou pulled and examined. I want to find out exactly how little I ever want to hear this man's name again."

##

###  **0937 h.**

"The... Demon..."

Shin (officially of no last name, but the Shimura weren't blinking when he turned up at reunions) sighed. "I see I must explain again."

He smacked his guest, hard enough that even weighed down the chair the man sat on shook.

"I. Never. Want. To Hear. You. Address. Naruto. That. Way. Again."

Each word was accompanied by another smack.

They were in a nice private room off the map. You know, one of those places you could disappear a man in, like a hidden village practically had to have.

"I'm a nin!" Ken protested. "I'm-- you shouldn't be-- You can't--"

"Let me explain something to you, Gourudoko Ken. I am here because your dear aunt Michiko is at her wits end. I am here because you are making my sensei sigh everytime he sees your name on a piece of paper. I am here because my dear friend Chiaki is keeping a running total of the number of times you fruitlessly annoy our Kage. And you do it often enough that he can call that number to mind near instantly. I am here because most of us think that your head is too thick for Ibiki's methods."

Ken blinked. "Why go out of your way for the Demon...?"

Shin frowned, and pulled a sap from his sleeve. "That young nin you so casually call demon makes my sensei laugh. If you knew how rare that was..."

Ken swallowed. "I... I do! I mean, I've heard rumours-- I haven't been--"

"I have helped stop two attempts from within Konoha to kill that boy that makes Yami-sama laugh. When the Hokage... 'hinted' he was worried I'd confront you about this, that meant one thing."

Ken gritted his teeth. "Oh?"

Shin pulled out his black mask, and heard the man gasp. "You've become entangled in the Roots," Raccoon said. "You are in deep. I am your interrogator, shinobi court, punitive officer, and court of appeals. And the appeal window is closed."

Ken's pink eyes went wide, even as his pupils dilated. "I-- no. No! Ne isn't real! It's a boogey man! Sarutobi-sama would never allow--"

"Hokage-sama has many weapons at his disposal," Raccoon cooed. "The gleaming katana of the Jounin corps, the subtle knife of the ANBU, the subduing Jitte of the KeiBu. I am part of the suntetsu he keeps hidden in his back pocket." The Ne snorted. "To fit the metaphor, I rather _have_ to be a boogey man. And Ken-kun..."

Raccoon leaned in, the black raised nose of his mask by Ken's ear. "The boogey man just got his hands on you. And your arse is mine until I’m satisfied that your repeated errors regarding Naruto stop.

"I'm going to start with your soft tissue.” Racoon briefly hummed to himself, as if in thought. "Muscles first, I think. You may be familiar with this technique: Stretch and Bruise."

The errant Gourudoko whimpered.

**##**

###  **0946 h.**

"... so... no. No I don't like how we're treating Naruto. But... Uzumaki stick together. So do Inuzuka. So..."

Yuugao sighed as she stroked her cousin's Great Fioren dog. They stood, watching the puppies play in the Inuzuka kennels. Oddly enough on the Inuzuka compound where there was always someone around, Yuugao knew she and her cousin had almost as much privacy as the special conference rooms in the Hokage's tower. Inuzuka, master trackers though they were, respected privacy. It came with respecting territory. "Kebukai... you're not the only one."

"I thought so," the dog rasped. Baraki had started talking exceptionally young, though he still had the odd habit of making words start with a rasping r, especially when they started with a vowel.

"Yeah, but we're the minority," her shaggy haired cousin said.

"I'm not so sure, Bukai-kun," Yuugao countered.

"... what do you mean?" Kebukai's eyes narrowed. Normally, both nin and ninken were easy going, lovers of big meals, military police whose fellow KeiBu found alternately exasperatingly lazy and shockingly brilliant, and experts in odd manifestations of chakra. But Baraki was sitting up, gazing at her intently to match his partner.

"Everyone in the clan I've talked to admits private disgust at how Naruto is treated-- even our younger members who have no idea of the full nature of his situation."

"And even if they've figured out what he is... we're Uzumaki," Kebukai mused.

Yuugao nodded. Then she smirked. "I was talking to Umino-sensei at the Academy. Remember the explosive seal incident?"

Kebukai winced. "How could I forget? That crater-- well, he has his mother's reserves. Overloading a seal like that, you'd expect less?"

"Actually, I'd expect more," Yuugao said, a smirk playing on her lips.

Kebukai frowned.

"Think about it," she suggested.

Baraki suddenly laughed, a barely suppressed snicker.

"What?" his partner prompted.

"Yuugao..." the dog rasped, "it was a bog standard explosive tag, correct?"

"Out of Akimichi Chouza's own stock. He was a bit upset at Chouji for stealing it..."

Baraki turned to his partner. "Remember what the explosion looked like?"

"How could I forget? That column attracted half the--" Kebukai stopped short. "Ai-ya~" he exclaimed in realization as his partner snickered again.

"If he'd just overpowered the seal," the dog said, turning to Yuugao, " _all_ the effects of the explosion should have been altered. Including the radius. In fact, if I remember right... you were first on scene, Yuugao."

"I was on ramen watch," Yuugao acknowledged. "The first few KeiBu on sight thought I had gotten a barrier up. The blast stopped well short of hurting any of their classmates."

"He... altered the seal?" Kebukai wondered.

"He didn't change the mojikara matrix, going by their testimony," Yuugao said, now smiling.

Slowly, Kebukai grinned. "He... he _shaped_ it. Like a true Uzumaki."

Yuugao nodded. She grew somber. "Look. I'm arranging a meeting of our fellow 'doubters'. Most assume that it'll be small. I'm betting it will be most of the voting members of the clan. I'm telling you because you, Hina and I are the most senior members of the clan right now."

"Tani-san won't like it," Baraki said with a huff.

"Why would Chiaki-kun object?" Yuugao said blithely.

Kebukai winced. "I may not like what he's doing, but Tani Sarubo is the jijuu Kushina and Minato chose--"

"And neither of them would be pleased at how Sarubo-san is handling their son," Baraki said firmly. "Yuugao, we will be there."

Kebukai nodded slowly. "Yes. We'll be there."

With that, the Uzumaki born among Inuzuka and ninken bowed (well, in as much as a dog bowed) and went about their duties. That said duty involved playing with a bunch of puppies was undoubtedly a hardship.

"Ocelot," Yuugao murmured. "It can't be comfortable on top of that cage."

"I take it I was supposed to hear that," her fellow ANBU said, not moving from his concealed position.

"I did come here to limit my audience," Yuugao said wrily.

"I would think so," Ocelot said drily. "Well, two cats in the kennel. This cat is curious, Sempai. Might the Hokage not hear of this... dissension in the Uzumaki?"

"People do talk, my dear boy."


	4. 4

###  **1000 h. The Edge of Anko-sensei's Super Awesome Rock Free Training Ground.**

The motions were near exactly the same.

Naruto had to smile. Rasenken made sense to him in a way a lot of fighting styles didn't. Weapons had always felt tacked on in the Academy, an after thought. But in even this first kata, _Sixteen Attackers, Four Winds,_ the form was almost exactly the same with his batons or kukri in hand. Right now, with his curved blade in hand, he did battle with imagined foes.

He performed the last spin to face the original "attacker" that started the set, and nodded-- then frowned as he noticed his audience.

She was a Nara. Come to it, if she wasn't older he'd almost think Shikamaru had been hiding a twin sister.

"Hello," she said. "Are you that 'troublesome orphan' Shika-kun occasionally went on about?"

Naruto scowled. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Shika's a lazy arse bastard! I mean, Nara are laid back, not in comas!"

She actually smiled. "Glad to see someone outside the clan noticed the difference. And I'm Nara Kuraiko. Are you... really an Uzumaki?"

His scowl deepened.

"Oh, stop pouting," the woman chided lightly. "The stereotype of an Uzumaki is red hair."

"Yeah, like there are no Nara with blue highlights," Naruto groused. "Anyway, Jii-jii told me I'm an Uzumaki! Why would he lie?" He brightened considerably. "My clan once had its own village!"

She smiled back. "So I've heard. Something else I've heard... the Uzumaki version of a kyoketsu-shoge used a kukri linked by chain to a metal ring."

"Eh?" Naruto said, conveying the depth to which he was following her.

"The loop on the base of your kukri's hilt seems to suggest it was used for such a purpose."

Naruto blinked at the loop. It kind of stuck out like a sore thumb now that his attention had been drawn to it. "Oh..."

"Your kata was quite smooth," Kuraiko said. "I've seen a few Rasenken practitioners in my time. You must have been practicing a while."

"Oh, a bit," Naruto said, smirking as a clone in the forest popped after performing the First Array perfectly twice.

Kakashi-nii's gift was paying off.

##

###  **1105 h. Hokage's Meeting Room.**

"The payoff," Tenzou said, his Ocelot mask pushed up to reveal his face as he reported to the Hokage, "is that the Uzumaki may not be as... satisfied with the jijuu's actions as was thought."

The Hokage drew deeply on his pipe. "Then there is some hope in that respect."

"... Tani-san's actions puzzle and anger me. No offense intended, Chiaki-kun."

The Hokage's adjutant raised an eyebrow. "I am not offended by you. Rather, I share your offense at my cousin's actions."

"Indeed," Sarutobi said sadly. "It pains me to see Sarubo act as he is. Minato and he were like brothers in life. That is why Minato and Kushina entrusted Sarubo with their money. But the Uzumaki give him the latitude of a sesshou in charge of Naruto's life."

"And the other member of Jiraiya's Defiant Three?" Tenzou wondered. "Has she disappointed her friends as well?

"No," Sarutobi said, a small smile on his face. "Like many, Ai-chan quietly supports her friend's son her own way..."

##

###  **1200 h. LUNCH! at Team Anko's Townhouse.**

Naruto blinked at the picnic bento set their visitor was carrying, and Sakura blinked as he teared up.

"Ai-san," he murmured, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "You should be a mother."

The woman had a purple tint to her hair, and was dressed in a rather classic house kimono. Looking at her, Sakura would assume she was already a wife and mother. She had the sort of curves that somehow made men think, "I'd like to tap that," and gave any child the desire to cuddle up on her lap.

The woman set down her burden with a smirk. "Fate has dealt me a different hand, Naruto," she said, patting his head twice. Scratch that, Sakura rapidly reframed the woman before her as an aunt doting over a beloved nephew.

The woman tsked as she fingered a tear in Naruto's jacket. "I see the Maito-Mitarashi training regime is going to be rather strenuous on your clothing as well as you."

Something her sensei said this morning bubbled to the top of Sakura's head.

Well, actually, she heard Office Lady Sakura clear her throat and had a brief image of the persona offering her a note, but she was questioning her sanity a bit too much for lunch hour.

But the reminder had her blinking. "This is Kimura Ai, Naruto?"

"Oh, sorry, yeah, Ai-san, this is Sakura, Tenten, LEE-SEMPAI!"

"NARUTO-KOHAI!"

"... and Neji-dick."

The Hyuuga scoffed.

"Sensei, you know Ai-san?" Naruto asked.

"Rather well," Anko said, as the two hugged. Gai bowed, then blushed as the older woman scoffed and hugged him as well.

"So formal, Gai-kun," she chided.

"This is Ai-san," Naruto said to the others. "She does my laundry and occasionally forces vegetables down my throat-- Sakura, why is Tenten looking at me as if I'm insane?"

"It's either that you're casually calling The Toughest Love Ai-san or the fact that the Yondaime's teammate is doing your laundry," Sakura observed calmly.

"Oh."

"You do not seem as... vexed, Haruno-chan," Ai said, smiling at her.

"He calls the Hokage Jii-jii, Anko-sensei's grandma Squinty-chan, and pranks the village to a level ANBU chase him. I'm... developing some proper stoicism to the Naruto Effect."

"The sanest choice," Ai agreed.

"You took on the current Ei in single combat," Tenten finally managed.

"Nice enough gentleman, but facing him on the battlefield was rather vexing. Not as boisterous as some suggest, but that may just be in comparison to his brother Bee," Ai said, pulling the first bento. "Now, Haruno-chan, I am not that good at foreign foods, so I expect you to have plenty of these salt and pepper chops--"

"You fought the Moyagakure Terror squads with the Wolf of Kusa," Tenten said.

"They were barely squads and hardly terrifying, and Kouga-san is a puppy more than a wolf," Ai said. "Naruto, I want to see plenty of the Vegetable Ding going into your big yap."

"Oi!"

"You're the Harshest Love!" Tenten exclaimed. "You fought alongside the Yellow Flash and the Endless Assault!"

"And now, I help look after orphans in the Nin program," Ai said patiently. "And I detest fangirls. Are you becoming a fangirl, Emiya-chan?"

Tenten's mouth snapped shut, and she blushed. "Sorry," she managed.

The woman sighed. "Look, I understand... I went a little... gaga when I met Tsunade the first time. But you have to understand-- regardless of what the history books say... to me, those are each filed as just another mission. I look up at Minato's face on the Monument, and I don't think, 'Yondaime'. I think about the time he spent a lesson at the Academy using Kushina's hair as a calligraphy brush, and she didn't notice until the end. I remember her dangling him off the mountain his stupid face is now on. I remember my friends, not gods." She shrugged. "By the way, I must insist if you source out your laundry, Haruno-chan, you come to me."

"I will," Sakura agreed simply. "Oh, by-the-by, Kimura-san. I should be fine... as long as you followed... this."

Anko blinked at the book on the table. "Oh. That's Tsunade-sama's book."

"Naruto lent me his copy. I've been skimming it in between your sadistic tortures--"

Anko bopped her on the head.

"-- wonderful training exercises, sensei. I appreciate your efforts to get me to gain some healthy weight, but that foreign food was making me ill. I'd like to try some of it, but forcing so much on me at once... no. In here, I can find foods I like, foods that won't cause as much stomach trouble, and no one has to go out of their way to produce something outside the others' menus. It even suggests snacks to follow certain meals. It seems the only downside is Gai-sensei can't sneak samples of foreign food he likes from me any more."

Everyone turned to the blushing Maito Gai. "How... Youthful of you to notice, Sakura-chan."

Sakura met her sensei's gaze and raised one eyebrow.

Anko slowly smiled. "You're taking this seriously. Good."

"And I take coffee with cream anyway and a dash of salt."

"Really? Huh. Thought only old nin knew that trick."

##

###  **1215 h. The Jounin Standby Station...**

...is a building located in Konohagakure beside the Ninja Academy where the heart of the village's power, the jounin, stay when waiting for the Hokage's orders or emergencies, as well as when they are off duty.

It is a den of gossip, to put the Hidaimyo's second wife's afternoon get togethers to shame.

"So, Anko has a genin team," Kurama Murakumo mused, shaking his head. The head of a clan of Genjutsu users so adept even the Uchiha had respected their skill, Murakumo's long black hair was gathered to fall behind his ears and down his back. His well kept black moustache was divided in half under his nose, and his light brown eyes gave an air of thoughtfulness.

"And a promotion to full jounin, go figure," Kanden Tekuno said, offering the Kurama head a bottle of beer (locally brewed Pinecone Beer, the jounin's drink of choice). The robust man ran a hand through shaggy brown hair. While Murakumo wore the simple kimono favoured by his clan, Tekuno had just cleared a mission and still wore his standard issue Konoha uniform with fingerless gloves. He'd not even been home yet; Murakumo noted as he took the offered drink that Tekuno still wore the utility sash with several scroll loops-- some empty, some full.

Mokume Kunugi snorted. The contemporary of Tsunade shook his finger at them. "Boys, boys, boys. That is what is generally known, let us not pointlessly rehash it."

Murakumo smirked at the old jounin. "I suppose we are avoiding what we actually want to talk about," the Kurama said, and took a pull of beer.

Kunugi nodded. While he now wore a simple white t-shirt and jeans, he still wore his village's symbol on a bandana that covered all but the shoulder length bangs that framed his face. And the bangs were almost totally grey these days. "Anko's promotion is well earned. She's always been good with the young ones. The point, my friends: Why this team?"

"Uroko was thinking it was maybe to give the Uchiha a sensei that won't slavishly give him what he wants..." Murakumo, his expression showing how little he agreed with his wife's idea.

Kunugi frowned. "Makes it sound like the boy tramples around town demanding tribute and discounts--although I'd almost prefer that to the isolation he tends to slip into." The old nin shook his head.

"Hiashi does try to get him to go out," a new voice said.

Hyuuga Hina waved off Tekuno's attempt to bow. The widow of Hizashi settled on the couch beside Kunugi, who passed her a bottle of the cherry flavoured fizzy drink she favoured.

"Assume we're talking about Team Anko?" Hina prompted, wincing and moving her long auburn hair out from under her.

Kunugi hummed. "Say, I heard some think Kakashi was a shoe-in to train the Uchiha's team, but he pissed off the old man and got assigned to the Academy as punishment."

Tekuno sighed. "Nah, I heard that Kakashi is losing his edge and the Hokage moved him to the Academy to keep him useful."

"Ah! This I can help you with. From his wife's lips to your ears via dear little Hina," Hina said, smiling.

###    
  


"Oh?" Tekuno prompted.

"House cleaning," Hina said seriously. "And Chiaki-- the Tani boy, Kunugi," Kunugi nodded in recognition, "he told me Sarutobi-hokage is keeping Tsume close to home on stand by for some in town hunting, just in case."

"Well, that may actually explain Anko being a sensei," Murakumo said. "If the Hokage suspects shoddy work at the Academy, he may want Anko among the students on the ground to give him a clear picture on where we are."

"But why that team?" Tekuno wondered.

Hina chuckled. "Maybe the Hokage has her training up our next Sannin. Or better than~"

"That team?" Murakumo scoffed. "The Uchiha, I might buy. But the other two?"

"You never chased Naruto around town," Tekuno grumbled.

"Yes, I have and it's not his skill I doubt. It's his attitude," Murakumo countered.

Kunugi frowned. "Much as I hate to suggest it... maybe Anko is as much a leash and kill switch as teacher."

"... the Uchiha has made no secret he wants Itachi dead," Tekuno admitted.

"The village as a whole tends to start out with ignoring Naruto," Hina admitted sadly. "And the Haruno girl-- daughter of two of our greatest merchants. Crush on the Uchiha..."

Murakumo scowled. "Or maybe she's there as protection. Who better than the Elegant End to make sure some of our most important graduates get to live long enough to actually show their potential."

"Makes sense, from what I hear about the Haruno girl she's got the brains but not the skills yet... likely due to whatever mess that Hatake is cleaning up at the Academy. Sasuke needs the protecting. And Naruto... well, the Fox..." Tekuno noted.

"Among other reasons," Hina muttered.

"Other reasons?" Tekuno wondered.

"Never mind," Hina said, waving it off.

"What, is he the Fourth's long lost cousin or something?"

Tekuno blinked as everyone went silent.

"What? What'd I say...?"

"Kanden-san."

Tekuno snapped to attention. "Hanchou!"

Nara Shikaku made a come with me gesture with his hand. "You've got a briefing."

"Er, yes Nara-sama!" Tekuno said, hurriedly following the Jounin Commander.

The others sighed.

"And another man stumbles on the real big secret about Naruto," Murakumo sighed.

"Hope his poor mind survives," Kunugi said, and he and Murakumo clinked their bottles together on it.

##

**1232 h. The Street of Konoha... is a REALLY bad drama on TV-Hihon. Here, let's watch some REAL nin.**

"Is this 'special training' in the order of picking rocks? Because, Nee-sensei, we are at peace with Iwa at the moment. Giving us a pathological hatred of stones isn't really wise."

"Fufufufu." Anko grinned at Naruto. "I promise on Gai-kun's incredibly sculpted abs that this next task has actual use in active duty, and in a concrete sense."

Naruto considered her thoughtfully. "Now... do I trust you worship Gai-sensei's sculpted body enough to believe that promise...?"

Sakura only heard this remotely. She was busy observing Konoha. Or rather, watching Konoha watch Naruto.

Once Harumi of Team Yamada pointed it out to her, she wondered how she missed it. Most people flat out _ignored_ Naruto, to the point where the few nods he got were shocking.

 _He's not there unless he forces the issue, to most people,_ Sakura noted.

 _Cha! Maybe I should go around and express how this makes me feel!_ her more rough and ready self asserted.

 _Let's not be rash-- what are you doing?_ her outermost self said (face Sakura? not a mask...) as she got a clear image of her office lady persona scribbling a list.

_Making note of the stores I will never. Shop. At. Again._

_... see, that's acceptable,_ Sakura explained to her more violent aspect.

 _And those that I need to punch the stupid out of when I can get away with it,_ the OL added, her scribbling getting more intense.

_Yes, see very rational-- HEY!_

_CHA!_ Violent Sakura cheered.

 _Look,_ Sakura reasoned with herself-- and Kami, how often did she have to do that? _We'll be better off focusing on Naruto._ _Yes, he can be annoying... but maybe with just a little more attention, he wouldn't need to push it so much._

 _I object!_ a high pitched voice cut in.

Sakura looked down. _You'd better be my slowly dying sense of self justification and fangirlishness, because that's the only way this active mental landscape growing any further will be worth it._

"Sakura?"

Sakura blinked. "Sorry, sensei, what?"

"I asked if you know what the Training Ground designation Ni-To means?"

"Oh, yes, it's short for False City."

##

###  **1245 h. Training Ground Ni-To 3.**

"So, why are we in this Urban Simulation grounds, Sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Demolitions."

Sakura looked at Naruto. "Did Sensei say...?"

"Yes, Sakura. She said Demolitions," Naruto said.

This time they both glomped their sensei.

"We really get to blow things up, Sensei?" Sakura said, half pleading.

Anko smiled in an almost maternal fashion and patted Sakura's head. "Sakura, by the end of this exercise, you'll know the best way to blow things up in dozens of situations."

Sakura smiled, tears in her eyes, "Sensei, I know I'm going to start again later... but just for a bit, I'm going to stop hating you."

Anko smirked. "You'll also know how to get out of those situations."

"COOL! Oi, Nee-sensei, how are we gonna do that?"

"Well, I'm a big believer in learning by doing."

BOOM!

The two genin blinked.

"Oops, that was supposed to be six blocks away, not three. I really should have a word with Mole about that..."

BOOM!

"... moving. Might be a good idea, Minions."

"And the hate is back," Sakura noted dryly.

"Cut the snark and **haul ass!** " Naruto said, turning and yanking at Sakura's arm.

"Hm. Maybe I should have taught them Shunshin _before_ the exercise," Anko mused. "Oh, well."

And she flickered away.

##

###  **1248 h. Wouldn't you like to know?**

Danzou looked up as one of his many listening seals he most certainly did not have receivers for in his non-existent office flashed.

"Training ground Six Ni-To," he mused, tapping the arm that was most certainly lame and not a super computational array the Yondaime had helped him refine.

"SO! HATING! YOU! SENSEI!"

"THIS" **BOOM** "IS REALLY" **BOOM** "PUSHING" **BOOM** "THE WHOLE NARU" **BOOM** "TO HEALS" **BOOM** "THING, ANKO" **_BOOM_** "NEE!"

Danzou smiled ever so slightly. "She's using sensei's bomb run trick. Good for her."

He turned back to his papers, the background soundtrack of miserable suffering genin making the task more bearable.

##

###  **1345 h. Back on the Streets.**

"Okay, letting us set several off did... almost make up for the insane gauntlet of explosions," Naruto admitted as they left the now rubble strewn training ground.

Sakura was once again noticing Konoha noticing Naruto.

When gazes weren't averted... Yes. Yes there were a few that looked at him with unbridled hatred. Those, she started a new mental list for and smiled as OL Sakura chose red ink for it.

But... there were some.

Annoyance came and went in a flash on many faces. Pity was actually rather rare, which she was happy to see. Naruto seemed to be the type to take offense at pity.

But there were some-- the ones whose gaze fell on her teammate and showed this sudden, deep sadness. And maybe a little guilt. _Oh Naruto,_ those eyes seemed to scream. _What have we done to you?_

And those were the people that would bow or wave the most sincerely to the blond. And he would wave or bow or shout back.

And then he'd give them this... smile. This smile that said he'd give you the world if you just smiled back. That only grew wider when someone did. That all the trouble that comes with just living... you'd get through it. And he'd help.

"Why you looking at me so funny, Sakura?"

Sakura blinked. "Trying to remember your stupid face so I don't lose you in a crowd."

"Hey! I wear orange to counter my stupid face!"

Sakura smiled and pointed at him in the manner the people in Kells' southern regions called 'j'accuse'. "Hah! I know your secret, that's great urban camouflage!"

"Trust you to see what the younger ANBU never did, Sakura," Naruto grumbled.

"Not that knowing helped," Anko grumbled back.

##

###  **1405 h. Hokage's Audience Room. Also his Chillout Zone.**

Sarutobi Hiruzen knew he wasn't going to like what his village's Head of the Jouhou was going to report when the man did not, as was polite, comment on his just finished landscape. Eiji merely dropped a stack of papers on the Hokage's dias.

Sarutobi met Taka Eiji's eyes and decided to let it pass.

"The Jouhou has something to report on the Gatou issue, then?" he prompted, lowering his brush from its final few strokes.

The head of his intelligence branch nodded. "Keiji-san sent me his pre-infiltration report. That's on top. The gist of it is... Gatou has Nami in a chokehold. He's practically acting as a despotic de facto Daimyo. He's turned what used to be the small but vital remains of Uzu into a land of paupers."

"And now, he's trying to make inroads into Hi and Konoha. He's getting a little too full of himself--"

"The Nami situation gets worse, sir," Eiji pressed. "I gave the financial records to Mitarashi Uirou and Matsumoto Rei, and they did their thing. By filtering through banking and business records and compiling the data, they found that Gatou is getting regular money from inside Konoha."

Hiruzen felt his blood go cold. "Who?"

Eiji-- known to some as the Laughing Phoenix-- looked so frightfully serious Hiruzen felt ill. "By way of the Uzumaki heir's jijuu, Tani Sarubo. He's tapping the Uzumaki Clan funds."

Even as his brush snapped in his hands, the Hokage's heard his loyal assistant Tani Chiaki suck his teeth.

"Yami..." Hiruzen said, not even hiding which plant he turned to address.

"I believe the Haruno clan are interested in some fine Nami brisling, Hokage-sama," came the reply via the hidden speaker most people who were around long enough knew about.

"I've heard. I'll be assigning Team 5 as their guard detail. And Team Yamada will be in the area. Just a heads up."

"Team Never There, Team Con, and my Moth and Hyena? For an information gathering mission?"

"Danzou. A _Tani_ is using _Uzumaki_ money to _hurt_ what used to be part of _Uzu_. When Gatou accidentally falls _up_ a flight of stairs, I want it to be _perfectly clear_ to all of the Hidden Nations why Konoha was _absolutely_ _uninvolved_."


	5. 5

###  **1412 h. Bazaar Square, corner of Juniper and Walnut.**

It sometimes stunned Sasuke how easy it was to fade into the background. Even him. Well known. Konoha's favoured son.

A title worth nothing outside of civilian tea parties, but still notable for it.

And he was totally unnoticed, just another boy eating a meat bun. The lack of the Uchiha crest on his jacket may have helped, but he'd be the first to admit his hair was... rather distinctive.

Still, not a single look or cry of recognition.

He loved moments like this. He could pretend he was a KeiBu, like he always wanted to be as a child. A cop on stake out.

It was amazing what you could hear in a public place when no one thought you were listening.

For example, Hayashi Takako. One of his 'fangirls'. She was shopping with her mother.

"But, Taka-chan-- if your team failed the genin exam, how did you get that interview with the nice man from the Intelligence division...?"

"Because I caught their eye, like Mitarashi Anko or Morino Ibiki did. I made sure certain skills that are good in that area turned up on my tests, while hiding the fact I noticed they were testing me. Sad how that's easier for a busty girl to do..."

"But... what about your plan to marry the Uchiha boy...?"

"Kaa-san, please. The poor young man wants to make sure Itachi isn't hanging over us all before he even lets himself be interested in that. His fangirls were just a convenient clique to..."

"Umeko!" As Takako (who had made his tolerable list with her understanding) and her mother walked away, another pair closed in. "Don't you understand, by failing that second test, you'll never impress the Uchiha now!"

Sasuke frowned. Takeda Umeko was counted among one of the minority of girls in his class who did not coo over him.

"Okaa-san, shut up. I failed on purpose because I was assigned two twits and I want you to shut up about Uchiha-kun. If I was going to marry anybody in my class, it'd be Ino-chan."

"... what...?"

"I don't see how they could let the boy pass," one of two chuunin that stopped slightly to his left said.

"Nothing but a troublemaker, that one, and most of us know why. He should have been taken care of years ago--"

"Uzumaki Naruto has a name."

The purple haired woman seemed to appear from nowhere. From her attitude and bearing, Sasuke rated her at least a tokujou, and she seemed familiar.

"Uzuki-sempai!" one of the idiots said.

"And if you wouldn't say it to Naruto or the Hokage's face, don't say it."

"Er... yes, sempai."

Hearing his clan name, Sasuke turned just enough to not draw attention to the motion, and tuned in the new conversation.

"... shouldn't bad mouth the Uchiha!"

"Look, all I'm saying is that I'm glad that Sasuke isn't on Naruto's team, because we all know what an Uchiha did the last time they got their hands on an Uzumaki in that position--"

"And what I am saying, you idiot, is even if it was an Uchiha that did that to the Yondaime's wife, I am not going to paint the entire clan with the same ink--"

The two men were interrupted as they dodged a man being thrown in the general direction of the Bazaar's gate.

"You get out of here, arse!" the stout Saki man doing the tossing said. "I'll not have anyone bad mouth Mitarashi Anko near my stall, and you'll find few that'll endorse your views here."

The man-- a chuunin by his dress-- started to rise, but winced as a foot came down on his hand. He looked up to see a woman holding a toddler in one arm and a kunai in the other.

"I'm off duty, can someone make sure this idiot makes it to the exit?" she asked.

"Oh, let me Tsubame-chan," an older man with greying dark hair and an easy (if at the moment rather evil) smile said. "I need some stress relief anyways, and I'm sure your friends at the station will be happy to have a word with him."

"Thank you, Taka-sama," the woman said, holstering her kunai.

Sasuke, his meat bun finished, rose. As he passed by the woman, he said just loud enough, "Keep giving it to the bastards in the neck."

Her head slowly turned to face him, and he just caught a smirk and a nod.

The KeiBu always did pay just enough attention to their dead chief's son.

Even as he headed deeper into the Bazaar to do some shopping, he caught one last rather loud man talking to a man of about 16.

"... future is in chakra paper, son. Nin need it, samurai need it, even the monks use it..."

##

###  **1430 h.** **Mitarashi Clan House** **Team Minion Base of Operations! Believe it!**

Every once in a while since that wonderful terrible night he learned Kage Bunshin, it struck Naruto. As it did now as he sat beneath one of the trees that had somehow appeared in their new home's yard.

(He suspected Ocelot-nii was soaking in one of the town's bathhouses, bemoaning the abuse of his talents.)

He had a being that could level cities trapped in him. He had something on par with the Great Weapons his grappling baa-chan wrote about in her books.

The only thing keeping Konoha safe was thirteen-year-old Uzumaki Naruto.

He was the only thing keeping Konoha standing right now.

_Fuck a Kami. Why the fuck me?_

"You're staring at me funny again," he told Sakura.

"You look like you're going to hurt your brain thinking," she countered.

"Minions!" Anko said, emerging from the house.

Sakura was on her feet in an opening stance in seconds. "No. No! NO! You said quiet study until 1530!"

"I've been called to T&I to beat someone up. You aren't cleared to come yet," Anko said calmly, dodging three kicks and then flicking Sakura's forehead sending her arse over teakettle. "Kageko's notifying the Hokage to send coverage to watch over you while I'm gone. Whoever comes will have a sealed scroll with the Hokage's chop on it set to be open only with your blood-- a drop from each of you, and one from whatever poor soul Sarutobi-sama wants to suffer you today. Anyone else comes, kill 'em. And sadly, you will be at your substitute's mercy. Clear?"

Sakura, still prone, crossed her arms. "Fine, if it's on orders."

Naruto smiled. "Have fun making people wish they lacked nerve endings, Nee-sensei!"

##

**1432 h. Hokage's Private Study**

Hiruzen smirked to himself as he deactivated his viewing jutsu. Anko needed a substitute? He knew just the nin for the task.

There was a knock on the door to his viewing chamber, and then it slid open to reveal the kneeling Chiaki. Hiruzen did not consider the boy impudent-- the door would not have opened had he been engaged. This was one of the most secure rooms in a very defensible area.

"Chiaki-kun," Hiruzen greeted his aide. "I had dismissed you for the day-- and much earlier than we usually manage...?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the young nin agreed, bowing as he slid in. Hiruzen did not miss the fine katana now at his adjutant's side. "If I may... I feel I need to address a few personal matters that may affect my performance."

The Hokage gestured for Chiaki to sit. "Please, speak."

Chiaki sat seiza before the Kage. "I have sent Musukumo with a message for my cousin about our mutual relative's... errors."

"It has been far too long since she's visited," the Hokage said dryly. The man before him ranked as a chuunin-- but duties that came with his lineage made him something more. Duties such that not only would not allowing him his sword be a grave insult not even the Hokage's rank excused, but that Hiruzen would be offended if Chiaki did not come bearing his blade when he spoke of such.

"I... have also contacted Shiba Takura and Karou. But I've... held off telling the others. There has to be a clear threat or Naruto has to ask... and since the Uzumaki are being so tight lipped..."

"The silent majority of the Uzumaki need to act so their Hokage may help them," the Professor reassured his main assistant. "That they have not is rather irritating as well, especially in light of what Yuugao is finding."

"Sarutobi-sama. One of the recent complaints filed over Naruto being promoted not only with no fuss but with a commendation offended you so deeply, you ordered the offender sent to Ibiki with little thought."

"Mm," Hiruzen nodded again, remembering the particular merchant who had lost his stall in Konoha's Bazaar for his insult.

"It... was the mention of your wife, I assume?"

"You are correct," Hiruzen sighed as his mind wandered to the one woman who regardless of age always knew how to strike that chord in him. "Biwako. Reading how casually the claimant tried to use her name to gain my support... you recall, he was also trying to get Uchiha Sasuke fully instated to the team."

"Indeed," Chiaki said, then smiled. "Biwako-o-baa-san's family came from Uzushio, and were allies to the Uchiha."

Hiruzen smiled back. "Yes. Not an Uzumaki, but of the Whirlpool. You were young when she died."

"Old enough to remember how she preferred to be addressed," Chiaki noted in turn.

"Mm," Hiruzen sighed sadly. "She should be here right now, Chiaki. She should be watching Konohamaru and Naruto grow, bugging Kyoko to have more kids, laughing with me as our son and Kurenai dance around each other... correcting me when I need it..."

They were both silent a moment. Chiaki took a breath. "... forgive me, Jii-sama, but while I understand you not blaming Naruto... you seem to not even bear malice to his prisoner..."

"Chiaki, how can I?" Hiruzen said, honest surprise in his voice.

Chiaki's face made clear his confusion.

"I can not curse the fox for this; at least, no more or different then I'd curse a Suna sandstorm or one of the occasional forest fires that hit Hi's trees. The fox is what it is. Kushina once told me that the saddest irony of the Kyuubi is that it only had guaranteed clarity of thought when in a prison. Outside of its jinchuuriki, its own youki and sensitivity to negative thought can easily overwhelm its sense of self to all but the most instinctive of levels."

Chiaki considered this, and his eyes widened at the implication. "You not only never see the Nine-tails when you look at Naruto... you see the only thing making the fox something that just may be be reasoned with."

"You understand well, Tani Chiaki, and are a credit to your family and clan."

Chiaki actually grew a bit bashful. "One tries, Hokage-sama." He licked his lips. "Hokage-sama. Would you object to Hanako replacing me if the need arises?"

Sarutobi sighed. "That would be acceptable. I will miss your help, when you go."

"I have not yet--"

"Chiaki," Sarutobi said firmly. "Being the holder of Hakoroki no Yari, the Spear of Leaf's Heart Wood... well, the Seals of Uzushio have duties to this day. "

##

###  **1455 h. Uchiha Compound**

Sasuke looked down at the paper before him.

A simple registration form. To be filed with the Hokage's office and the Keibatsu. Because weddings between clans had to be filed with the Clan Council.

Under First Spouse's Name: Uchiha Shisui.

Under Second Spouse's Name: Yamanaka Honoka.

Honoka-nee.

How, Sasuke wondered, had he mentally filed his cousin's fiancee among the dead? She hadn't been here that bloody night. He'd seen her around town since then. She and Shisui-nii had--

They'd just been waiting for his father's signature before Shisui had killed himself. He remembered his mother wrapping Honoka in one of those warm and yet somehow dignified-- dignifying hugs after Shisui had killed himself, just as things had gone dark...

Why wasn't the registrar signed by his father? Was Fugaku suspicious of Shi-nii's bride? No. No, despite mutterings outside the clan (talking like they did when the Hatake head cracked before he was born, he'd wager) the KeiBu had investigated fully. His... Itachi had not been a kin killer before That Night, and neither had Honoka-nee.

Was his father otherwise distrustful of Honoka-nee? The Uchiha head had already, in his detached, stoic fashion, began doting on her. That wasn't it.

Had Fugaku known Itachi's betrayal was possible? Was he trying to spare Honoka by not making her an official part of the clan?

Did Honoka try to approach Sasuke After? Had he rejected her, like he had so many others? Had he subconsciously avoided her? Did he simply forget her in his grief? Did he simply forget her, or was he _helped_ to forget and avoid her? Subtle redirections by the Yamanaka? Something _that Man--_ _Itachi_ \-- did to him?

Suddenly, finding Yamanaka-- _Uchiha_ Honoka felt vital, as if the woman were a stronger link than Itachi himself to his dead clan.

##

**1505 h. TEAM MINION'S SUPER YOUTHFUL AWESOME TRAINING GROUNDS PRESENTS: THE AWESOME LET US SHOW YOU IT: The Pottery**

"Scroll or we die trying to kill you," Naruto said brightly, closing his book.

"I note the 'try'," the purple haired woman said dryly.

Naruto gave a little huff. "Evade you, maybe, Nee-san, but you'd wipe the floor with me."

The woman held out a scroll, scoring her own thumb and then placing it on the seal holding the scroll shut even as Sakura used a kunai to prick her thumb and Naruto bit his.

"Don't forget--" Sakura began.

"The sterilizing chakra pulse, yeah yeah," Naruto grumbled. "I got the 'my dog's mouth is cleaner than yours,' bit from Kashi-nii."

Dabbing the seal with their blood made the mojikara shift, and allowed Naruto to open it.

"While Naruto knows me, somewhat," the woman said, wiggling her own thumb, "I am Uzuki Yuugao."

Naruto snorted and passed the scroll to Sakura. "It's a form from Jii-jii's office, but Nee-sensei filled it out."

Sakura looked down at the scroll and had to laugh. "'Reason for Coverage: Had to go show some fools no pity. Orders for Covering Sensei: Have Fun. Orders for Genin: Suffer your substitute's Fun. BTW you're cooking dinner tonight, Gai likes hamburger steak, the subby has your budget, k thx bye! Mitarashi Anko.' The little self portrait is a nice touch." Sakura looked up from the scroll. "So, Uzuki-sensei--"

"Yuugao, please," the woman said, as she patted Naruto's head. "And if Naruto slips and calls me my call sign, you may mock him while eating ramen in front of him."

"You do share a sadistic streak with Nee-sensei, don't you Yuu-nee?" Naruto grumbled.

"Did Anko-sensei tell you that we're supposed to be in quiet study until 1530?" Sakura asked.

"Yes," Yuugao agreed.

"Nice!"

"I told her I'd find that highly boring, and would likely drag you to one of the obstacle courses instead. She said, quote, 'Sure, whatever.'"

Sakura scowled. "Yuugao-sensei, it's a little soon to start making me hate you."

"Anko did give me this to read to you," Yuugao said, pulling out an index card. "Ahem. 'Oh look it's an ANBU team being Awesome.'"

The two genin looked where Anko's stand in pointed and blinked.

Naruto's whisper was of stunned awe: "The Pottery."

Sakura blinked again at the three ANBU standing a few metres away.

She was pretty fucking sure they hadn't been there a moment ago.

The trio bowed, and the one in the Boar mask raised a hand-- perhaps to show it was him speaking. "Personal jutsu. Lucky Cat?"

The one in a feline mask stepped forward even as the boar masked one announced, "Doton: Bunshin."

A form emerged from the ground nearby. It was vaguely humanoid. Obviously, Boar had decided not to waste time on giving it fine details.

'Lucky Cat' made a single ram seal. "Raiton: Shichuu Shibari."

"A good example of one element being made subservient to another," Yuugao lectured as four pillars raised from the ground. "The pillars are a carefully channelled D-Rank Doton jutsu, actually made mostly of conductive ore. Many nin are thrown off their game seeing a Raiton technique use a jutsu from an element weak against it as a supplemental. Watch as the main jutsu, the Raiton: Shibari, a C-Rank, is added."

It was obvious when the Lightning Restraint kicked in-- each pillar sparked off a continuous storm of bolts, targeted on the bunshin at the technique's centre. The clone flinched under the electricity, and as Lucky Cat slowly made a fist it eventually broke apart under the restraints.

Boar did not even declare his next use of Doton: Bunshin-- and summoned what had to be forty of them, easily. "Parrot."

"Attend," the bird masked ANBU said. His hands carefully and expertly went through a set of seals. Tiger. Dog. Dragon. Ram. "Fuuton: Fuumakiri."

It was as if thousands of invisible fuuma shuriken were fired at once, shredding all but three of the earth constructs.

The bird masked nin nodded, then turned to Boar. "I missed three."

Boar grunted. "Naruto has seen the Otoshibuta. So has Yuugao-san."

"But his teammate has not," Lucky Cat noted.

"True," Boar agreed with a chuckle. He made a single snake seal.

"Otoshi...buta?" Sakura wondered "Pig Drop?"

"Mm," Boar agreed. "That's one way of reading it... Doton: Otoshibuta!"

And a giant earthen lid embossed with a boar motif dropped from the sky, trapping the remaining bunshin.

Sakura blinked, then winced. "It's only pronounced buta because it's after..." she grumbled. "It's futa-- Dropping Lid... Boar-sempai, that's terrible."

"I regret nothing," Boar said flatly. "Gentlemen?"

"Let's bake it," Parrot said in seeming agreement. Lucky Cat grunted.

Boar gestured, and his lid collapsed into a sticky mass of mud. Sixteen pillars rose from the ground, lightning striking the three targets below. The air seemed to change, and Sakura found her breath getting raspy. She felt Uzuki pull her back.

"We're too close," Yuugao noted. "Parrot is oxygenating the air around the pillars, and creating a breathable bubble in the middle."

"Oxygen toxicity," Sakura realized.

"Too much oxygen is bad...?" Naruto wondered.

"We're breathing something that's about a quarter oxygen and three quarters nitrogen," Sakura said. "Too much of either of those in the mix is poison."

Naruto took an extra step back.

With a gesture, Boar called more mud down upon the pillars, even as Lucky Cat flashed through Rat, Dragon and Boar.

The two genin candidates stood in awe as the Kiln of Fire's Will fired.

##

###  **1510 h. About a block from the Hokage Tower.**

"Anko. Why is Yuugao interacting with the boy?"

Anko gave Tani Sarubo a blatantly forced grin. The older jounin may have once had a physique like Gai's, but the Endless Assault had clearly allowed himself to 'go to seed' a bit. He still had the Tani's dark hair that contrasted with the near white blond of their Senju cousins-- though it matched the First's dark hair, many members would proudly note.

"I just put in the request for coverage, Sarubo-ji-san. Sarutobi-jii-sama made the assignment. You'll excuse me, I have pressing business at T&I--"

Anko glared at the hand Sarubo placed on her shoulder.

"Before that, perhaps as a favour to dear old Sa-ji, you could file a conflict of interest report to the Hokage? Yuugao interacting with Naruto goes against policy--"

"Tani-san, we've spoken maybe five sentences to each other since Minato-nii died," Anko said, her voice cold.

Sarubo removed his hand, blinking.

"Furthermore, I know damn well as you do that the Hokage is fully aware of your... policies as Naruto's jijuu. If he contradicts those policies, perhaps you need to take up why with him."

"Fangless-nee raises a very good point."

Anko's turn wasn't startled the way Sarubo's was. The old jounin was slipping, she'd known Sai was there almost from the start of their conversation.

The young nin was smiling that creepy kami damn smile of his. Sarubo, realizing that he was on the receiving end, seemed to find great interest in adjusting his shirt collar.

After all, everyone knew the young boy 'wasn't' Danzou's little enforcer, and that Anko was clearly 'not' related to Danzou in any way.

"Finite-o-ji," Sai said sadly... even as he smiled. "Did you forget who Fangless-nee's parents were?"

"Er, no," Sarubo managed. "I certainly do not, Sai-kun."

"Oh. So you are intentionally casting aspirations on several of Konoha's finest clans?"

Sarubo composed himself. "No. Most certainly not, Sai-kun. I was simply... offering advice. With no expectation of it being followed. Anko," he said in passing as he withdrew, walking very fast in the general direction of away.

As the Tani withdrew, Sai's fake smiled dropped. "I don't like that arsehole at all, Anko-nee."

"Something's hinky with what he's doing with the duty Minato-nii and Nee-san entrusted him with, too," Anko mused.

"Oh, our Useless Leader noticed that," Sai said, with a more honest smile. "Why do you think he assigned Yuugao today?"

Anko smirked. "Of course."

"Anyway, you'd better hurry and get your present from Cheery-sempai if you don't want him to give it to someone else," Sai said, his smile now deadly.

"Oh?" Anko wondered.

"Had it shipped in from that boutique on the Volcano for you," Sai said. "It went so well with your student, too."

Anko blinked. "Oh, really?" she said, now sharing his smile. "Well, excuse me, then."

"Have fun," Sai said as she flickered away.

"Damn," a voice behind Sai said. "I wanted a crack at that idiot."

"You were busy, Liar-nii," Sai said sadly.

"Yes. Very productively so."

"Oh! Details."

##

**1525 h.**

This was the old man shoving a big, backhander two finger Keltic archer's salute at Tani Sarubo, and Yuugao was relishing helping to provide it.

Her cousin's smiles, the playful verbal jabs with his teammate, the looks she was getting from clan and friends alike... today was a good day.

"A mission to cook dinner? Into the D-ranks already, Uzumaki-kun?" the shopkeeper asked.

"Training, supposedly. Like clearing rocks we didn't need to from a field. We're cooking for Anko-nee-sensei, us, er, Gai-sensei and his team-- Neji-dick, Tenten-chan, Lee-sempai--"

"You're cooking for Maito Gai AND his student Lee?" the store keep said, blinking.

Sakura nodded. "Yes, sir!"

The man look down at the broccoli, garlic, and carrots he'd already bagged up. "Naruto... has your sensei been watching what you eat?"

"Oh, fuck, yeah. She and everyone else have been shoving veggies down my throat like no tomorrow! Why we got so much, Takeda-san--"

"Naruto. Gai and Lee eat veggies like they do meat."

Naruto and Sakura blinked at the shop keep, then at the selection before them, then back at the shop keep, then at each other.

"OH SWEET SHODAI!" Naruto said, waving his arms wildly. "THIS ISN'T HALF THE VEGETABLES WE'LL NEED!"

Sakura's head fell into her hands as she whimpered. "She under budgeted us, there's no way we can afford anything, we're going to fail and be forced to catch Tora our whole careers--"

"Ahem."

The two turned to Takeda as he gestured over to a display across from his counter. "Do you see those carrots over there?"

Naruto joined him in pointing. "Er, the purple, brown and red ones marked 'heirloom'?"

"Right. Those jerks in Na no Kuni have spent so long convincing the continent that carrots are orange, any that aren't are a niche item, subject to fads. They aren't selling right now... but I've heard that Maito-san is rather fond of them. I'll give them to you for a 25% discount off the price of the regular carrots."

"That's... less than half the sticker price," Sakura noted.

"And I'm still making a small profit," Takeda said. "As for the broccoli, well... let's say I'm having a double the weight sale for the next ten minutes--"

Naruto had increased their order by four times by the time the shopkeep got to 'next'. Naruto considered the wallet that held their budget and frowned. "It's still going to be tight for the meat, and we may need to sub potato crisps for the panko--"

"Nonsense," Takeda chided. "Wada Meats in the East Konoha Shopping Arcade should have exactly what you need for a great price!"

Naruto looked down. "I don't like chasing off Wada-san's customers."

Takeda's look of utter broken heartedness at this remark made Yuugao avert her eyes. Then she looked at Naruto-- her ignored, neglected, far too wary in their own village cousin Naruto, and took a breath before kneeling before him. Chop down the tree, you might as well mill the whole thing.

"Naruto, I can promise you there is no problem with you going to Wada-san's for two reasons. I know for a fact that Wada-san doesn't want any customer that would turn their nose up at you, for one."

"What's the other reason?" Naruto mumbled, not meeting her eyes.

So she leaned in, laying her hands on his shoulders and speaking quietly in his ear.

"You'll be there with family."

Naruto snapped back, meeting her gaze. She nodded firmly.

She expected maybe an outraged cry demanding where the fuck she was all these years, or maybe an hyperactive barrage of questions about the clan.

Instead there was a small smile, watery eyes, and a sudden, world dominating hug.

"Okay, Nee-san," Naruto murmured.

"Okay," Yuugao replied.

She caught the eye of Haruno Sakura. Questions raged in those eyes.

Except the girl just nodded, and turned to bow to Takeda, who was neatly bagging the produce. "Naruto? Pay Takeda-san. We still need to get meat and then get this stuff stored at home."

Naruto released Yuugao, turned, blinked, and smiled. "Right. Right."

##

###  **1536 h. East Konoha Shopping Arcade**

"Does... she have you eating together, now?"

The response to his question wasn't what Sasuke expected. Sakura turned and nodded-- really the barely there bow of greeting of a busy equal. Meaning she had noticed him and either controlled her reaction or not put forth one she no longer found useful.

Either, frankly, was an improvement.

"Sasuke," she greeted him. And her voice was blessedly not a fan girl squeal but closer to how she answered Iruka's questions in class. She consulted the list in her hand. "Actually, we have been assigned the job of feeding ourselves and the team we have been training with. So, we have the broccoli and garlic dish covered, we need some sugar to properly glaze the carrots..."

"I know a guy in the Bazaar who's sane with dry goods prices," Naruto said. "Think your parents supply him, actually."

"Ikeda," Sasuke noted.

"Yep."

"Good man. Glad to see you have some taste in company, Thin Hammer."

"Hey, I told you. Shika comes with Chouji, and I'm not missing out on Chouji just because he knew the wrong guy since childhood. Nice glasses by the way, Bastard."

Sakura was looking them over, one eyebrow cocked over her own glasses. Huh. He'd noticed she'd stop wearing that pair (were they just for reading?) when the rumour "Sasuke don't make passes at chicks in glasses" went around their second year. A year he most certainly wasn't even considering making passes at all. "There's a story to those nicknames."

"He cheats like a ninja in spars. So do I. He's a bastard, I'm just pragmatic," Naruto said with a grin.

"How useful is a hammer with a thin head?" Sasuke noted with a smirk.

"That's the idiom, not the story," Sakura noted with a wry grin. "Kilo or so of pork and beef per diner?"

"Better double it for the mean green duo... no, triple it for Lee and I," Naruto said with a sigh.

"Oh, dear, there goes your girlish figure," Sasuke said. Damn, it was nice to relax pretenses a bit.

"Watch it, our escort will think you're human, Bastard," Naruto said, jerking a finger at a purple haired woman nearby.

Sasuke didn't realize he'd stiffened his back until after he'd done so, and cursed himself. "My apologies..."

Purple hair. ANBU tattoo. Mentally, he imposed a mask with a cat's face with red whiskers on it over the woman's face.

"Uzuki Yuugao, in case you've forgotten, Sasuke-san."

"My cousin," Naruto said, with a small smile.

Sasuke blinked. "I... see. She is... an ANBU's ANBU; you should be proud of her."

"See, I look at her, and remember her singing me songs as a child," Naruto chuckled with a shrug.

"You're still a child," Sakura shot out.

"Up yours, Bitch, talk to the hitai-ate," Naruto shot back.

Sakura responded maturely by sticking her tongue out at the blond. That she managed to look dignified while doing so was... rather stunning.

Sasuke looked down a moment. "... she found me. After Itachi..."

He looked up, and was once again surprised in the best way.

No pity. Sympathy, maybe. Interest, yes, but not blatant. Just... looking at him, one nin to another.

"So... hamburgu dinner?" he finally said.

"Yep. Super Hi comfort food," Sakura said. "Apparently a favourite of Gai-sensei."

"You're training with Maito Gai's team?" Sasuke said. "I hear his students sometimes spar Maito-san's training partner... Hatake Kakashi."

"Gai-sensei prefers the term 'eternal rival'," Sakura said, smirking.

"I just call him Kashi-nii. Then he asks me if I said something," Naruto said with a grin that was rather fox like.

"... Kashi... nii...?"

Yuugao sighed. "We watched Naruto very carefully as a child, shall we say."

"... dare I hope you were just playing with him when not quite catching him after a prank...?" Sasuke said with a smirk.

Yuugao smiled ever so slightly. "At first."

"At first?" Sakura wondered.

Yuugao reached out and ruffled Naruto's hair. "Sadly, this one learns best by doing."

"... so by making him run from ANBU, you taught him to evade ANBU," Sasuke said. "Damn. And I never noticed."

"One day," Yuugao said, fist clenched, "Umino-kun _will_ tell us how he found him when we could not. Oh, yes. He will. And then... we'll see who hides..."

"... Wonder if it's a cool jutsu?" Naruto mused.

"As your cousin--" Yuugao began.

"I'm claiming family teasing rights~!" Naruto crowed.

"...damn. Double damn. Forbidding you from learning now would be petty," Yuugao said. "And the Hokage would likely find it amusing."

##

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked up from his crystal ball with a smirk. "Heh. They know me well."

##

Sakura shook her head. "Be that as it may-- and thank you for the patience, Wada-san--"

"Eh," the tall, skinny butcher said. "They're Uzumaki."

As if it explained everything.

"So, we'll need... sixteen, wow... kilos each of pork and beef."

Sasuke felt a mad impulse. "Do me a favour," he ... requested coolly.

Sakura's gaze was... just a bit wary, which was actually encouraging. Naruto's was open... but looking closer, Sasuke wondered if that wasn't open like a bear trap.

"Depends on the favour," Sakura countered.

Sasuke swallowed. "Allow for a guest."

The three looked at each other for a minute.

"Sensei said you only get one shot, Sasuke," Naruto said. And when Naruto addressed him by name...

"I know. But I know why I flunked out, and if she won't have me after the steps I've already taken... maybe a bit of honing with Iruka-sensei is needed."

"Make it nineteen kilos," Sakura said. "18 Maple Way."

Sasuke blinked. "That's... the Old Clan district."

"Sensei's got us using one of her clan's places as a barracks," Naruto said.

Sasuke slowly nodded. "18 Maple Way."

Sakura smiled... and it was rather pleasantly evil. "Think you can swing bringing sake, Bastard?"

He returned the smile, feeling rather... content. "Hope you can handle the kind of stuff you'd never heat, Bitch. Though I'll never touch it."

The smile became a smirk, and with a wave from Naruto and a nod from Sakura, they parted.

##

###  **1556 h. Training Ground VOC 3 (D-Rank Fixed)**

"Wait, the parks with equipment in Konoha are all considered E-rank obstacle courses?" Sakura said, blinking.

Yuugao shrugged. "It's a good primer for later. The two Academy courses, and those three gym sets the older kids would either warn you off or dare you to try? D-rank. You still see genin using them. There's also four training grounds that qualify as the first VOCs."

"Vouks?" Naruto wondered.

Yuugao smirked. "We took the idea directly from how Kells trains knights, so we use their term for it-- _Variable Obstacle Course_."

"Vari-a-bil... oubsta.. cu... Yeah, VOCs," Naruto settled quickly. "Geez, no wonder Higo, and Throalic are more spoken around the Sphere. Gothic is just nutty."

Yuugao's cat like grin was all comment she gave on that. "Next up are the eight C-ranked courses-- four VOCs there; six B-ranked, five of them variable; three A-ranked, one of them semi-fixed and the other two are variable; two S-Ranked that are really just training grounds we've cultivated a certain way; and it's believed the Hokage's private training grounds have a VOC that's so challenging you'd have to call it SS-rank. Personally, I think it holds a VOC that can be taken from a B to higher ranks. There's really no SS rank, it's just an informal way of saying 'you'll likely have to kill everyone that isn't you, destroy everything that isn't you. And stomping on and burning the remains is likely not optional.'"

"... pissing on the remains...?" Naruto wondered.

"Do it even as they burn, best to be through," Yuugao agreed. "Laughing maniacally while doing so might be optional, but nobody's ever been brave enough to ask Fox to find out for sure."

"And this one?" Sakura asked, gesturing to the array of ladders, platforms, ropes, and other conveyances and blockades.

"This is Training Ground VOC 3. It's the first of the Genin only D-Ranks to integrate a targeting component."

"... lot more complex than a Jungle Gym," Naruto quipped.

Yuugao nodded. "Much like moving up a tier in the evaluation ranks, a D course is exponentially much harder than an E, and a C compared to an E will make anyone at the D level pee themselves."

Naruto slowly nodded. "So... we start over here, at this Leaf marker?"

Yuugao nodded. "Then to this wall, where you'll climb up this rope. Then you rappel down the other side... and unlike my sensei, I'll tell you there's a down mark for just jumping down. After that, up this incline--"

"Are those water nozzles?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, and they're turned on by a seal system the second you start running..."


	6. 6

###  **[Redacted] h. T &I Cell #[Redacted]**

_Excerpt from Interrogation Transcript: Mizuki, Session 3. Interrogators Morino Ibiki, Mitarashi Anko_

MIZUKI: So, what, you're just gonna sit there, staring at me? Hoping I'll crack under the almighty Shodai blessed gaze of Ibiki? I don't care about your rep, Morino, my master's prepared me for you.

_Morino continues sitting and observing the subject. The subject maintains his bravado and insults to no response from Morino (see full transcript for details)._

_Ten minutes elapse in this fashion. Then the door buzzer goes off. Mitarashi Anko enters. Ibiki turns toward her and smiles slightly._

MORINO: According to our info, he started babbling about "Orochimaru-sama" almost as soon as he hit gen pop in the Strict Correctional Facility.

MITARASHI: (laughs) Did you tell him?

MIZUKI: (laughs) I know you're Orochimaru-sama's failure, bitch--

_Mitarashi applies the bare minimum acceptable first level force (backhand, across face). Subject spits out tooth._

MITARASHI: Yep. I survived him. But that's not why you should worry.

_Subject spits out blood, coughs, tries to laugh, breaks out coughing, coughs up another tooth._

MIZUKI: Oh, really? What, gonna summon one of your tamed snakes on me?

MITARASHI: Nope. You should be worried... because I'm also Naruto's sensei.

 _Mitarashi draws a standard kunai, keeping within first level force constraints. She draws it slowly across subject's cheek. Mitarashi moves in and straddles the subject, applying acceptable first level psychological leverage (invasion of personal space)_. _She whispers in subject's ear._

MITARASHI: (gain adjustment) ... think we can get Kakashi-nii in here.

_Subject shows low level stress response (pupil dilation)._

MIZUKI: Hatake... Kakashi...?

_Mitarashi leans back, and draws the kunai across his other cheek, this time cutting the skin and escalation to a low level two use of force and psychology._

MITARASHI: He sees Naruto as a little brother. Didn't you know?

_Mitarashi pats the subject's uninjured cheek with mock affection._

MITARASHI: Let's begin, shall we?

##

###  **1646 h. VOC 3**

Sakura liked the look of pleasant surprise Yuugao-sensei was giving them.

"Given what I'd read of your Academy interactions, I did not expect you to be able to do a joint run so easily."

Naruto gave a little 'fuff' of air. "Sakura's an overachiever, I like challenges and wanted to impress you, and we're trying harder to be friends now. I think."

"Among other reasons, yeah," Sakura agreed.

_Like say a mental switch between being a scholar and being HARUNO SAKURA, IRREPRESSIBLE KUNOICHI OF KONOHA!_

Her internal scholar and... office manager?... shared a head shake.

 _Let's not go overboard,_ the office lady said.

 _A Legend at fourteen, you aren't,_ scholar added.

_Stow it, bitches!_

_We're you,_ office lady noted drily.

 _And thoughts are just another sense, remember?_ scholar added.

"Even accounting for that," Yuugao said, pulling out a scroll and unsealing two largish bottles of water from it, "you actually acted as a team. You did not simply do your thing side by side, you helped each other. A distinction many nin far above your pay grade never notice. I especially like how you handled the human form targets."

Sakura nodded. "I'll admit, I was just picking my targets and hoping Naruto acted appropriately."

Naruto gave a hum around the mouthful of water he was halfway through swallowing. "Yeah. I slowed down a little, cause I remembered Iruka-sensei yelling at me during that one lecture on ranged combat in teams. If Sakura was going for the head, I had to hit the chest or... another vital."

"You seem fond of groin shots," Sakura noted, slight worry in her voice.

"Hey, groin shots are awesome on either gender!" Naruto raved. "Do you know how many veins there are in that area? Aim near the top of the hips, let 'em bleed out. Groin area itself, nerve central! Let alone the psychological effect on any other attackers! I just imagine they're the type to perv on Ko-kun and his friends, and let fly!"

"Ko-kun?" Sakura frowned.

"The Hokage's grandson," Yuugao explained. "He and his friends consider Naruto something of a sempai. They're eight, nine at most within the group."

"Could do much worse," Sakura admitted after a moment's thought. "And yeah, if I were in ten feet of a guy going for my cousin Akiko... that's where I'd aim. She's six," she explained.

Naruto smiled. "Then I'd aim for the heart."

"I do wonder how you'd do on live targets," Yuugao wondered.

"Nee-san, I--" Naruto began.

"Your first kill was at least partly luck," Yuugao said gently. "Here we are talking combat."

Sakura turned to the fountain of sunshine that was her teammate. "... You? You've..."

"... only the one," Naruto admitted quietly. "It was a head fuck. I was six."

Sakura blinked. "I'm torn between wanting to know and not wanting to drag it up on you--"

"Naw, it's fine," Naruto said.

Sakura bit her lip. "Were they... after you? Harumi mentioned--"

Naruto shook his head. "Naw. But... just... think about who I see as family, Sakura."

Sakura frowned, then her eyes went wide. "Holy fucking Wellspring and Seedplanter."

"Hey, watch it. Mito's a distant relative of ours," Naruto mock groused.

"Yes. There was therefore little holy about her," Yuugao agreed.

Naruto grew serious again. "I was out for a walk with Jii-jii, and this guy... out of the treeline near the Memorial park and training grounds, you know? He plows past two of Jii-jii's public guard, tosses Grizzly aside, and Jii-jii's attack knocks him right beside where Icebear moved me. Arsehole lost his kunai right in front of me. It landed right in front of me, I mean. And so did the bastard who was just about to use it on the closest I've got to a grandpa. I've been around killers since I... was able to form a story about me. I grabbed the knife, drove it between two ribs into-- well, it was something vital--"

"Lungs," Yuugao said softly.

"Is that why the bastard didn't scream?" Naruto said, and there was a touch of sadness under his bravado. "Next thing I know... Nee-san here is holding me, Jii-jii's standing over us shouting orders, and the KeiBu are showing up with more ANBU."

Sakura considered her teammate carefully. "You didn't like it?"

Naruto gave a rueful laugh. "I like I protected Jii-jii. I'd do that again in a second. But no. That day told me I could, but don't really like killing. It's kinda why I was willing to indulge Kiba when we all got on about the saving and helping people side of being a nin-- protect the princess, save the village. Because I'll do the killing, but won't like it. And hey, I was six."

Sakura slowly nodded. "Harumi told me about that traitor that tried to kill you."

"I should have got him," Naruto admitted.

"They would have killed sometime," Sakura said firmly. "And don't you dare imply you aren't worth it."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Naw, Keiko already browbeat that one out of me," Naruto said, hand to the back of his head.

Sakura smiled, and then looked at Yuugao. "You of the dusk and dawn?" she asked.

"I am Red Cat," the ANBU said. "And the area is free of those not in the dark. I made sure of it. Your parents?"

Sakura nodded, and looked back to Naruto. "I'm not really a civilian, Naruto."

Naruto's brow furrowed, and then his eyes went wide. "You're--"

"My brother," Sakura said, clamping one hand over his mouth, "was a KeiBu. He was one of the best scene of crime investigators ever. Suspect killed him just before the Uchiha massacre. Still hard to talk about. Wanted to follow in his footsteps. My parents, though... Ne. Through and through."

"The roots of Konoha," Naruto murmured. "You... know Yami-jii?"

"He freak out when you hug him too?" Sakura asked, smirking.

"Like he doesn't know what the fuck to do with his arms," Naruto agreed, as they both laughed. "So, wait. You aren't..."

"I'm not suited to be that kind of ninja," Sakura said, a little annoyed at the sadness in her voice. "I think... after Nii-san died, I felt like I could only play at being a ninja. You know. I couldn't be what Kaa-san and Tou-san are, and my role model was gone. Most of the other nin in my clan are either desk jockeys, or drip with politics. And I wanted to be out there, even as what I saw as a token nin. Made it easier for people like Mizuki to get me to accept excuses, limit myself."

They were silent a moment. "Never killed then?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, no. But... I've had brushes with death. I remember the first time Jinya and I really realized what our parents did. We travelled with them a lot, before Jinya entered the academy. I was... four, five? Jinya was eight. We were on the road, not even a Ne mission, just keeping our trade business going. This man... found out later he was one of the Salamander's that didn't want to admit Hanzou was gone. So this Ame nukenin sees a merchant cart with the Konoha crest on it in the middle of transferring between caravans and figures, hey, a civilian family of Ame's ally. Decided to get some revenge." She sighed. "I don't know if it was Kaa-san's jutsu or Tou-san's sword that got him, but he died barely five centimeters from my face. Jinya threw up. I still remember the smell of partly digested beef jerky and coppery blood."

After a moment she opened her eyes and looked at Naruto, shrugging. "So... knew death was part of this ride early. Enough to not romanticize it. Up for another run?"

"Cousin?" A voice interrupted.

##

"Cousin?"

Naruto turned to find Hyuuga Neji blinking at who was watching Team Anko.

Naruto blinked, and then looked at Yuugao.

"Oddly, I do not get the hair from any sort of Hyuuga blood," she said with a shrug.

"Huh," Naruto said, turning back to Neji. "All the things I pegged you for, Neji-dick, an Uzumaki wasn't one of them."

Neji's eyes narrowed and he grunted. "Uzumaki-kun, Haruno-chan," he said, stressing the honorifics in a way that Naruto knew was meant to be unflattering and maybe a little disbelieving, "Gai-sensei has asked we all gather at the training ground where you are staying. It seems you wastes of time--"

Naruto didn't see Yuugao move, he just felt the wind. And then she was holding Neji by the neck.

"Your Hyuuga cousins may bear your attitude with stoicism, Neji-kun," the woman was growling. "But this is an Uzumaki matter, and we don't tolerate that shite. Your _cousin_ has been under the protection of myself and several of my fellows since birth. He is no one's waste, despite what some fools think. As for Sakura... with that attitude, do not expect someone who is as much an asset to the Leaf as she is to take you into her confidence anytime soon."

Neji gasped.

"Is he hamming it up?" Naruto asked. "Cause if we're all Uzumaki here, and recognized, I know damn well she's not trying to kill you. Clan thing," he noted in aside to Sakura.

"I _am_ making sure he cannot speak so he listens," Yuugao admitted with the slightest, dignified cat smile. Then she grew serious again. "Neji-kun, if I have to drag you before the Hokage... You will never, ever call either of these nin-- your fellow members of Konoha's forces-- wastes again. No matter how much it suits your delusions." She dropped him. "Why they gave you to a prodigy like Gai instead of letting Ibiki or Eiji have you like they wanted..."

Neji gasped, rubbed his neck, and looked up at Yuugao. _Hell of a family reunion,_ Naruto thought. _One cousin glaring death at the other._

Yuugao turned to Naruto and Sakura, smiling as with a puff, a white mask appeared in her hands. "It was a pleasure to teach you both today. I'm sure Gai has something interesting for you now."

The ANBU slipped her mask on and was gone in an eyeblink.

Naruto turned to Neji, and offered his hand. The Hyuuga looked about ready to refuse it, but sighed and took it.

He was startled when Naruto didn't let go right away.

"Dick or not... I'm always glad to have more family, Neji."

He let his cousin's hand go, turned, and followed Sakura toward their home base.

He was not blushing at the proud smile she was giving him.

###

###  **1700 h. Around the dining room table of Team Minion.**

"But you see," Gai said, gesturing to the map before them, "the nations of the Tenkariku are in general more circumspect with travel rights than, say, the former Theran provinces on _Earthland_. So, once the goods from our Youthful friends in East Blue are taken through one of the channels across the Near Red Line and or over the lands of Erg Atchane, it is only prudent that we have a route overland through Suna pre-approved. We could have it shipped south, down the Kousa Suiro to go around the coast... but using the channel means dealing with at least three other nations who could argue we 'entered their waters'. If we go far enough out from the coast, the Demon Isles may make a claim. So by crossing Suna or Iwa, we only cross one border."

"And Iwa would never let us through..." Tenten mused.

Gai blinked. "Why ever not?"

Tenten frowned. "Iwa hates us."

"Iwa does not," Gai said bluntly.

The weapons mistress gave Gai a puzzled look.

"There have been one or two Iwa nin who have proven all too willing to hold a un-Youthful grudge, granted. But as a nation? They followed the rules of engagement, we followed them... The Tsuchikage Ounoki respected the Yondaime, seeing him as a most Awesome Kage. Of course, we killed many of Iwa during the war. They killed many of ours. But for a ninja war, there were almost no true war crimes committed, and those that were... let's just say neither Minato nor Ounoki, in their own fashions, suffered much un-Awesomeness in that regard. There are men and women we took as prisoners of war who were released back to Iwa. To this day, meeting one on the border between Hi and Tsuchi means that your tour on patrol is going a bit smoother from the start-- they know our Will of Fire, and expect only respect for their Nerves of Stone."

Neji slowly nodded. "So it is not all Iwa we must be wary of. Just as even as we respect Ei's strength, we must be wary of Kumo."

Naruto frowned. "Hearing a Hyuuga say he respects Ei... kinda weird there, Neji."

Neji frowned... thoughtfully this time. "The terms of Kumo's partnership with Kaminari are... different than Konoha's with Hi's, Cousin. Do you know the term 'burakumin'?"

"'Village people?'" Naruto wondered.

"That's the literal meaning," Gai agreed. "But in context, it's akin to calling someone unclean. A most un-Awesome suggestion. In Kaminari no Kuni, we find many people considering nin alongside undertakers, crematories, and slaughterhouse workers as Burakumin. The contract between the Raidaimyo and Raikage gives the daimyo an unsavory amount of control over Kumo in the minds of even the most hard pressed oyabun of a minor village. Even as the Raidaimyo enjoys being head of one of the five great shinobi nations, he either believes or plays on the belief in Burakumin."

Naruto frowned. "That's almost as stupid as how Mizu is. Hell, Mizu's the other fucking extreme, a Kage with way too much power running mad over the whole thing."

Gai nodded. "Politics-- at least, to a sane mind-- is about finding a Youthful and Awesome balance when you have a thousand voices each wanting their own way."

Neji smirked. "You said Barsaive managed that pretty well, Sensei."

"Barsaive?" Naruto wondered. "That's... on the other side of the Green Ocean! Oi, Gai-sensei, when did you go to Barsaive?"

Gai shrugged. "Ranma-sensei took me on a training journey, much as his father did him." Gai frowned. "But with less Un-Awesome bartering of my hand in marriage for food."

"You made many Youthful friends in Barsaive, didn't you Gai-sensei?" Lee said eagerly.

"Why yes... but we get off topic--"

"Calendar," Tenten said.

"Eden of House Blake is an elementalist," Gai-sensei said, fond recollection in his voice, "and the descendant, through her mother Evelyn, of Cymric the Weaver and Leandra the Keeper, two of Barsaive's great war heroes. I actually met her in Kells, shortly into her official engagement to Lord Lucaz, the heroic Man of a Thousand Deaths. Oddly, the events lead me to becoming godfather of her six year old son August..."

##

###  **1615 h. Hokage's Office**

Kita Hideki was never sure whether to be amused or depressed when he was stuck watching someone digging their own grave in front of the Hokage. He hadn't known when he started serving as one of three men in the Hokage's Daylight ANBU guard known as Grizzly when Minato had the hat, and he still didn't sixteen years later serving under the Sandaime.

Tani Sarubo hadn't even started speaking yet and he was already shoveling up the earth that covered him. Or, given the Hokage's simmering anger toward the man in front of him, maybe it was a cremation oven.

"Hokage-sama," Sarubo said, formally and in the most business like form of Higo's dialects.

Mistake number one. The Hokage's back got up the second you came to him all business. He might not be meeting applicants in the garden, like Minato-sama had, but both shared that-- coming to them in a mode of things being strictly business made them wary.

Not a good start.

"Hello, Sarubo-kun," Sarutobi said, his tone and form no doubt a calculated rebuke to Sarubo's formality. "What brings you here today?"

And perhaps a way to get Tani-san to think of the Kage in 'Grandpa' mode. A sure sign of Sarutobi's displeasure-- even with his back up, someone he liked would get a formal reply, and Sarutobi would lead them back to informal inflictions as they talked.

As Sarubo made a show of composing his thoughts, Hideki also noticed the neutral question the Hokage used-- not a kind 'how may I help you' nor a 'what do you want today?' Even spoken gently, 'what do you want today' was an admonishment not to waste his time.

'What brings you here today?' was how their Kage addressed possible enemies.

"Hokage-sama, today Mitarashi-chan asked for a substitute to cover her while she answered a request from Morino-kun for assistance in T&I."

"Indeed."

Sarubo sighed. "I would guess that perhaps one of your secretarial staff approved it, as it put a member of your forces in an odd position--"

"Actually, Sarubo-kun, that request crossed my own desk. I then re-routed it to Hatake Kakashi, who is now in charge of training our forces as the Hosensei. In the interest of transparency and since he's only started in this position, he forwarded a memo with his three choices to me. They were Uzuki Yuugao, Hyuuga Hina, and Nohara Rin. Sadly, Hyuuga matters prevented Hina-chan from helping, and Rin-chan is only just on her way back from a mission to Kusa, due early tomorrow. So I endorsed Yuugao."

Sarubo seemed to be taken aback by this. "I... see. Sarutobi-sama... perhaps it has slipped your mind, but for both the boy's and the Uzumaki clan's protection--"

"You do realize you are only Naruto's jijuu, and _not_ the sesshou of either clan he represents?"

At the Hokage's words, the Tani member stopped short. "... Hokage-sama...?"

"Indeed. The Uzumaki follow your advice on clan wide policy as they wish-- perhaps I should remind them of this fact. You only have access to the accounts under the Namikaze and Uzumaki name earmarked for Naruto's care. You merely have legal right to how Naruto's personal affairs are run, and only at the sufferance of his godparents and myself. You are his head of household operation, pure and simple, Sarubo-kun."

Sarubo blinked. "I... see. But still, Hokage-sama... surely you see the reasoning is similar to your edict to withhold the boy's parentage--"

"Naruto," Sarutobi said, standing.

Standing. Oh fuck, this poor bastard might as well light a Katon funeral jutsu on himself.

Sarutobi did not leave room for a 'wha--' or other sign of confusion from Tani Sarubo. He was relentless. "Calling your ward 'the boy' suggests to me that you are not seeing Naruto as a person. And that tells me that you are not as suited to the role of guardian as Minato and Kushina hoped."

Tani Sarubo was trying to control himself-- whether it was simmering anger, or quaking fear, Hideki wasn't sure. "Hokage-sama--"

"One other thing, and perhaps I merely missed it," the Hokage said, and standing straight and tall as he was, one doubted he missed anything. "But I do not believe you ever questioned Minato like this. Am I wrong?"

"No, Hokage-sama," said Sarubo, with the air of a dog not yet sure why he'd gotten sprayed by the evil water bottle.

"Considering we are not the friends you two supposedly were... do you have an issue with how your Hokage handled this?"

Saburo's lips pursed, then he bowed just deeply enough. "My apologies, Hokage-sama."

The man left, without properly being dismissed.

The Hokage did not immediately sit. "He is being watched?"

"From above and below," Hideki said from where he was hidden.

"Excellent. Danzou. Get the Haruno to look for deniable assets in the general direction of Nami."

"As you say, Hokage-sama."

The lack of playful banter perhaps indicated how pissed off the Kami and his Yami were.

##

###  **1619 h. Where on Sphere are Konoha Team Seven? Their HQ. Oh, that was easier than finding Ms. Sandiego**

"How exactly are we keeping Anko-sensei from realizing I'm here?" Sasuke asked, chopping carrots with practiced ease. Sakura supposed that made sense; he'd been on his own long enough that it was that or massive takeout bills.

"Gai-sensei," she and Naruto replied easily, with Naruto continuing as he cracked eggs into the five bowls that held the meat mixture for hamburgu as he said, "Most effective distraction, we just told Gai-sensei the truth-- that you wanted to try to join us early-- and let him handle Sensei. They find each other... plenty distracting anyway."

Well, one of him or his clones said it. Sakura figured trying to break Naruto of he and his clones finishing each other's thoughts was a fool's game.

She did wonder why she was so shocked Naruto could cook. After all, she had favourite foods too, and she didn't solely eat them. Naruto had mentioned the Hokage calling in a friendly inin to help him recover after the one time he tried a ramen diet. She'd have to look up this 'Rin'.

Sakura herself was separating broccoli from the main trunk, and doing some mental calculations about how much garlic she should add to the cooking water. A large stock pot was heating up for the garlic broccoli. Sasuke's carrots were due for the lightly sugared water in the shallower pot Sakura knew as a Throalic oven.

"Bastard, no! The water isn't hot enough yet!"

"My mother always brought the water to a boil with the carrots in it."

"Yeah, well, I like my carrots a little firmer than that gives you. And we're not cooking any of the veg until just before we put the steaks in the oven to finish."

"Fine, we'll do it the Thin Hammer way."

Watching them like this, in isolation... Sakura had to wonder how many times she and the other... fangirls... had chased Naruto off for 'bugging' Sasuke when in fact the two had been having a pleasant conversation. The kind of dialog the two seemed to share was either the product of very good team selection leading to great chemistry, or they knew each other better than most thought...

"Naruto once chased off a bully for me," Sakura said, smirking. "I think I can endorse the Idiot having carrots his way."

Naruto smirked. "Why thank you. If even a Bitch like you can give me that..."

"It was a good first impression," she admitted. "Sadly, between peer pressure and not really getting what you meant by 'date', I didn't exactly give you permission to give a second one."

"Eh?" Naruto said intelligently. "Isn't a date just a planned get together? I mean, that's what Mikoto-ba-chan used to say was really happening whenever I was 'taken into custody'?"

"I took it to mean you were romancing me. Or trying to," Sakura said.

Naruto blinked at her.

She just gave him a small smirk.

"No offense, Sakura, but while I did have a bit of a crush on you..." Naruto said, blushing. "Really, even that young your mind jumped to that?"

"Eh, I may read shonen manga, but I'm also addicted to romance novels," Sakura admitted. "So, the target of your affections-- that Keltic pen pal?"

Naruto chortled. "Sakura, I don't think her husband or their little girl would like that much."

It was Sakura's turn to blink wildly. "Oh." Looking for a change of subject to let her blush die down (though her inner OL, who ALWAYS wore the glasses she really only needed for reading, was taking note to ferret out the who later), she asked, "What's this 'taken into custody' thing?"

Sasuke smirked. "It went something like this:"

"Oh, KeiBu-san, KeiBu-san! That orange brat has stolen from my till!" Naruto (or his clone) cried from the first bowl of meat.

"And KeiBu-san, he scared my cows to curdle their milk!" came the follow up that Naruto (or his clone) cried from the second bowl.

"He upset my cart!" came Naruto's (or his clone's) third cry.

"He threatened my baby!" the fourth Naruto (or his clone) exclaimed.

"... guys, he just set off a paint bomb," the fifth Naruto (or his clone) said, puzzled.

The other four blonds turned to the fifth. "SH!"

Sasuke put on an even more serious face than usual. "These are grave accusations indeed. I shall take him into custody while we investigate."

"Yay!" four of the Naruto's cheered.

"Seems like overkill to me," the fifth muttered.

"SH!"

"At which point, one of two things happened," Sasuke said. "Either the KeiBu honestly tried to book Naruto, and a senior officer who knew exactly who it would piss off stopped it, or the original officer was smart enough to know that no kid, not even Naruto, gets sent to a cell for a simple prank. At which point, he was usually remanded to the custody of Uchiha Mikoto."

Sakura's jaw dropped. "You two have known each other since you could talk, haven't you?"

"I got a... bit standoffish after my parents died," Sasuke admitted. "But Naruto, no matter what the rest of you think, is in fact my friend. Hell, usually got along with most of the guys in our class... except Shikamaru. Arsehole."

The vehemence in his voice must have startled her enough to show on Sakura's face, because he looked at her, sighed, and elaborated. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed. Once Shika's got an idea of what you should be in his head, he's very much set on you being that. No matter how much you contradict it later."

Sakura gave him a sad smile. "I can think of others that did that."

"Sakura, for all yours and Ino's faults-- and you were the worst most days, mostly because I was also part of your 'rival' thing-- you never took the extra step Shikamaru does. He's tried to _force_ me to fit his mold, and done so despite polite requests, blunt objections, and even at least two beatdowns masquerading as spars under Iruka's watchful but approving eye. If he ever stops... it will take me a while to accept the change, alright?"

Sakura blinked. "And here I thought he was merely a chauvinist pig."

"I wish," Sasuke grumbled. "There are days Chouji can't stand the guy, and they were practically born friends."

Sakura gave a hum. "Note to self, be more willing to tell Shika I won't suffer his shite."

 _Got it!_ Office Lady said with a salute.

Sakura looked at Naruto and Sasuke to find they were giving her puzzled looks. Well, if they're sharing... "Imagine having mental Kage Bunshin, Naruto. And each one specializes in something. When I say note to self, I rather vividly see me done up as... not a secretary, more middle management... and she takes a note. When I get physical, the me that's always psyched up to run ten thousand klicks and then run ten thousand more sort of takes over. I worry at times, but Ino's dad told me it's not multiple personalities. More like strong conscious thought processes spawn a little sub-me that can deal with its conscious and unconscious aspects."

Sasuke whistled. "You've got one of the few human minds actually geared for multi-tasking."

"Ino's dad knows his stuff. Least, I have to believe he does," Naruto said.

"You've consulted with him?" Sakura asked.

Naruto frowned, then the middle blond at the counter stepped away from the meat and made a quick cross seal to summon a replacement. He washed his hands, dried them, and turned down the heat on the Throalic oven. After setting the stove's seals to maintain the heat and alert them if the water boiled away, he came round the counter.

Sasuke neatly stacked the carrot pieces on the centre of his cutting board. Sakura tossed out the thick, main branch of the broccoli in the designated 'crap bowl' (sadly, she did not know the menu plan for the next few nights, or she would have saved them for stew) and joined Sasuke in washing hands.

They joined the waiting Naruto in the nearby sitting area. Naruto looked... far too thoughtful for Naruto. Or maybe there was a bit of fear there that made it off putting.

Naruto had removed his jacket earlier in their kitchen work, so he was clad in a white shirt with a small leaf symbol on it with the words "Konoha Academy" framing it to the left and right.

He sighed. "Jii-jii showed me how to do this so he could check the damn thing that night."

And with that cryptic statement, Naruto rolled up his shirt to expose his belly, revealing a complex seal array.


	7. 7

###  **1630 h. Team Anko Sphere-Wide Headquarters-- Second Floor Tea Room.**

"Oh, excellent," Anko said, and Sasuke smiled at the sight of his prospective sensei rubbing her hands together as she sat seiza before the small table, smiling at the tea-making tools Sakura set before her and the tray of steamed Chai style treats Naruto put down on the centre. "It's nice to know my casual sadism toward you hasn't blunted the love for your dear Sensei. Especially after I got rather nasty with someone at T&I. It is so rewarding to focus my evil whims on someone who deserves it... Fufufufu."

They had decided to.... attempt to integrate him into the team before Team Gai showed up. To that end, they were plying their sensei with one of her stated loves. It might not be a full on tea ceremony, but it would still hopefully encourage a good impression.

"As opposed to your dear students?" Sakura prompted with a wry look.

"Sadism is occasionally needed, dear Pinkie-minion," Anko assured her as Sakura settled to her left. "Though... I will admit I am still learning the when of such things myself, and may push it a bit."

"As long as you don't remind me of my father or certain aunts and uncles and cousins too much, you should be fine."

Anko raised an eyebrow as Sasuke made his presence known. He had no doubt she'd known he was there from the moment she’d arrived, to say nothing of his entrance, no matter how quietly he opened the sliding door. She was a jounin, she had likely let him sweat out the full eight minutes he had needed to decide to use his only chance now. And now, he toe-walked in, not fully rising from seiza, closed the door, and knelt a short distance from the table.

Anko let him sweat another five minutes.

"I thought I told you a week?" she said coolly.

Naruto was across the table from the jounin, sprawled against a pile of the cushions that had been stored in a nearby closet-- one only sat seiza without one for prolonged periods as a punishment, after all. The orange clad nin was way less formal than even that. His rival/ friend/ foil to his straight man act, Naruto had that same look of openness in his eyes that was always there... until you gave him reason to shut down..

Haruno had a look of composed interest that put her so far out of 'fangirl' he wondered where the kunoichi had hidden herself. Had that eager look from the academy, chasing the shadow others had built up around him, been an act? One of her 'mental bunshin'? Was the shift Sensei's doing? Was she just rejecting easy ideas of who he and others were now? Maybe.

Mitarashi herself was giving him a flat, unreadable look-- no. He could read it. It just... suggested something he needed to ignore for now.

"Uchiha Sasuke. I like tomatoes. I like getting up just as night gives way to dawn." Sasuke licked his top lip, hating how pathetic he sounded. "I like hawks, too. I used to love my brother. I think I still might, and I hate that I can't hate him more. And I hate feeling that way. I think... no, I really do hate my father. And a good many of the serving nin I grew up around. But Father... he was an arsehole who only paid attention to me when he thought my fucking brother was slipping away. I hate the fact I only get three hours' sleep most nights because of the nightmares. And I hate feeling weak. My dreams and goals... I never want another child in Konoha to go through what I did. I want to rebuild the Uchiha and make them worthy of being known as founders of Leaf. And yes, I do want to kill my brother."

He trailed off, bowed his head.

"Sit to my right," Anko said.

He toe-walked forward, and settled in the indicated place. Anko tossed him a cushion (incidentally making Naruto squawk as his position shifted) and he placed it under himself.

Anko-sensei's preparation of the tea... it was full on ritual, even if they were not fully clad for it. The woman had noted loving the tea ceremony that first day, he recalled. Her cleansing of the pot and cups and bowl and selection from the assortment of leaves Sakura had delivered spoke of one who loved tea, and even Naruto had risen to seiza as she worked. She poured them a cup each, and they all sat in silence, sipping. Taking his cue from his (hopefully) sensei's demeanour, he did not offer comment on the tea, but sat in silence. He closed his eyes and composed himself.

A hand touched on his shoulder.

"What did he say to you, that night?"

He met Mitarashi's eyes, and took a breath. "'You've always wanted to surpass me. That's why I'm going to let you live... Foolish little brother,'" he recited easily. "'If you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me. And yet survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to life, and when you have the same eyes as mine, come to me.'"

"Your clan was planning a coup."

Sasuke blinked. He might have heard Sakura or Naruto gasp. It might have been him.

"A coup. I... there was... something was going on. I remember... Mother and Father were fighting, and the grown-ups all seemed to be angry about something... a coup?"

"It's not in the public records," Anko noted. "The Hokage told me I could tell you what I know. I'm not sure how much beyond my official briefing that I know, that he knows I know... Your Sensei is an ANBU who ferrets out secrets, but Sarutobi-sama is Hokage again for a reason."

"I've... gotten odd looks..." Sasuke mused, as something seemed to blessedly lighten for once inside him. His sensei, she'd said.

"Most of the town knew something fucked was happening with your clan. It got really tense. Danzou--

"That creepy fuck with an arm in a sling and an eyepatch you see round the tower?" Sasuke asked. "He's... tried to talk to me once or twice."

Sakura shook her head. "Only creepy if you don't know him. He's... basically head of our Darkest Ops division, Ne. My parents are members. I'm not. But he's..."

"Dan-jii is called Yami no Shinobi," Naruto explained. "Jii-jii, he's the katana you see strapped to our side. Dan-jii... he's the kunai hidden up our sleeve."

Sasuke slowly nodded. "I... knew you had a brother in KeiBu," Sasuke admitted. "Ne... I was not aware of that division."

"Most aren't," Sakura said. "And some that are assume the Hokage doesn't know, or does and for some reason can't do anything about this rogue faction Danzou-jii heads up."

Sasuke blinked. "That has got to be the biggest pile of bullshite I ever heard."

Naruto and Sakura just smiled.

"He's my grandpa," Anko said with a smile.

Naruto blinked. "Squinty-chan and Darky-kun?" he squeaked, and then curled up in a ball. "Go away, unsee, go away, unsee..."

"Her grandma's Utatane-sama," Sakura explained.

"... and people live after badmouthing our sensei... why?"

"Because it would be a waste to kill all but a few of them," Anko said bluntly. "Which is the exact same reason Jii-san would never sanction what your brother did."

Sasuke thought a moment. "Was my brother... Ne?"

"No," Anko said. "White Mask, ANBU. Black mask, Ne. Animals that are active at twilight or dawn indicate a nin trained to work as either. You brother was Weasel, despite his contract with the Crows. We had a Crow. No, your brother... that was never the official plan, killing you all off," she said to Sasuke. "One or both of the Hokage's old team mates-- they form his immediate advisory council-- insisted that only the traitors had to die. Baa-chan and Jii-san. Sarutobi-sama didn't want anyone to die, but your father was treating the attempts for a diplomatic solution as a farce. Mitokado-san was wading through the law. He came up with a road out."

"Tou-san always called the Sarutobi clan a bunch of fools..." Sasuke whispered, and yes, despite his earlier elation, there was a sudden weight joining all the others in his chest.

"Itachi was the Hokage's man inside. He reported directly to the old man. Even after Sarutobi-sama agreed that diplomacy wasn't working... a Kage ordering a clan's head and several of his advisors exterminated directly without airing out so many stinky futons any survivors would be marked for generations... wasn't happening. Maybe in Iwa, ol' Ounoki could get away with it, but Sarutobi cultivated another persona."

"... so they did it under the fiction Danzou-sama forced Sarutobi-sama's hand?" Sasuke wondered.

"The plan, to give the Hokage the deniability he needed to stay... clean as a Kage can be," Anko said with a rueful little grin, "was to set it up as Jii-san pressuring the council-- his lover and dear friend-- into pressuring your brother into the act, with Sarutobi-sama stuck salvaging things after the fact. There's an official order for Sarutobi-sama to mourn over after the fact; all it indicates is that those traitors with ample evidence against them were to die."

Sakura frowned. "Well, yes. I mean, what percent of Konoha's forces were Uchiha?"

"A full clan kill would have taken out six percent of our jounin forces," Anko said. She paused, and sipped her tea as that sunk in.

"That kind of loss on the battlefield would have the village up in arms," Naruto said, raising a finger from his fetal position and then slowly sitting up as he spoke. Come to it, Sasuke knew Naruto could likely cite examples from history of it. "Hell, ten, eleven percent losses would have set us scrambling to press new nin to service to get to full combat strength, and if a unit had enough Uchiha... we'd pull or disband it. Even without your eye infection," here he smiled at the backhanded pair of fingers Sasuke gave him, even as Sasuke scowled to go with the traditional Keltic Archer's way of saying 'fuck off, this is all it takes for me to kill you', "I'm finding that wasteful, and some of your clan... weren't exactly my favourite people."

"Some of my clan weren't exactly _my_ favourite people," Sasuke muttered. "So... then why this mad killing spree? If that was the idea, why this... charade of testing himself? Or is... my brother... really mad?"

"I don't know," Anko said bluntly. "I do know that before the massacre, Itachi went to Sarutobi-sama... you'll have to ask the Hokage what they talked about. Everything gets hazy after that, detail wise."

"That night..." Sasuke closed his eyes.

"Doesn't change what he did. No--"

"No, Sensei. That night he told me where a secret is... about the Sharingan. I-- he told me it, and told me how to confirm it once I get mine."

Anko caught his wary look at the others. "If it's hijutsu..."

Sasuke swallowed. "No. No. I get it now..." He swallowed. "The highest level of the Uchiha doujutsu... you have kill the person you're closest to. And there's something about stealing your brother's eyes--"

"Oi," Naruto said. "That's sick."

"It's how it works, you thin hammer--" Sasuke began.

"No, I mean your brother setting you up to be powerful by killing him and taking his eyes. That's the idea, right?"

"Not so useless a tool, eh, Uchiha-san...?" Anko murmured as Sasuke stared at Naruto.

"I'm joking when I call him Thin Hammer, and he knows it."

"Where as I am dead serious about his Bastardhood-- What?" The blond saw Sakura and Sasuke staring, finally. "Oi, what's that look for? What? What?"

"You... get what he did...?"

"Some, yeah. If he figured he had to kill most of your clan, an' could only save you-- why not set you up to be the big hero that kills him? Then, you get the super Sharingan to start a new super-awesome-with-nori Uchiha clan! But..." Naruto frowned.

Sasuke leaned in. "What?"

"... Naw, like I know--"

"Orange-minion! Speak before I let Pinky and Broody-minion beat it out of you with sai while I eat ramen in front of you," Anko said with a glare. Glare of Awesome, Sasuke thought idly as Naruto squawked.

"Ah, sanctioned team torture. What a pleasant introduction," Sasuke drawled.

"...was that sarcasm, it's hard to tell with you," Anko wondered.

"Take it as you will. We'll be going to that stand he likes, right?"

Sakura affected a sad air. "Oh, poor Ayame. She'll have to watch, you know, but... she'll understand. Someday..."

"Okay, okay, okay! I'll talk! (that's the second time today, would you really--)"

"(Miso ramen, with the extra spring onion you like.)" Anko said smoothly.

"(Crap, fine!) It's just-- no one outside your clan was ever told the super secret way to get the ultimate magic eyes by killing friends and family, right?"

Sasuke nodded. "The details are impossible to see unless you are Uchiha. I... can only see parts right now. I need the doujutsu active to see more."

"So, so-- no one's been able to help you guys figure out if there's another way, right?" Naruto said.

Sakura's eyes went wide. "That is the smartest thing you've ever said."

"In your hearing," the blonde shot back.

"Tradition, right?" Sakura said, still awed. "'We've always done it this way, so we'll keep doing it this way.' Never thinking about what the things you do are causing inside you, and maybe there's a way to get your body to do that without all the... gore."

"And the brain storm makes lightning," Anko said, grinning.

Naruto nodded, hyped up again. "Believe it! And if the Bastard didn't have to go all kill crazy to turn his eyes into mega mode, he's pretty much proven the Uchiha can be super Awesome." He turned back to Sasuke. "I mean, won't that be Awesome to say to your kids someday, y'know, you're ready for level two, and then be all like kupokupokupo, in my day we had to kill family to get this or see people die, and they'll be like, daaaaaad, that's old fashioned shite, and you'll be all--"

"Eye doctors," Sasuke said, as their words all clicked in his head.

"Yeah! What?" Naruto said.

"I've only been to the optic inin's twice," Sasuke said. "Just before I entered the academy, because the laws require it. And when I got these glasses recently. All other eye issues were handled in clan. Always, no exceptions. And we had no inin in clan. The one cousin I know of who bucked this did it semi-covertly..."

"Almost like even looking too hard at it yourself is a bad thing," Sakura mused.

"I hope you do find another way," Anko said in that serious manner she took at times.

Sasuke turned his head to her. "... I worry you."

Anko sighed. "Broody, my old teacher was a lot like you. He could be remarkably pleasant to be around, and he was like a second father to me-- but looking back, you can see where he started selling his spirit, piece by piece, and becoming a monster for power. If I see you go that way, I will fucking turn you into a puddle of grease and blood on the ground."

"... who was your sensei?" Sasuke wondered.

Anko gave him a level look. "Orochimaru."

Everyone got lost in their own world a moment. Naruto was the one to break the silence, of course.

"And you turned out so normal!"

There was some chuckles and giggles, and even Sasuke allowed himself a smirk.

Sakura's eyes went narrow. "We're going to help her kill him."

"Sakura--"

"Sensei. He is a Sannin. You will need it."

Tea was sipped almost automatically, until Sasuke realized he had finished his cup and Anko was looking at him.

"I still want to kill my brother. No matter why he did it, he killed our whole family. Even if it's part of some grand plan to redeem the clan...I think... for the good of Konoha, though... I need to push that aside. We need to understand the _Why_. That means bringing him in. Alive." He snorted. "Always wanted to be a proper KeiBu anyway."

"I agree," Anko said, but there was still something guarded in her eyes.

Sasuke turned in his spot and then bowed low. "Tell me how to stop your worry, O-Sensei-sama. Tell me how to put you at ease."

"Oh, sit up," Anko grumbled. "Never bow that low to me." She met his eyes when he did. "You're getting treated by the mind inin, a session a week or more if they say you need it."

"Already doing so," Sasuke admitted.

"Shut up, your evil mistress speaks, minion."

"Yes, Sensei."

"You are going to shove aside that god damn Uchiha pride and be human with us. As of now, we are your family. Not some idiot brother whose elaborate redemption plan risks your sanity. Even if his intent is good, even if he sees himself as sacrificing for you... no. We're yours, now."

"Family...?" Sasuke managed.

Sakura moved closer-- and she was looking at him differently. Her eyes were harder. It was a good kind of sharpness. "Family. You decide you still want Itachi dead-- we'll be right there with you."

"Hell, we'll make sure the yomi damn pyre's ready for his arse! Believe it!" Naruto said. "You guys... still cremate, right?"

Sakura took his hand, and her grip-- girl actually had a pretty good grip on her. "But we'll do it on our terms, as a team."

"Yeah! Team Seven!" Naruto crowed, draping an arm over each of them. The blond looked happier than ever-- an honest, pure happiness that startled Sasuke as he realized again just how many of the boy's smiles were fake... and how much fewer of his honest ones had been going Sasuke's way since that horrible day.

 _He lost Kaa-san too,_ Sasuke reminded himself. _And every KeiBu of the clan that saw past the Fox._

He smiled at them. A small, honest smile. Like the rare ones seen on That Man -- his brother, before that night. An Uchiha smile he would make his.

"Well, seeing as how I'm the son of a disgraced KeiBu Hanchou... I guess I fit in with a girl too sunny for Ne and a prankster with a Fox Demon sealed in him. And... I... guess I can put up with you guys. If I have to."

"*So* much love!" Anko squeed, wrapping her arms around the lot of them. "Can I do the top of the head kiss thing? Is that going to be awkward?"

"If you must," Sasuke said, but his frown missed his eyes.

"Mwah!"

There was a moment of sweet togetherness.

"Wait, since when do you know about the Fox? Please tell me he told both of you, I don't want to have to kill two thirds of my team and maim the last, it would look terrible on my record..."

##

###  **1715 h.**

"You... said you've been to Kells, Gai-sensei?" Naruto asked as Gai began his second steak. "I... have a penpal from there."

"Ah, Kells. The Emerald Isle, in the region of the North Green Ocean known as the Deep Emerald Sea." Gai's face grew contemplative. "Sadly, mine and Ranma-sensei's visit included witnessing the last Theran attempt to claim that Youthful land. Half of Kell's forests gone and the Keltic Lion nearly wiped out for the sake of a dying empire's un-Youthful pride. They warped the earth with a blood-based power to prevent the trees from growing again. Sacrificed Keltic children to do it."

Tenten huffed. "Why are the Therans so set on proving they're bastards?"

"All the sane ones do seem to leave," Anko noted drily. "Like our friend Lukaz or his adoptive mother, the famed Madea. They're still caught up in this... look, even mad men cackling about how evil they are still see themselves as the heroes of the story inside their own heads. It's been shown, in fact, that the last thing we seem to give up before becoming a sack of meat is that story. The Therans gave themselves a story before the Scourge in Barsaive that made them the guardians of all the sphere."

Gai sighed. "Add in a bit too much un-Youthful pride, and how if we let ourselves think we understand people more than we do we begin to take our conjectures as facts-- something that can get even worse in groups-- and the whole nation's been battling a growing madness since the people of Barsaive emerged from their kaers and said, 'Fuck, no, Thera don't own us.' The rest of the Sphere won't just accept their narrative, and so they've elected to try and un-Awesomely force us to. Even as it makes them weaker and weaker."

Sakura smirked. "Meanwhile, Barsaive-- the supposed 'barbaric rebel province'-- is openly traded with, has ships that sail the air, and is seen as Awesome in general. The Therans are pissed at Kells because it was the first nation off the Far Red Line to open trade with Barsaive, despite Theran... 'suggestions'."

"Trade and war," Naruto noted with a nod. "How the Sphere changes."

"Better a soldier then a lowly merchant," Neji scoffed.

Naruto did not hide his look of disbelief. "Well, now I know you weren't raised Uzumaki, but I'm wondering about the whole Hyuuga thing too."

Neji glared at him. "How dare you..."

"Correct someone so blind to his own clan's history?" Sasuke supplied helpfully.

"...what?" was the flat response.

Sakura shook her head. "Sempai, early trade in Konoha came from the contacts the Akimichi, the Senju and the Hyuuga brought. The Uzumaki in their day valued their merchants as much as their nins. Many of the branch clans of the Hyuuga are merchants in origin; it is the source of the clan's original wealth. Many of your clansmen still accompany Konoha trading caravans because they can aid in brokering deals as easily as they offer protection."

"... we're... seen as merchants...?" Neji said, puzzled.

Sasuke shrugged. "Part of the reason the Uchiha were willing to give this Hidden Village thing a shot was those trade ties. The Hyuuga finds strength in its branches. Since the branches are exposed to the world in more contexts, they receive the Caged Bird Seal. A seal based on, I'm told, Uzumaki protective measures. It's gotten some unsavory things tacked on, I'll admit-- but the original intent was not enslavement."

Throughout Sasuke's recitation, Neji's face grew less stoic. It flirted with rage, but when Sasuke proved relentless, that began to falter-- as that even tone Sasuke cultivated was proven to be as given to blunt but not too offensive candor as it was biting sarcasm with only the slightest inflection.

Neji took a long moment to think. "You would not deny that the Seal has been used to do unsavory things?"

"Neji-san, your uncle is my sesshou. I've heard him curse those unsavory things. The way he absolutely refuses to speak ill of your father, and refuses to speak of his death... I worry that he's felt driven to do those things himself. Any anger you have at him about that is no doubt justified. As I was recently reminded, it is up to you to focus it the right way. Your uncle may feel he does not have the leverage to be a reformer... but maybe your cousin does?"

Conflict washed across Neji's face.

"If you two did team up to change things," Naruto said, as seriously as he ever did, "I would learn every Leaf blessed thing about sealing I could just to make that seal of yours do what you think it should. Believe it."

Neji blinked at him-- which was kinda freaky from a Hyuuga for some reason.

"We're family," Naruto said, finding it hard to smile. "I have little enough of that in my life as is."

##

###  **1810 h.**

Sasuke sat cross legged on the patio behind the house letting his food digest and his mind slow down. He welcomed the lack of loneliness, now that he was officially part of Team Minion, but the need to periodically be alone had always been part of him.

Maybe a button Itachi had pressed, to make it worse? Anything could have happened in that moment locked away in his mind.

"Rot take you, Itachi-nii-san," he grumbled.

"I've often done the same."

Sasuke would later be sure the ANBU with the grasshopper mask was holding back laughter for a moment, but found himself thankful the man did not call attention to how startled Sasuke had been.

He gave the man a momentary glare, and at the unyielding response of the ANBU's mask, he sighed.

"Is it rude to say I recognize your voice, Raito-san?"

The identified Raito took off his mask. "Not if I say it isn't. Thought you might."

"You came by with that-- with Itachi often enough. Odd. Seems like all Itachi's friends were older and ANBU."

"It's who he socialized with. What's got you cursing your brother, besides the ongoing justifiable rage at a traitor."

Sasuke sighed. "Between my teammates and I, we figured out that Itachi pretty much painted a big 'come kill me, little brother,' sign on himself. And I was just thinking... even if that was _my_ goal, what I wanted to focus on alone... it still likely would have blinded me to other things."

Raito gave an agreeable hum. "Goals are like that. Plan too far in the future, and the Law of Unintended Consequence bites you in the head."

"Er... do you mean the hand?"

"Nope."

"... Oh..."

##

"I kind of want to curse your family, Naruto."

Her teammate looked absolutely baffled by her pronouncement.

Sakura sighed. Dishes done, leftovers-- realized to be non-existent, tea and socialization done... things had time to gel. "Look, it's great Yuugao-sensei was there for you as a kid. But it seems shitty-- and don't lie for her, you suck at lying when your heart isn't in it-- it _is_ shitty you didn't know she was family growing up. And that just makes me wonder-- how many other fucking Uzumaki are there here in town? Are they ignoring you? Are some of them giving you those Shodai damn stares I see others lay on you? Are they pulling the anonymous benefactor thing too? And if any of that is true, why?"

"Maybe the same reason Jii-jii thinks it isn't safe to tell me who my parents are," Naruto said quietly.

Sakura palmed her face. "Wait, wait. The Hokage _knows_ who your parents are?"

"It's a secret. Up there with the Fox sleeping in my gut."

Sakura looked at her teammate, looked at her sensei, and sighed. "Alright. I'm on record not liking this. But... you are my teammate, and not the only nin with his own secrets, or secrets about him. When the Hokage tells you, I hope you tell me. Until then, I won't pry."

She sighed, and rose from where she sat on the couch. "I need air, though."

##

"Mon for your thoughts?" Raito asked, after a moment's silence.

"They might be worth a plugged one, but that may be pushing it," Sasuke said. "I just... know one of my teammates pretty well. Naruto is better than a lot give him credit for."

Raito snorted. "Actually helping raise him was a touch before my time, but I've heard tales. He just never gave a fuck about making an arbitrary grade."

Sasuke nodded. "I know this. And I know Sakura understands living up to a 'ghost' better than I thought. Now I do, anyway. And I know... either of them would give the world for their friends. And for some reason, that really fucking scares me."

The back door of his team's base opened, and Sakura strode out, looking pissed. She paused, noticing company. "Er..."

"This is..." Sasuke paused.

"Raito's fine," the ANBU shrugged. "I worked with his brother Before."

"Ah," Sakura said. "Sorry, I just found out Naruto knows he doesn't know something and is okay waiting on knowing."

"Oh, Kami," Sasuke groaned. "When he actually gets set on being patient, he's scary."

##

###  **1820 h. Hyuuga Second House.**

"... my cousin?" Neji was still having trouble processing the concept.

His mother sighed. "A cousin that you would have grown up interacting with daily, had your father and I had our way."

Neji frowned. "Fate dictated otherwise."

Too late, Neji realised what he'd said. Watching his mother's face go from happy and open mother to neutral and closed Jounin member of the KeiBu caused an unpleasant twist in his stomach.

"Neji. Your father's side of the family is not the only one with its politics and frustrations. You would do well to remember that."

"Yes, kaa-san."

She should be asking him how dinner was. They should be talking about how the cross training was going. They should be doing what family did.

And then he went and waved their Fate in her face. And now, instead of asking him about his day... Hyuuga Hina, born Uzumaki, was focused completely on plaiting the elaborate braid in her long, red, hair.

 _You're the one that made it a pair of stereotypical Hyuuga,_ a traitor's voice in the back of his mind growled. He let it.

It seemed it was his Fate to hurt his mother.

##

###  **1845 h.**

"Do I need to get an authorization with all our chops on it everytime I go to get the mail?" Naruto grumbled.

Anko gave him an evil grin.

"Right, dumb question. Sakura, letter from Juuban-gai... Haruno Fumio, another cousin?"

"He's a humble scholar at the University there. And yes, really. That's all he is."

"The fact you have to clarify..." Naruto mumbled. "Sasuke, scroll with all of Pancake-jii-chan's stamps on it."

Sasuke smirked and Sakura rolled her eyes. " _Mitokado-sama_ ," Sasuke began.

"That's who I said, Pancake-jii-chan," Naruto rejoined with a grin. "A letter from whom we would not want anyone getting with just a henge and a smile, yes Nee-sensei, please stop grinning like that."

"Aw, but it's fun watching you all wonder if I'm about to start throwing kunai at random!"

"And I wanted to be part of this," Sasuke said drily. "This is more than likely just confirmation no one will be allowed to claim the Uchiha lands are public property while I'm living here for training."

"... people want to piss off the KeiBu that much?" Naruto said in disbelief.

"They may not wear masks like ANBU... or Ne..."

Sakura gave a pleased hum and a nod.

Sasuke gave a small smile-- and with Sasuke, a little went a long way; the few times he'd seen his friend try and grin, Naruto had been seriously creeped out. "But the Military Police tend to fade in the background. Between that and forgetting that Hiashi-san is my sesshou, people can end up seeing 'the poor little last Uchiha'. A businessman based out of Nami tried to get his hands on the Uchiha land."

Naruto gaped at that. "Someone from old Uzushio territory tried to pull _that_? What, did he think our brains wouldn't scream 'outsider'?"

"I don't even know if this 'Gatou' was born there," Sasuke mused.

Naruto shook his head, continuing the mail call. "Dango of the month club--" he quickly tossed the scroll mentioned in the air for Anko to snag.

"Ah, gyp. They did a caramel one this year!"

"Manga bundle for Sakura-- we're cribbing our subs, Bastard, you in?" Sasuke nodded, and Naruto went on. "Uh, work order for the backyard for sensei to sign off completion on... Ninja-Beat...?"

Sakura snatched the magazine out of Naruto's hands. "Don't you judge me!"

"I'd never judge someone who could knock me clear across the training yard. Tease, maybe... who the heck is subscribed to Warrior Babes of the Sphere?"

Sasuke reached out and snagged the magazine. "No. Judging."

"Right. So, while Sasuke scopes his ecchi--"

"They're fitness models."

"Right, right," Naruto agreed lightly.

"Of course," Sakura agreed.

"Is that Mirajane of Fairy Tail in the cover shoot?" Anko asked. At Naruto and Sakura's looks, she frowned. "What, she's hot."

"Everyone in town's a pervert," Sakura murmured.

"Including us," Naruto noted.

"Well, yeah," Sakura agreed.

Naruto frowned at the next letter. "We may have already won a cruise on the East Blue-- don't they filter out the junk mail?"  
  


"We all wish," Anko murmured, as she and Sasuke admired the centerfold. "And I thought I worked a bikini."

"And she's no fresh shoot," Sasuke noted.

Naruto rolled his eyes at the two. "And... oh, yes! A letter from Rai-jii! Yeah!"

"Rai-jii?" Sakura asked.

Naruto shrugged. "If Jii-jii may as well be my grandpa, Rai-jii is my nutty, really old uncle. He is _the_ cool old guy. Old guy gave me my wallet and helped me find my apartment."

"So, I take it since he's Jii instead of Ji and other evidence you've provided..." Sakura suggested.

"Oh, fuck, yeah, he's old. Well... he's, like, older than Kakashi-nii or even your parents, but younger than Jii-jii."

"And the cool bit?" Sakura prompted.

"Well, he's showed me a few sealing tricks, and helped me with my Henge when I wanted to experiment with it... one of the few people not an ANBU, KeiBu, or Iruka to actually _teach_ me, you know. Puts up with the Bastard being my friend. That sorta thing."

"And he's a pervert," Sasuke said, shaking his head.

"Super pervert," Naruto corrected. "Otherwise, that's not a stand out trait around here."

Sasuke smirked. "True."

"But he's a writer, and does really good genre books, and has halfway decent sealing skills."

"Sounds cool," Sakura agreed with a yawn. "And I think I need sleep. Anything else for me in there?"

Naruto looked through the bundle of mail. "Not taking a quick look, no. If I missed one, I'll set it aside for you."

"Thank you, sir," Sakura said with another yawn. "Damn. Night!"

Once she was safely upstairs with a closed door between her and the stairwell, Sasuke turned to Naruto. "She's gonna be pissed when she figures out 'Rai' is another one of your irreverent nicknames."

"Meh, I expect it," Naruto said.

##

"I wonder if I should have told them I figured out he's talking about Jiraiya the Toad Sage," Sakura wondered as she lifted her covers.

After slipping into bed, she smiled to herself. "Nah!"

##

Naruto turned to see his sensei giving him a level look.

"He lets you call him Rai?"

"It's how he introduced himself! I didn't figure out who my cool weird old uncle type was until he showed up to stop a drunken chuunin when I was five!"

"Oh?"

"Head band was kinda a giveaway, Nee-sensei. Bastard claims he figured it out a year or so before that, but the disadvantage of saying nada about it is even if he did, I can eternally doubt the fact."  
  


"He's one of the Legendary Three--"

"I'm sure you have a reasonable explanation that makes you knowing plausible, Bastard, but unless you have proof-- I mean, you want to be a KeiBu, you understand evidence, right?"

"... fucking Thin Hammer."

##

###  **1915 h.**

Ero-jii's (a nickname his history savvy teammate might well have connected to the Legendary Toad Sage) message, of course, had a deceptive number of packages sealed in-- mainly samples of snacks from all the places he'd been. Jiraiya also sent him some ideas on sealing, as always. The schematic on Konoha's radios was really helpful, and actually explained a lot about why they didn't yet have a longer range method of communication. That seal array was a nut just to get the signal to point at the range they had. And the whole point was to avoid the larger one way sending arrays used to transmit television.

_No one has been able to get their range to match that of the Talk-Talk Snails of the Blue, and those living phones need the Blue's climes to work._

He loved how Jiraiya left him bread crumbs without trying to mold his thinking a particular way. _Remember what I said about interconnected arrays. Read up on transmission, reception, and encryption, and you'll begin to see some of the problems. You can also see the social pressures that stop some possible solutions dead-- lover of history you are. Your Kakutou-ba is smiling somewhere._

Not that Rai-jii's letter was the only one. He wondered how many of his classmates wouldn't be able to reconcile Naruto the troublemaker and Naruto the regular correspondent with the legendary Major Coby. Reading Coby's story of a battle alongside the Legendary Strawhats against a Theran Naval detachment... especially how the Pirate King spent the whole time complaining how Coby 'forced' said King to serve as Coby's best man over seven years ago, was as Awesome as Jii-jii or his teammates telling tales of fighting alongside the Shodai and Nidaime.

_But those Theran Slavers once again learned that they do not tread lightly on the Blue, as we received unexpected backup to fully show them the error of their ways. The members of guild Blackened Knight are among the finest people of Fioren birth, and with members of their sister guild Fairy Tail there... well, it was soon over in our favour._

_So... hit that growth spurt yet, Mr. Uzumaki? You're shorter than I was at that age._

"Oh, you wait, Major," Naruto groused to himself. "It'll come. Before you make Admiral, I'll be taller than you."

"Keep telling yourself that, kid."

"Yipe!" Naruto yiped. "I mean, oh, hello, Ichi-kun, lovely to see you." Naruto gave Ichimaru a hopeful look. "You... sleeping here again?"

"More comfortable than denning in the Forest of Death."

"Heh. Hey, I meant to ask. Last night you mentioned--"

"Actually, your little house guest doesn't affect your scent," Ichimaru admitted. "And.... his... chakra's suppressed rather nicely at the moment. But yes, I am aware of it and was being cute."

"... Alright. Hey, so what'd you do today?"

"Oh, kept an eye on things... reported to my contact here in town."

"Contact?"

"Otherwise, I'm a rogue summon running around Konoha. See me as a foreign nin who needs work papers or a passport to be here on the books. And being here off the books--"

"--might mean you want to do stuff off the books, right, right. So, did the meeting go well?"

"I think so."

##

**2000 h.**

Anko-sensei had given him a put upon look as he left.

"In by 0100 h," she said, and it was an order, which Sasuke appreciated. Some people seemed to think the last Uchiha wasn't subject to the chain of command, an idea Sasuke actually found rather insulting.

"Yes, Sensei," he agreed.

Walking the streets of Konoha, Sasuke was reminded of the truth of something his uncle Masakatsu (Abe branch, a jolly man and not just for an Uchiha) once told him: "The Leaf is the most wonderfully cosmopolitan of the hidden villages."

And it was true. Even allowing that all but a few planned secure access roads were made for foot traffic-- even bicycles were vanishingly rare-- you could see how Konoha allowed influence from outside.

Here, a shop selling the savory rice balls created in the Elementals alongside the sweet version that arose on East Blue. There, a shop advertising the latest books from Kells and Barsaive translated to Hi's Higo dialect. You couldn't walk into Kumo and buy Fioren crepes, Keltic flapjacks, and okonomiyaki within a block of each other--

It took Sasuke a moment to understand he had gone from walking down the street to knocked on his arse.

It took another moment to understand that what... _who_ he had hit was not in a similar situation.

It took barely a word from them to realize why.

"Oh! Sasuke-san! Please excuse me, my mind was un-Youthfully elsewhere."

"I... was not exactly focused myself, Rock-san," Sasuke replied, rising. Interesting-- Rock Lee had not tried to help him up immediately. As a fellow nin, that was actually heartening. "Apologies as well. I'm... a bit distracted, and find sleep unlikely."

"Ah. With me... where I usually lay my head is a rather Intensely tense place right now."

"Oh? Forgive me, Lee-san-- that seems strange."

Lee sighed. "I am Rock Clan. We live on a land grant given to us by the most Youthful Gourudoko. This was well after the Shodai's time." Lee started walking, Sasuke fell in beside him. "Our founder, Jun-fan, insisted it was an honour to live in houses crafted by the First, and that the rest of the land must be used for training grounds to Youthfully hone the Taijutsu that earned us our place here. Which was Awesome, and respectful, and good... but left my clan with fewer houses than member families. So living with a great deal of one's Youthful extended family is normal for the Rock Clan, even as our lands expanded."

Sasuke nodded. "And there were conflicts within my clan, even with plenty of space..."

Lee nodded. "Yes. My uncle was... trying once again to get my cousin to cease being my sensei. Most Un-Youthful. He has thankfully stopped trying the Un-Youthful tactic of declaring Gai-sensei Maito Branch House... we have never had strong divisions between the branches and main house. Why, our founder was Lee Jun-fan. He chose Rock, transliterating the spelling from the Keltic, because he found the meaningful pun Youthful."

Sasuke slowly nodded. "No doubt one of the reasons Neji-san seems so stand-offish with you."

"That, and my Cool and Hip rival is an arse with an Un-Youthful stick up it," Lee said bluntly.

"I'd noticed. And he likes clenching up when you try to help him remove it."

"And cursing 'no, no, all the Intense shite I've got jammed in there will come out.'"

"... and he acts like you're the naive one."

"I know. It's rather funny."

[Walking the streets seemed even more a solace that night](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JzCppa4YIDjcRgU0rQnYdwzn8pfhLS1UqU3kGQiYYeo/edit?usp=sharing).

##

"... Ichimaru found would confirm Kakashi's findings. Also, when I mentioned Tani Sarubo, he decided to check things out. As he is known to the target, he kept distance. But he was able to get at Saburo-kun's mail. The target has gotten lax and allowed direct delivery. He is getting a... concerning amount of mail bearing the chop of the Gatou corporation."

In his relaxed, Natural form, the friend the Darkness of Shinobi had summoned all those years ago fit in the Ne head's office easily. His larger, Take Over Chimera form would have... likely made the office burst.

"More reasons for concern. I will inform Hiruzen, Baku, thank you."

"Always, Danzou. And tell Enma I look forward to our spar," the tapir said, before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

##

Naruto blinked at his desk. "Er... Ichi-kun, do you know anything--"

"Oh, sorry," Ichimaru said, stretching out on the bed near the foot. "Ranma-ji and Ranko-ba had business to attend to before returning to Nerima, so Ranma-ji gave me that package. It's from one of Ranko's tenants at that... dorm, inn thingie her and her husband own."

"Tenant?" Naruto wondered. He moved closer to his desk even as he finished pulling his nightcap on.

"That thing looks like it's eating your brains," Ichimaru murmured in an amused tone.

"Shut up, it was a gift," Naruto shot back. Then he read the label on the small, square box.

And his face felt hot.

_From a Sweetie with a Sitar_

"Ah... Kao."

##

###  **2027 h.**

Sakura blinked, looking up from her reading.

Someone in the neighborhood was playing an erhu... practising, really. The player occasionally stumbled, restarting a phrase, nailing it, playing it again and going a little further. They had the air of someone with no small natural talent, putting in the work to bring it to full fruit.

Sakura slowly smiled. She recognized the song now. _Again_. An old Hi song, credited to the Sennin Yui. A reflection on mistakes made, and how they can never be fully avoided.

She blinked. The erhu's twin bowed strings were joined by another instrument, and it took her a second to place it. A Keltic fiddle? The two were often compared, with the later being called the Keltic Erhu by some. She'd never heard the two in concert.

The players seemed to know each other, two-stringed erhu stopping when the four-stringed fiddle made a mistake so they could start a phrase again, four strings stumbling as twin strings stopped after a mistake-- she wondered if one had to start the bow motion before the others; she knew the fiddle's cousins the viola and cello required such timing due to heavier, longer strings.

The pair started again from the top... and there was a sense that this was the one they weren't fucking around on. _Again_ always had a pronounced melancholy, not sulking but declarative, almost ranting. But the players were playing it to the reflective side. Even the ascending part, normally a bit more bombastic, was rendered more reflective.

She barely noticed blinking off to sleep, her book on forensics slipping to the floor.

##

###  **2036 h.**

"Ranko-sensei?" Kakashi said, blinking at the woman on his doorstep.

"Kaka-kun," the woman said seriously, "I was about to return to my Taro-tan, when Sarutobi mentioned he had made you face... IT."

Kakashi blinked again, then frowned. "Yes. Yes he has."

"Kage Bunshin," the older nin said.

"I've been using them to help--"

"Not enough," Ranko said. "Not like a Kage would."

Kakashi's exposed eye widened, then narrowed.

"Would you excuse me a moment...?"

##

###  **2039 h.**

Hiruzen loved the rooftop patio he'd added to the Hokage's Residence. So had Minato, when he'd been alive. Hiruzen had often wondered why neither of his sensei had thought of it. Must have been the wartime mindset.

Someone shunshined in. Hiruzen did not open his eyes or stop smoking, the number of people who could just transport themselves here was rather few.

"Kage Bunshin," Kakashi's voice growled. "You don't just use them to move the papers around."

Hiruzen gave a long, slow exhale, before opening his eyes to look at the glaring Hosensei.

"Took you long enough."

##

###  **dreamtime**

Naruto looked at the gloriously large tree and winced.

"You see it too, don't you?" a voice said. "It's not just hurt, it's rotting."

"Yeah," Naruto observed. "It's at the point you should get what seeds you have in storage, cut this one down, and start planting the next generation. Should have been planting them already. It's not even diseased, really, is it? Just old."

The voice hummed. "They've tended this tree so long, though... they've forgotten about the forest. But I'm thinking about that. Look."

Naruto turned to look...

###  **GOOD NIGHT**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that day finally done. Enjoy.


	8. Appendix 1: Notes

Okay, chums, let's go.

##  **1**

###  **Writing Natsumikun**

I am Canadian. I have an autoimmune disorder. This letter contains no foreshadowing what so ever.

One of those statements is true.

###  **Shared History of Hi and Uzu**

I sat down and thought, what does each side of a Hi/ Uzu alliance bring. Besides the founding families being related. And then I remembered what a lot of traditional Japanese inks are made of...

###  **Not so Hidden Village**

Naruto and Sakura's musings on the Hidden part of their village's name becoming more metaphorical spun from the fact that, logically, if customers come to them and the monument is that big... well, it stops being actually hidden at some point.

###  **Tsunade's book, Trusting Inin**

This Naruto, being a history buff and listening to his jii-jii's stories, of course knows who Senju Tsunade is. Once I decided Hiruzen was an author, making Tsunade one made sense to me. Jiraiya is the only fiction writer on that team, though.

In pages to come, you'll see Naruto's dislike of inin and other medics is only partly because of assholes.

What, you want to know more about this Rin person Naruto apparently knows? Ah, of course you do. It only makes sense. Well, I'll explain--

Oh, dear. Beta Bob is waving at me-- yeah, sorry, we've got to move along, I'll try and get back to that one.

###  **Iruka's Big Head**

Isn't a jutsu. It's a low grade manifestation of ki.

###  **Konoha's Attitude Toward Uniforms**

I asked myself, what's the difference between a war footing and peace time that Konoha nin wear personal gear on duty in peacetime? And there you go.

Naruto's misadventures with laundry just struck me as funny.

Anko's hygiene lecture was aided by my betas who were once in the armed forces.

###  **Ai**

There's a genin team picture out there for Jiraiya's genin team. Once again-- why kill them off screen? So now you've heard of but not met the Harshest Love Ai and Tani "Endless Assault" Sarubo. Tani seems to dislike-- or at least not care for-- Naruto. Ai does his laundry. Both are originals, though Sarubo (whose first name I always mangle) being a Tani was one of those 'I have this set up, use it' moments.

###  **Making fun of Sensei**

A time honoured Konoha tradition.

Of _course_ Naruto can do Anko's voice better. He's constantly assuming a female form! (that, and he tends to be voiced by women).

For some reason, most people react to Naruto's offhand "Lee does a great Jii-jii," with a moment's thought and a, "Yeah, that makes sense."

###  **Teacher's meeting**

Suzume commenting she can see Kakashi as Hokage is a cannon shout out.

###  **Uchiha Matters**

The idea that Fugaku was at times a loving and caring father to Sasuke even as he was neglegent at best overall is based on personal reflection.

###  **Aburame Main Kitchen, 455 Honeysuckle Avenue**

This pseudo PTA for the parents of the Rookie 12 is a way to show these parents don't abandon their kids when they become serving ninjas.

A few fics pair Hiashi and Tsume after some action by the kids. Once again... the Protagonists are not the only movers. The way they interact also serves to show more of Konoha's social structure. In fact, this whole scene is meant to jam up typecasting of the parents a bit. There's a sprinkling of a reminder Naruto has friends for sure in this verse, and that he had parents who had plans for him.

###  **Kamizuki Izumo and Hagane Kotetsu**

The offical "[Those Two Guys](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThoseTwoGuys)" of Konoha. Accept no substitutes.

###  **Breakfast with the Hokage**

As noted earlier, this version of Hiruzen already knows the blindingly obvious fact that Kage Bunshin means never drowning in paperwork.

Over hard and tromped on is how my dad has his eggs-- in his case, his mother apparently had a habit of burning food. I shall only note Grandpa usually cooked lunch and dinner when I stayed over at their place...

I'm not a big KISS fan, but the Hokage using Gene Simmon's _Family Jewels_ catchphrase to end the scene just felt right.

###  **Resistance, Gravity, Weight Seals**

If I give you folks a term, I will do my best to define it quickly. It's also more of that all so useful worldbuilding. If I explain it to the readers in a world-suitable way, it cements it in my head.

###  **How the Village Saw the Uchiha**

The scene with Hiashi and Sasuke was to clarify just where the situation with the Uchiha was before the massacre.

###  **Breakfast with the Genin**

Uzu cuisine is Korean inspired. Hi has Japanese and Chinese elements.

I try and spot trends in works and make them part of the cultures of the spheres. Colour names are popular out on the Keltic Isles, and OC Parker Lion here gets the trend of animals being part of a name from the setting his culture's from, One Piece.

##  **2**

###  **Great Teacher Hatake**

When he's on, he's on. This scene also gave me a chance to expound on Kakashi's take on Konoha's ethos and establish a little about his "lab rats" in class Willow.

###  **Danzou + Sanity**

This Danzou having a basic understanding of psychology (including his own 'quirks' to a degree) runs a much tighter Ne.

###  **Anko likes maps, and Painting Grass**

More world building, though the Queen of Cat Burglars seems like just the kind of woman Anko would respect.

Now. The Rocks.

This was inspired by tales some of my betas have of seemingly ridiculous tasks they would be given by their commanding officers-- being told to paint grass green, take down a flagpole for inspection and put it back up, and so on.

Such tasks have two purposes. One, to get you to understand chain of command-- your sargant says pain the grass, you paint that fucking grass. The other is to avoid leaving people idle.

Anko's reveal of how pointless it is was a way of connecting these scenes to the opener with Kakashi-- even if the answer is, "to keep you occupied, engender some discipline and amuse me"... you must consider the authority you follow. It's that fine line between trusting your CO and your fellows in arms and not assuming 'just following orders' will cover your ass. It's a hard balance, and it isn't always attainable.

###  **Ibiki is Batman.**

No, really. I write his lines with Kevin Conroy in mind. He takes things so serious, it loops back around to funny.

Joao, betaing this chapter, wondered if Ibiki raised Tora. My reply? Who do you think takes in the kittens Tora sires?

A few noticed the shopkeepers Ibiki promised to look into the An Man for are both guys, and address each other as spouses.

I'm sure this is in NO way world building for a later reveal.

Ayame and her dad at the end there-- it's amazing what makes sense to you when you're used to a place, yeah?

##  **3**

###  **Yes Psychologists**

Yes, this version of Naruto's setting has mental health professionals. Because I see their lack too often as an excuse to let things get even more fucked than canon in a fic.

###  **Weapon Quality, Teaching Levels, and Attitudes**

Okay. Another fanon trope, and media trope in general, I try to tackle with this fic.

Making Naruto the special one unfavourite hate dump _everyone_ messed with doesn't wash with me. Once you open that door, and people see that they're seemingly getting away with it with one student, that opens the door. Say someone decides to be a little harder on Shikamaru, because the Nara are traditional Uzumaki allies and they don't seem to be doing shit. Or, hell, let's hold back those 'undeserving' civilians while we're keeping the demon nice and weak. It's not so much a slippery slope as it is seeing what seems to be normal.

Here, I have Naruto do his best without knowing the way he should take care of his shit. And others got caught in it.

I rather pointedly have Sakura be the one with sub-par gear. She assumed one shopping trip with Ino let her "get it", and the lack of knowledge bit her in the ass.

Of course Neji gets pissed off at Hinata not being trained-- Neji is a conflicting ball of pride in being a Hyuuga and hatred of many of the things being a Hyuuga seems to mean. And Tenten is right pissed off-- she's an Emiya.

The dragon-embossed kunai is special, for reasons we'll get to.

Each genin got a carefully thought out selection of weapons. Lee seems suited for [nunchaku](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nunchaku), and as noted while he can wall walk he's always going to find climbing claws easier.

We'll get to Neji's when they're seen.

Sakura's [bo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B%C5%8D)/[sanjiegun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-section_staff) was created because the typical dividing staff is too fragile to be used as a bo or other staff. Like Sakura, it has hidden aspects. I should note, most origins of ninja weapons as farm tools are... a bit exaggerated. They suit the fiction of my setting, but you'd never guess it but a manga or fanfic is not the best historical source. Disheartening, I know.

Naruto's weapons, as many guessed, are his mother's. Uzumaki weapons are a mix of Filipino and Nepalese. Bouwaru is a revision of its name, as I originally used 'staff' as in "people who work for me" to build the name of the weapon, and misremembered how to spell it besides! Waru I was right on, as being "to split in half" in this context. Later, I used the name pea yantok for its split form, and that should be proper Filipino for paired sticks. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. Tsuin keibou for Twin Baton is a direct translation.

The idea Rasenken kata and moves are made to be used armed or unarmed are from Filipino martial arts as well.

Of course Naruto's weapons are made to be sealed on his person-- they're his mom's. They're _Uzumaki_ weapons.

Several of my beta either shat themselves or cackled when I gave Naruto a [kukri](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kukri). It's one of those weapons people with enough armed forces experience or weapon knowledge often just grin at, imagining Gurkha taking on much taller foes and giving them a second grin across the neck. It is _the_ Nepalese utility blade, and its use is as varied as Anko notes.

I originally had Sakura react more like fanon never-a-real-nin Sakura to Anko's pronouncement she'd be trained in poisons. My beta team caught it. I'm _so_ lucky to have them.

Pissed off Gai is scary Gai.

###  **Dealing with Gatou**

I lied horribly. This Hokage knowing about Gatou earlier? Changes _everything._

This wasn't originally a matter of avoiding the Wave Arc That Everyone Has Done, really. This was simple character writing; once I decided an established villain was behind the attempts to buy the Uchiha land, I followed the thread until I realized where it could take me.

The fact that it allows me to avoid the Wave Arc everybody does was a bonus.

###  **Shin Has Such a Delicate Touch**

Shin, raised by a more sane Danzou, is still a kind hearted man. That kind heart does not well take those he sees as innocent being harmed.

Gourudoko Ken is an original character.

Ne is a rumour at best to most. This scene serves to set up the place of the three special branches of Konoha's forces in the grand scheme of things, and the weapon metaphor Shin uses is actually one of my favourite bits I've come up with.

###  **Cats in the Dog Kennel**

Naruto's Inuzuka cousin... some folks picked up on "Great Fioren dog" meaning Baraki is a Great Dane analog. Yes, Kebukai is a version of Shaggy from Scooby Doo, and Baraki is Scooby. But they are not those characters from canon.

The scene also explains why, if there are Uzumaki in town, they weren't closer to Naruto. Many who bring in clan for Naruto make them simply a solution. One of the reasons I like Marquis Black's [Legacy of Uzushiogakure](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7745648/1/Legacy-of-Uzushiogakure) is that meeting his clan brings _problems_ with it. Here, the Uzumaki have their own politics. They've let themselves fall into the [silent majority trap](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent_majority), and need to wake up.

Some people had a wait a minute here-- Naruto's chakra control sucks at this point. That is because Yuugao is only part right.

And Ocelot is there to let the Hokage know things are shifting.

##  **4**

Nara Kuraiko is a sort of sideways shout out to Shikako, Shikamaru's twin sister from Silver Queen's _really fucking awesome_[Dreaming of Sunshine](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7347955/1/Dreaming-of-Sunshine).

###  **Ai**

There are so many women _implied_ to exist in the Naruto universe that it frankly pisses me off. I may get annoyed at how all Oda's women default to the body type of... well, Nami, who has become more and more based on his wife.

Worse muses for a man to have. Oda's a lucky man.

But there are bad ass women in One Piece a plenty, with backgrounds often as rich as the gentlemen.

Kishimoto has (I've heard) to his credit acknowledged this deficit in his writing. I hope whatever comes next from him-- once he's done enjoying time with his wife and other people his mad schedule kept him away from-- starts to address it. He's far from the only shonen creator with this problem. The fact I'm doing my best to avoid it here is not a knock on him, but an outgrowth of a general philosophy of mine-- I'd rather fix faults than end up exaggerating them.

Kimura is a common family name for Naruto OCs-- I found this out later after pulling it from my name banks. Once I checked, I noticed quite a few of those named such are of Noble Birth-- but since the name is relatively common in the fandom, I meta-comment on that and picture Ai as being born of a salt of the earth family. Her nickname is a play on her name, which can be read _love_. The toughest part... she hung with guys called the Toad Sage, Yellow Flash, and Endless Assault. She kept up with them.

The Kouga referenced by Tenten is Kouga Saezima. In his native media, he is the first character to bear the name [Garo](http://garo.wikia.com/wiki/GARO_Wiki) in the decidedly maturely themed touku series of the same name. Garo means wolf, so that becomes the nickname of his namesake here. Maybe you'll meet this world's version someday.

You know, I think the idea of Minato using Kushina's hair as a brush may have been done, damned if I know where.

The salt in coffee thing was suggested by beta Ed B. Which is odd, since I do it.

###  **The Jounin Standby Station**

... is [canon](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/J%C5%8Dnin_Standby_Station). As is its proximity to the Hokage's tower and the academy. It being a place of gossip and drinking... my elaboration.

[Kurama Murakumo](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Murakumo_Kurama) is from Anime Canon. He has a bigger role here, as does his whole clan. [Kanden Tekuno](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Tekuno_Kanden) is also a canon character. Mokume Kunugi... is also [a canon character](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Kunugi_Mokume).

Neji's mom... is a ghost, in the not really being addressed in canon sense. Does anyone have a reference to a canon source saying she's dead too? Beta Ethan Slayer of Contradictions didn't find any in his second pass. I couldn't find one. It'd be fun trivia. Here, she's alive, and an Uzumaki who married into the Hyuuga.

This scene also addresses how those who stumble on some of Naruto's truths are handled.

(For the record, Jounin commander [Nara Shikaku](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Shikaku_Nara) is totally canon too.)

###  **Let's Talk About 'Inner Sakura'**

Wow. The Naruto Fandom took a simple little artistic conceit and ran with it, didn't it? I'm developing my take here, as you see. And because it lets me name check it again, you have read [Vulpine by Saphronet](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7183151/1/Vulpine)h by now, yes? Seen how awesome you can make a power up based on the inner life of Haruno Sakura, yes? Good.

Because you really should have, by now.

###  **Urban Training**

Because there are indeed cities in canon and in this fic, they need a place to train in this.

I love the idea Danzou has wired select places in Konoha for sound merely because events there tend to amuse him.

###  **Sakura Noticing Shit About Naruto**

More of the multi-level reaction thing, and a brief reminder that my Naruto will not be clad in black anytime soon. Because guess what? A quote real ninja unquote would more likely be clad in _civilian gear_. Or basically anything that didn't scheme _kabuki stage hand playing a ninja._ Because that's where we get the idea-- you want to hide a ninja in a kubuki play, he dresses as a stage hand. Because the convention of the setting makes you ignore them.

###  **Uzumaki Money in Gatou's Hands**

Via the man that was supposed to take care of Naruto's money, no less. Fucking with the "nice" village should turn out _well_ for them.

Any time I say that, I swear my entire beta circle breaks out in a collective evil grin.

##  **5**

###  **The Bazaar**

Sasuke is here without his Uchiha gear because I have read _far_ too many fics where he's slavishly committed to wearing it. Also, he wants to be a cop, just like his father.

What he overhears allows me to add more depth to his situation, and Konoha as a whole.

That is indeed Eiji the Laughing Phoenix taking our Anko-hater away. Wrong time to cross him, given what he just had to talk to the Shinobi no Kami about.

"Giving it to them in the neck"-- the short form I use for [Konoha Keimu Butai](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Konoha_Military_Police_Force), Keibu, doesn't just go well with Anbu. Keibu is a word for police officer-- and can pun with a word for neck.

I may use Google Translate as a tool to give Konoha's language an other worldly, not quite right feel-- but as mentioned, I am a bit of a language nerd.

Ed B practically _dared_ me to make a [Graduate](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Graduate) reference at the end of the scene there.

###  **Naruto Thinks About Shit, Subbing In**

The Nine-tails, to my way of thinking, needs to be more than a power up. Hence, Naruto's reflections here.

Aw, Sakura's already trying to assert herself toward her sensei physically!

###  **Chiaki's Relative and Duty; Hiruzen's thoughts on the Kyuubi**

The Tani are related to a larger clan.

In their canon form, the Tani are one of six samurai clans that serve the Throne of Japan as protectors from demons.

In a universe where Hiruzen cares about Naruto, I feel his thoughts on the Nine Tailed Fox must be addressed. This also establishes Kurama's particular burden, even among his fellow tailed beasts.

###  **Who Loved the Uchiha?**

Kishimoto stuck an entire clan in a fridge. Here, members of the clan had friends, aquaintances, lovers-- and fiances and wives. Some of them lived.

###  **Yuugao Lends a Hand, and I name more cool one scene wonders**

You can tell the Hokage is annoyed at the growing reveals about the Uzumaki and Naruto-- assigning Naruto's cousin as Anko's substitute isn't exactly subtle. Naruto's declaration that he knows he has no chance against Yuugao shows that this version can see he ain't the shit yet... at least when he's calm.

When I looked at the team of Boar, Lucky Cat, and Parrot and their combination technique, The Pottery as a team name just came to me.

Naruto's extra step back, I'm sure, is not significant at all.

###  **Tani Sarubo**

Doesn't seem to like Naruto much, does he?

Now how could Anko be related to Danzou...?

The way Sarubo reacts to Sai does not speak of a man that kept up with the Yellow Flash. Some nin do let their skills lapse.

Everyone got that Sai was talking to Shin at the end of this scene. And Eddie was happy.

###  **Yuugao Gets To Be a Middle Finger**

The clans of Konoha do get a _lot_ of autonomy, and thus must occasionally be reminded that the Hokage is the final word. And there is always a way around their stupidity.

As we see further on under Sasuke's eye, the Hokage gave Yuugao plenty of ways to be there for Naruto without raising flags-- she sang him to sleep, for one. This gives Naruto reason to hug instead of yell.

Sakura is taking advantage of her various mental stances here to curb her fangirl tendancies.

###  **VOCs**

... I introduced these purely out of my fascination with Ninja Warrior, MXC/ Takeshi's Castle, and their ilk.

##  **6**

##  **Exerpt from an Interrgation**

Note that at the level Anko's working, it's mainly mind games.

###  **Naruto's First Kill**

When you remind yourself the universe is not your protagonist's world alone, you actually see more things that might get to them. In this case, Naruto killed not a mobbing citizen who was after him, but an assassin after his beloved Jii-jii.

In addition, a lot of fanfics want to wear down Naruto's optimism a little by shoving "ninja kill!' in his face. Of course I was going to give him a more pragmatic, nuanced view from the start.

I have friends who are very good at destroying people and things. Some revel in it, some hate it, some have an indifference that makes it just something they can do when deemed neccessary. All of them have examined this feeling deeply and are mindful of the world they live in. That seems to be the key difference between them and people I don't want to associate with.

###  **Danzou and Hugs**

My grandpa was like that, and a couple of betas have admitted the same. Me, I have to curb my urge to be tactile.

###  **How Sakura Sees Herself**

You can be the smartest person in the room by several measures and brilliantly, logically, thoughly convince yourself of something that is dead wrong.

###  **Neji Gets Some Uzumaki Tough love.**

And I'm sure the 'clan thing' Naruto notes will _never be mentioned again._

###  **Gai's Travels and Geography Lesson**

The downside of my world building urge is... look, the beta team had to wap me on the nose a few times to remind me I had a plot and this wasn't The Astounding Travel Log of Maito Guy.

The reflection here on how Kumo and Tani no Kaminari interact came out of a simple desire to set up Tenkariku as more than a mono culture.

Eden Blake-- or the warrior Lukaz in her body-- was the [Ultraverse heroine Mantra](http://www.tgfa.org/comics/mantra/mantra.htm). I have made her the descendant of Cymric and Leandra, the heroes of the [Earthdawn Novel Prophecy](https://www.amazon.com/Prophecy-Earthdawn-Bk-Greg-Gorden/dp/0451453476). Standard Awesome!Version variation disclaimer applies.

###  **Sarubo in the Hokage's Office**

I like showing how Hiruzen handles things from many perspectives. [Kita Hideki](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hideki_Kita) here is actually named after a retired Japanese long distance runner I stumbled across in a Wikipedia trawl.

Yes, 'Naruto's Rin' is [Nohara Rin](http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Rin_Nohara). Yet another reminder, this is not canon.

###  **Making Food Together**

Team Seven begins forming a healthy dynamic here, and I begin another assault on fanon. Many, many people write in a friendship between Uchiha Mikoto and Naruto's mom, and then wring a lot of angst out of how various factors prevented her from helping.

Some people would fall into that, but I'm not plotting a redemption arc for a dead woman here. This Mikoto made sure Naruto and Sasuke played with each other, had a chance to be friends, and made perfectly clear to the KeiBu exactly how tolerant she'd be of them indulging certain people.

Sasuke's reflections on Shika's faults are a flaw I see many a Gary Stu-ish version skirt but ignore.

Many forget-- the Hokage's law states only he _or Naruto_ may let people in on his secret.

##  **7**

###  **Sasuke rejoins**

It's remarkable how much in the data books Kishimoto didn't use. Anko's love of tea is just a small sample.

Sarutobi not knowing about Ne still existing was always a hard pill for me to swallow in canon.

I think of how I made Danzou Anko's grandpa here. And then I think of Orochimaru. And I think I'm clear on this Danzou _not_ making any deals with the snake.

My version of how the Uchiha coup was taken care of goes back to a reflection that with the Uchiha, Kishimoto basically threw an entire clan in the fridge. This is one part to that puzzle, and telling Sasuke now is yet another way to derail his canon plot.

I forget which of them said it (I want to say the incomprable Veive of Naruto: Way of the Shining Hand fame, but I'm likely off), but Anko's threat as to what she'd do to Sasuke if he went the way her sensei did is almost verbatim an imagine spot one of the betas wrote about how Awesome!Anko would react to Canon!Sasuke.

###  **Dinner with Team Punishment**

More on Kells, and how Konoha grew.

###  **After Dinner Thoughts**

Grasshopper is Raito, and his Brother Boar is Shotaro. In their canon forms, they are the Two In One Detective, [Kamen Rider W/ Double](http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Kamen_Rider_Double). Here, they are blood related. I gave Shotaro the Boar mask to reflect his dogged determination to dig up the truth, while Raito gets the insect traditionally linked to Kamen Rider. A kind reminder/ despite the shared name, canon/ style these two are not.

The position Raito and Sasuke paint Itachi in, of having friends older than his age group, is based on reflection on my own childhood.

The _actual_ name often given to the goal fixation issue Raito and Sasuke discuss is Goalodessy.

###  **Hyuuga Second House**

Hyuuga Hina, Neji's mom... is an OC. That simple. She isn't based on anyone, though she is named after an old family friend.

Some who've talked to me noticed that Neji and his mom live in the Second House, and wondered how significant this is. Other, later facts will reveal: Very.

###  **Mail Time**

The Warrior Babes of the Sphere with Mirajane as Cover Model is a nod to her introduction in the Fairy Tail anime.

I am inordinately pleased with Naruto and Sasuke playing coy about who Raiya-jii is--- and Sakura figuring it out. The fact Sasuke can't _prove_ he figured out who Jiraiya was when he and Naruto were kids tickled many a beta.

Naruto's line is indeed ment to indicate Sakura's parents are slightly older than most parents in their generation. Another bit that just chuffed me was when people asked, 'oh, they waited to have kids or were busy with Ne?' It's both, by the way.

###  **More Mail with Naruto**

Back where we started this day. Jiraiya's letter is both to establish that he's part of Naruto's life in this world and to remind us that Naruto's already into fuuinjutsu.

[Major Coby](http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/Coby) is of course one of [Luffy D. Monkey's](http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/Monkey_D._Luffy) favourite people to tease. He's a bit older here.

###  **Rock and Fan**

The idea of Sasuke and Lee being friends just tickled me. It was later, when I remembered that people like to make Sasuke stealing Lee's taijutsu techniques a typical Arrogant!Sasuke signpost, that I really started loving the idea.

###  **Danzou and Baku**

Tapirs are often depicted in myth as the chimeric beings Danzou summons in canon. In a world with Fairie Tail and Naruto exist side by side, making this an expression of [Take Over Magic](http://fairytail.wikia.com/wiki/Take_Over) seemed sensible.

###  **Concerto for**[ **Fiddle**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiddle) **and**[ **Erhu**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erhu)

I was rather happy with how many people figured out this was Naruto practicing. As of updating this story with this Appendix, I have updated the error that had Naruto's erhu have only one string-- erhu have two, and I know it. The fact he plays bowed stringed instruments actually sets up a connection later. He's playing the [Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Op tune Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7uMdmCQabc), by Yui. I think it would sound lovely on bowed strings. (Before you ask-- BOTH. I love both anime of the fantastic manga. You can't make me choose.)

And with that-- oh, wait. I forgot to tell you who this Kao, a Sweetie with a Sitar is. I suppose I should reveal that--

What? The omake's ready? NOW? But I'm talking to my readers, they wanna know-- NOW? Oh, c'mon John, we can--


	9. Appendix 2: Marking Time

Kakashi is sitting at his desk, reading. No, not that. He's at work. He's going over Kabuto's medical reports.

"Udon, your uncle Ryu is going to hear about this... we don't need another Hayate in that way..."

Suddenly, a voice sounds from above!

"KAKASHI!"

"YO!" the Ho-sensei replies, not looking up.

"READER MAIL FOR YOU!"

Kakashi holds out one hand and a scroll drops in it.

_Dear Kakashi-sensei,_

_I know you did this in the old draft of Team Anko, but could we get your world's calendar explained to us again?_

_\-- Ed B._

Kakashi looks in that direction every character being meta KNOWS is at the audience and nods sternly once.

"IRUKA!" He calls, as the walls to his office fall away, and he, his desk, and his paperwork drift off the resulting WHITE ROOM. Iruka stands there, casting a bow at his departing boss.

"On it! SCRIPT MODE NO JUTSU!"

Iruka grins as a chalkboard rolls in, and produces a piece of chalk. Where from? He's a ninja, like he's telling.

IRUKA: First, some terminology. Our part of the world is just off the coast of what's called the Near or East Red Line. We're actually on the Near Red's East Coast, in the Blue's twin, the Green. The writer is working on that map. For One Piece fans, the south third of our landmass overlaps what was the Northern Calm Belt.

VOICE: Was?

Iruka smiles.

IRUKA: That's another lecture. But, yes. Monkey D. Luffy was involved.

ANOTHER VOICE: Your part of the world's been named once or twice in the story...

Iruka nods.

IRUKA: Indeed. Our part of the world is known as Tenkairiku. That's in Higo, which is _similar to_ but not quite Japanese.

VOICE: But... that means my translation wankery--

IRUKA: Oh, share it in a spirit of fun and the Raven will love it. He's a language buff.

VOICE: Cool. What does Tenkairiku mean, then?

IRUKA: It's a compound formed from [he writes the Higo on the board] tenkai (elements) and tariku (continent).

VOICE: Hey, the logoglyphs are even slightly different.

IRUKA: Indeed. Now, outside Tenkairiku, we're sometimes called the Elemental Continent or the Shinobi Nations. Another old name here is [he writes] Gogyou Tairiku.

VOICE: So... Five Elements Continent?

IRUKA: Well done, yes. Tenkairiku consists of Naichi (the mainland), the Island of Yuki to the North, the Beast Lands to the east between Naichi and Kells, and the Islands that make up Shusshouritsu no Tsuki (Moon's Birthplace) to the south East between us and Octaphon and the rest of the Rule, or Sea, Islands. Naichi is _roughly_ one and a half times bigger than your Australia. And as I said, map, coming.

Iruka smiles.

IRUKA: Now, despite politics, the nations of Tenkairiku share a lot of culture. We also have our differences, of course. Besides the common calendar, Higo is generally considered the common language. We all use the ryou, which started as Kani no Tetsu's currency. The dominant sealing style did in fact come from Uzushio. And Uzu also had a hand in the koudoutai, or calendar-- also our word for Zodiac. And they did it to get shipping in on time.

VOICE: Nani?

Iruka tosses his chalk. There is a rather painful sounding impact as he produces another one.

VOICE: OUCH! I mean, what do you mean, Iruka-sensei?

IRUKA: I mean that the koudoutai, the calendar used throughout Tenkairiku and a lot of the Sphere, was refined by sennin-- in this case, meaning a nin that refines or uncovers knowledge-- on Uzu, Chai, and Mizu in order to co-ordinate shipping. In fact, the twelve months of the Elemental Calendar are named after the Mizu Zodiac-- which has basically become the Tenkairiku zodiac. The calendar and zodiac are in fact Mizu's main contributions to--

A SHOT OF THE KEKKEI GENKAI MASSACRE MEMORIAL ON NAMI'S SHORE interrupts him. NEJI, SASUKE, AND NARUTO are superimposed saluting it.

Cut back to IRUKA. He has his head bowed. He raises it, clears his throat.

IRUKA: -- its main POSITIVE contributions to our culture. Note that the koudoutai is where the names of the common hand seals come from... so this goes further than you think! But that's also another lecture.

He flips the chalkboard.

  
  


ALL MONTHS  
  
---  
  
Fire Day/ Ho-bi/ Hi-bi

| 

Wind Day/ Kaze-bi

| 

Lightning Day/ Kaminari-bi

| 

Earth Day/ Tsuchi-bi

| 

Water Day/ Mizu-bi

| 

Sennin-bi/ Sage Day  
  
1

| 

2

| 

3

| 

4

| 

5

| 

6  
  
7

| 

8

| 

9

| 

10

| 

11

| 

12  
  
13

| 

14

| 

15

| 

16

| 

17

| 

18  
  
19

| 

20

| 

21

| 

22

| 

23

| 

24  
  
25

| 

26

| 

27

| 

28

| 

29

| 

30  
  
  
  


NEKO (cat, the week without a month)

| 

(only leap years)  
  
---|---  
  
1

| 

2

| 

3

| 

4

| 

5

| 

6  
  
  
  


VOICE: Wow, so every month but Neko has thirty days.

IRUKA: Indeed. The Months are

Cut to INO surrounded by flowers and birds, making the Bird hand seal.

INO: Tori. New Year's day on the first. It's SPRING!

INO inhales, even as CHIBI ASUMA comes in, sniffing.

CHIBI ASUMA: a/k/a the Season of Blooming Death. My Sinuses!

Now, SHINO, standing on a field and making the BOAR seal. A boar roots through the earth behind him.

SHINO: I, or Inu. It would be wise to till soil. Why? Because after first harvest comes late planting.

Cut to KIBA and AKAMARU. Nin and Ninken are in shades, with Kiba wearing shorts and a t-shirt and his partner in a sun hat. Of course Kiba makes the Dog seal.

KIBA: Inu. Starting with Boy's Day. Ending in your unofficial start... of summer. (thumbs up)

Sakura, in a pretty sun dress, rolls her eyes. She does not flinch as Anko in the background is slowly stripping from her own dress to an orange bikini. Sakura makes the Dragon Seal.

SAKURA: Tatsu. When summer _actually_ starts. Also, the official Moon Viewing Festival is on 10 Tatsu, before the summer storm season in Hi. (she turns, to see Anko proudly posing to show off her bust, waving a banner with a dragon on it. She grins as she turns back to us) Sensei's made Warrior Women of the Sphere as many times as Marijane!

SASUKE, OFF: They're FITNESS MODELS!

ANKO: AND AM I FIT?

SASUKE, OFF: SENSEI!

Anko strides off right.

ANKO, OFF: Seriously, how does your sensei rate, Mopey-minion?

SASUKE, OFF: SENSEI!

SAKURA: (groans, palms her face) Sweet Six Paths...

INNER-SAKURA appears.

INNER-SAKURA: If you got it, flaunt it!

Chouji sits on a cart laden with a fresh harvest, pulled by an Ox. He makes that animal's seal.

CHOUJI: Ushi. Get ready for the mid-season harvest and its festival!

The Ox stops moving. CHOUJI tumbles onto its back.

CHOUJI: EFF! Union break time, Ushi-sama?

Hinata, blushing, sits on a park bench with a familiar, yet surprisingly calm cat on her lap. She briefly makes the tiger seal, then resumes petting...

Hinata: Tora. Fall is coming soon. (her blush deepens) Hearts and Hands Day is the 12th, and White Day two weeks later on the 24th.

ASUMA enters, looks at the scene, and gasps. KURENAI enters behind him.

ASUMA: Kurenai--

KURENAI: I have no idea how she does it.

SAI sits outside on an Autumn night, finishing a picture in black ink on the paper wall behind him. It depicts a cat. Tora is now its traditional self in a cage behind him. He turns, and makes a Cat seal.

SAI: Neko, the month-less week. Sometimes... it has six days. (Creepy smile) Guess what we call Leap Day?

NARUTO, on a Konoha street as a set of dancers in an elaborate Kyuubi costume dance behind him. He makes the snake seal, as his sensei's python Kageko looks on.

Naruto: Mi. Around here, that means the Kyuubi festival.

He grins and switches to a thumbs up.

NARUTO: And your future Hokage was born on 19 Mi!

KAGEKO... er "palms" her face with her tail.

NARUTO: Make note of the future national holiday--

An eraser hits him from off left.

NARUTO: GAH!

IRUKA: (off) Naruto, you idiot! Stick to the script!

SHIKAMARU, on his back on his favourite hill, looks up. So does the pet-store rat on his stomach. He lazily makes the Rat seal.

SHIKAMARU: Ne. Last harvest, where everything gets... uprooted. Get it? Gets colder. (he drops his hand and lays back to cloud watch with a content sigh, the rat also relaxing) But not _too_ cold in Hi.

TENTEN sits astride a horse, dressed in the just-warm-enough jacket of a Hi fall leading into winter. She makes the horse seal.

TENTEN: Uma. Here comes winter! Which just means winter crops here in Hi, and the Hearth's Festival on the 15th.

SASUKE Stands before a familiar desk.

SASUKE: It holds Girl's Day on the first, and Winter comes in full force with Saru.

The Chair behind the desk turns, and the Hokage makes the Monkey seal.

VOICE: Ohmygawd it's SARUTOBI FUCKING HIRUZEN!

Wild cheers break out. The Hokage smiles and waves.

SASUKE: Thank you, Hokage-sama.

SARUTOBI: (shrugs) Meh. It's for the kids.

ROCK LEE perched in a Hi Maple with a jacket over his usual suit, his notepad on his lap. A bunch of rabbits graze under the tree, scrounging in the thin grass. He makes the Hare seal.

LEE: U. The Depth of Winter is a time of reflection and Youthful re-evaluation.

NARUTO: (off) And writing sucky poetry during Poetry Week starting on the 13th, right Sempai?

LEE: (scowls) And dealing with un-Awesome critics.

NEJI sits on a low part of the wall of the Hyuuga compound, looking over Konoha. A penned Ram stands in a pen behind him. He makes the Ram sign.

NEJI: Hitsuji. The death of Winter, and a new spring begins. Custom has household members under the age of 17 given lucky money on the 17. (He jerks his head toward the Ram.) My mother's. Prize winner.

Back to IRUKA.

IRUKA: As you see, the year starts on the Spring Equinox and ends on the day just before the next one.

VOICE: How do you know if it's a leap year?

IRUKA: Ah, oddly enough it is one! And we use simple astronomy-- when there's 366 days between Equinoxes, you have a leap year.

VOICE: Practical.

IRUKA: We're nin.

He indicates the standard month.

IRUKA: Each month has 30 days-- five weeks of six days each.

Five are named after our common Nature Transformations. It's odd, but day names actually varied a lot locally until trade forced some semblance of a standard. The week starts with

He dodges a gout of flame.

CROWD: OH!

IRUKA: Fire Day, Ho-bi. Note that in much of Tenkairiku, that's Hi-bi. But in Hi itself, we've trended toward Ho-bi.

VOICE: Oh. That does sound rather close to _hebi_ (snake).

IRUKA: Indeed. Next is Wind Day, Kaze-bi

A gust buffets him, but he stands firm

CROWD: AH!

then side steps so a lightning bolt can strike where he just vacated

CROWD: WOW!

IRUKA: Lightning Day, Kaminari-bi;

He jumps so the earth wall rises behind him, pulling his blackboard forward

CROWD: YEAH!

IRUKA: Earth Day, Tsuchi-bi; and Water Day, Mizu

a stream of water pours on him from above. Laughter meets that.

IRUKA: Ahem. Mizu-bi. (there's giggling from above) The Sixth day is Sennin-bi, Sage-day. Neko doesn't have a sage day. Even on leap years.

SAI pokes his head around the chart, creepy smile in place.

SAI: Can you guess what we call Leap Day?

A bandaged arm reaches from behind the chart and delivers a dope slap worthy of the Yamanaka.

SAI: EI-JA!

DANZOU: Does Sai want to be stuck on cat sitting duty without Hinata?

SAI: (pouts) Yami-jii never lets me have any fun.

IRUKA: Sai! Illuminate our guests. What do we call Neko's sixth day?

SAI: Why, Bi, Iruka-sensei.

Silence. Danzou sticks his head out.

DANZOU: Yes, it means day, and...?

Silence.

SAI: It's a pun.

DANZOU: Bi. Tail.

IRUKA: Bi. Day.

All three smile hopefully. Silence.

SAI: Clever, no?

Dead silence. The three Konaha Nin look disgusted.

IRUKA: Like talking to a bunch of Ghauls...

DANZOU: Lowest form of humour my arse.

SAI: I so should have done the creepy bit.

SAI AND DANZOU retreat.

IRUKA: Interesting fact: Currently Koudoutai and Thera's Revised Calendars are 'dueling' to be the world standard. We are sure the sane choice will prevail.

NARUTO (pops in): Theran based stuff sucks! (shunshin out)

VOICE (off): But Iruka-sensei?

IRUKA: Mm?

VOICE: What YEAR is it?

IRUKA: Ah, an interesting question. You see here in Tenkairiku, that varied by region. Then we all decided to start counting from when the Rikudou Sennin emerged. However, Sphere-wide trade after the fall of the World Nobles and the work of archaeologist Nico Robin becoming widespread lead to most calendars now use the first emergence of civilization after the "Shattering" -- a lecture in itself-- in the distant past.

An irate NARUTO charges back in. SASUKE, SAKURA, and ANKO in his wake.

NARUTO: But, but then some places insist you date things according to their local customs--

SASUKE (making a placating gesture): Easy, Hammer. (out of corner of mouth) Get a stun jutsu ready.

NARUTO: and, and others date it according to the reign of the current Daimyo, Kage, or other bastard in charge--

SAKURA (clasping Anko's arm): He's losing it, Sensei!

NARUTO: and then there's the, the... *dicks* that think they've come up with a better calendar and will kill to establish it and (clutches head) OH SWEET LOG I'M SO CONFUSED!

ANKO grabs her minion and clutches him to her bosom.

ANKO: He's too far gone, he needs Ramen!

The four go off left. Iruka gives us a nonplussed look.

IRUKA (flatly): The... commonly used year is 3043. Naruto is correct, however. Years are also referred to by their position in the reign of a noted leader.

NARUTO: (off) YOU SEE? YOU SEE? IT'S MADNESS! MADNESS! NEHIHIHIHIHIHI!

TEUCHI: (off) GET THE MISO RAMEN UNDER HIS NOSE, AYAME!

AYAME: (off) I'M TRYING FATHER!

IRUKA continues as the crisis continues off stage.

IRUKA: Konoha considers it 12 Sandaime no Dai ni Chisei-- the 12th year of the Sandaime's Second Reign. In terms of the Koudoutai, every year one of the signs is considered "Ascendant", making it the "Year of the X". Cat is only ascendant in leap years.

VOICE: So, wait, you basically have a thirteen sign zodiac?

IRUKA: Fair summary. There's various myths of how this came to be-- Fruits Basket Fans, stop grinning.

VOICE: But, but, I mean... cat's _part_ of your zodiac, right?

IRUKA: Yes.

VOICE: How does Neko differ from Tora? You even _used the same cat_ to represent this-- (the speaker notices Iruka's growing smile) Oh, Sensei, please no--

IRUKA: That's another lecture.

VOICE (sighs): He Alton Browned me.

ANOTHER VOICE (off): So, which sign is Ascendant right now?

IRUKA gives an 'are you kidding me?' look.

ANOTHER VOICE: What? What is it-- oh, wait, it's a leap year, so... Neko.

IRUKA nods, pleased.

IRUKA: The others all take turns, in order as by month, only interrupted by Neko. Next year will be a Year of the Ascendant Bird.

NARUTO comes back on, coat torn and headband askew, with two bowls of ramen.

NARUTO: I got a miso beef bowl for you.

IRUKA: Oh, good. (takes his bowl). CLASS, DISMISSED!

**Author's Note:**

> "Team Con" and "that boy" are from Lucillia's wonderful First Try. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7033987/1/First-Try


End file.
